Ask Dr. Giles: What can I do ease my pain and devastation?

Rochelle writes:

I lost my husband two days ago, he was my absolute everything, we just recently moved to casper and I have no support. I do not think that I can cope with his passing he was my best friend, my lover, and my husband, he was the love of my life and I don’t want to do this without him! What can I do to ease my pain and devastation?

My heart goes out to you, Rochelle. You have lost so much in one stroke. Pain and devastation do seem to be the best words to characterize such an experience. I’m deeply saddened by your loss.

It is very likely that the world looks very bleak to you at the moment. Many who experience what you are experiencing now report a total departure of joy from their life. Everything seems dull and bland–even their sense of taste and smell seem blunted. The future looks dismal, laughter and mirth seem offensive, and even the sweetness of little children has little or no effect on their numbed soul. Is there anything more devastating than the loss of one’s best friend, lover, and spouse?

I would gently suggest to you, Rochelle, that the depth of your feelings are a testament to the significance of the place your husband has in your life. The magnitude of your pain and devastation signifies how precious he was to you–and that’s a good thing. Please do not hurry through this extremely tender time. Your sorrow is a result of the loss of a good man.

Honor your feelings as a result of a worthwhile and important relationship. You say you have no support where you live, but if you have friends or family who live farther away, please seek them out–even if it means looking up cherished friends with whom you have not spoken in a while. Also, consider getting involved with counseling or a grief group. Your doctor should be able to point you in the direction of support of that kind.

Finally, please know that you have support here at Many here have some understanding of what it can be like to lose a beloved spouse. Talk with them as well.