cholangiocarcinoma.org :: discussion boards

magic · Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:05:12

Hi to everyone,Pauline,Darla,Teresa,Margaret,Marion,Sue,Julia and all those who visit this cosy,comforting thread.I have not posted for a while,we are in the depths of winter here and even though we dont have a severe winter it is pretty dreary,the short days especially.
I injured my knee at work and it turned out to be a torn cartiledge(medial meniscus)so I will have surgery next week.I have never had an operation or anaesthetic before!I have also had problems with my jaw,tmj stuff,stress related.The boys are all ok and Russ sets off in a few weeks for a trip backpacking around North America for a couple of months.
I hope you are feeling ok now,Pauline,I dont know about that idea of going to the hospital or hospice.I am not sure it would help.I think places that have happier or neutral memories are easier on us at this point.
I found I was ok with the anniversaries of birthdays,wedding anniversaries etc but the anniversary of the onset of Joels illness and then his death were trickier.
It was me that said it was a form of post traumatic stress,Darla and my GP who suggested it to me because of the unexpectedness of the event particularly for you when it was so quick it was like a rollercoaster.
Anyhow,take care all and enjoy your weekend Janet x

marions · Sat, 24 Jul 2010 14:11:03

Janet....good luck on the surgery. What better time than winter to undergo these interventions? This is a great opportunity to curl up on the couch with a good book. Where is Russ heading to in North America?
Best wishes,
Marion

magic · Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:49:36

I forgot to mention that I have joined this great choir,they practice down near the beach each Thursday night while drinking a glass of red wine(1 only) and I have found it great for the spirit.
Marion,thanks for your good wishes for the knee surgery,its the inconvenience I dread.Who will do the shopping etc.Russell and his friend are flying to LA and then planning to make their way up the coast to start with.They are keen on the national parks Janet

Darla · Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:57:57

Janet
I wish you the best of luck with your knee surgery. I will be thinking of you and hoping all is going well. I'm glad you are enjoying the choir & wine on the beach it sounds wonderful.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Darla · Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:12:46

Dear Pauline,

I find it very hard to go back to the places we shared and also to the hospital where Jim was treated so often and where he passed away. I think looking at photos was a much better choice. I do that often and it does bring me back to happier times. I only wish we could have had more.
I'm told I need to try new things and find different ways to find some peace & joy in my life. Different from the things Jim & I shared and enjoyed. Unfortunately, I would still be enjoying those things if he were here and find I have no interest in new and different things. So, where do we go from here? I haven't figured that out yet. Hopefully in time this will change.

I hope things are going better for you now. Are you now in Italy or still in London? Know that I am thinking of you as you reach the end of the second year without Anthony. I am right behind you. It is hard to believe that we have come so far, but in many ways I feel I am stuck back there where it all ended.

Take care Pauline. I hope you find some peace and comfort in Italy this year. Keep in touch and know that I am thinking of you.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Last edited by Darla (Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:14:41)

magic · Tue, 27 Jul 2010 02:37:39

Hi to everyone,I thought I should add that even though I have joined a choir etc,I am still a very fragile woman,and it was a friend,a woman whose husband has parkinsons at 42 who pushed me into it,she was the founder of the sea sharp singers but it has been great for me because music is such a great healer and this is where my sons were way ahead of me Janet

marions · Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:55:15

Janet....I had e-mailed you. Did you receive it?

melaine · Mon, 02 Aug 2010 06:27:35

Thank you all for such a warm welcome. I have sort of got used, if not entirely come to terms, with this new way of life but there is always a small pervading sadness in me. I think certain things trigger this and the holiday period is one. I've tried going away alone and with friends but nothing is quite right.
Teresa - you have been through so much and I do hope you are able to write about Alan at some point..
Darla, Pauline and Marion - thanks so much for your kind words.
The hospital/hospice dilemma is a tricky one. For me there is no choice as I'm an outpatient at the hospital where C spent most of his illness - he had the added complication of blood clots. The first time I returned very soon after his death I parked in the so familiar car park at the rear of the hospital and approached the rear entrance. Immediately adjacent to this is the new Cancer Centre and I was just transfixed, staring up at the window where C's bed was and looking into the reception area. It was unbelievably painful.. I now park elsewhere or use public transport and enter at the front of the hospital. After my appointment I go to the hospital chapel - not because of any strong faith but to think of C and to try to get some control and make some sense of the unthinkable.

Very best wishes to you all,
Margaret

PS Does anyone else hate the word 'widow'?!

Darla · Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:36:04

Hi Margaret,

Yes, I'm with you. I hate the word "WIDOW"! I didn't want to be one and I don't like to be referred to as one. It is all so strange, isn't it? I said that right from the beginning shortly after Jim passed away and now it has been almost 2 years and I still don't like it. Another thing we will probably never truely get over.

I hope you are doing OK or atleast as good as possible under the circumstances. The way you are dealing with the whole hospital situation does seem like a positive step in the right direction. Keep in touch. Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

pauline · Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:33:37

Hello my friends!
How are you all? I am thinking of you and, especially, of you, Darla as the second anniversary of losing Jim approaches. I hope you will try your hardest to replace the painful memories with beautiful ones of the good times spent together for so many years.
I am still in Italy, surrounded by such beauty and history that is hard to describe. I have tried to keep myself busy since Anthony's second anniversary and to be a bit more sociable. This has helped a bit and next week it's back to the UK and work. I find these transitions very hard and am having trouble facing the thought of another academic year beginning and the same routine continuing - onto the tred mill again! I have decided not to give it too much thought and I suppose I'll just have to get on with it.
I would love to hear how you all are so please keep in touch!
Take care!
Love
Pauline

magic · Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:19:18

Dear all
Pauline you sound considerably better than at the start of the hols,good luck with starting back at work.Darla,thinking of you this week.Me,I am going well,back at work just 4 hour shifts after the knee op.1st day of spring for us tomorrow....!! Hope all are well,havent heard from Joyce and Sue in a while Janet xx

Darla · Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:50:01

Hi Everyone,

Yes Pauline, I am trying hard not to dwell on what all happened that summer and to think more of all the good times and happy memories. It isn't always easy, but it does help. I also am trying to keep busy and be more sociable, but I always feel like my heart is just not in it. I hope you were able to relax and enjoy some of your time in Italy. Getting back in a routine and having to focus on things and function on a day to day basis is also a challenge, but atleast it keeps us going. Good luck as you return to your next academic year.

Janet, I am glad things are going well and you are able to get back to work even if on a limited basis. Spring coming also has to lift the spirits. We are having really hot humid weather, which will quickly change to fall & then winter. I'll just think of you, the pools and the beautiful weather you are enjoying as we go through the rough months here. I too hope things are going well for both Joyce & Sue and everone else here.

Everyone take care and keep in touch. It is the love, support and understanding of everyone here that gives us the strength to go on.

Love & Hugs To All,
Darla

cholangiocarcinoma.org :: discussion boards

#551 DATE POSTED: Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:05:12

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#552 DATE POSTED: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 14:11:03

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#553 DATE POSTED: Sat, 24 Jul 2010 19:49:36

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#554 DATE POSTED: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:57:57

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#555 DATE POSTED: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:12:46

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#556 DATE POSTED: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 02:37:39

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#557 DATE POSTED: Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:55:15

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#558 DATE POSTED: Mon, 02 Aug 2010 06:27:35

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#559 DATE POSTED: Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:36:04

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#560 DATE POSTED: Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:33:37

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#561 DATE POSTED: Tue, 31 Aug 2010 05:19:18

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

#562 DATE POSTED: Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:50:01

Re: Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Board footer