Emotions while dealing with CC
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Thank you so much for your comments and your hugs, it helps put things in prospective and I feel less alone. The last 5 years have been rough due to the fact that I lost my husband to leukemia in 2011, than my baby sister in 2013 to breast cancer. I was dealing with all of that until 2 years ago when I started to feel I needed help. I am on Zoloft (50mg) and it has been a life saver and I think the reason why I coped calmly with learning I had CC last year.
Here are bigs hugs back to you and wishing you all the best.brigitte xx
Brigitte,
What you are feeling is all very normal, but the situation is anything but normal, isn’t it? If there is anything worse than the diagnosis of cancer (any kind) ….then it’s the diagnosis that it has come back. I’ve experienced both. After I got over the initial rush of what the recurrence would mean, and called all the close friends and relatives with the news, it seemed that I settled down some again and felt that the worst (in my eyes at the time) had happened and that was now over and done with.
I can definitely say that I think about CC every day…..but, it isn’t overwhelming me right now. Of course, ask me again about the first week of April how I feel…in advance of my April 14th scans, the first since my 2nd resection in Dec 2015, and it may be another story. I think scanxiety is going to be hard for me no matter how long I might go again before another recurrence.
During chemo in 2014, I did talk with a professional therapist for a number of sessions. Oddly enough, we spent most of the time talking instead about my relationship with my mother. Go figure that one. Still, it seemed to help, knowing that someone was listening to me….even if we had strayed from the CC subject. Did I “lose it” during those sessions? You betcha I did. We did talk about the CC….relationships with friends and other relative…ESP som of the stupid things people say to you and people who you thought were friends, but who dumped you as soon as they heard the cancer diagnosis. The tears flowed the entire session sometimes. That’s just human.
Yes, a lot of get tired mentally….and we do push onward. But, sometimes, it seems necessary to have that brief pity party of one for yourself…..and after that….the inner strength comes back.
I did use the anti-anxiety drugs during chemo…..which were prescribed because they also help with the nausea of some of the chemos. Once chemo was over, my mood did lift considerably, though I imagine I was still pretty down and depressed sometimes. It always seemed to come in spurts or in the weeks before the next scan.
Tears:…..They are a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long and need help and a hug or two. So, here you go <<<<<<<<. X >>>>>>>>>>>>. ……one big, collective hug from us here on the boards.
Please know, you are not alone in how you feel and we understand here.
Julie T.
Brigitte,
I completely understand where you’re coming from regarding managing emotions and I think what you are feeling is very common. When my husband starts getting anxious about what might come next, I remind him that despite all the negative information about this disease, we have gotten through with good results and will continue to do so.
I attended the recent CC Foundation’s stakeholder’s conference and one thing I was so very impressed by was how many patients we met that are currently unresectable, or had surgery but now have recurrence , and have moved on to other treatments with good results. These options didn’t exist a few years ago. It is so inspiring to me to know that more and more treatments are becoming available. I’m sure having a recurrence feels devastating. However, letting go of the “what if’s” and focussing on options for next steps and trying to stay positive may lessen your stress. I also agree with Lainy that an anti-anxiety medication may help you cope better. I think it is very common for cancer patients to utilize the benefits of this type of medication.
Wishing you all the best,
DebbieDear Brigitte, unfortunately this is very normal and goes with the territory. There is nothing wrong with asking your ONC for a little dose of something to help you through. A few years ago I went through those feelings and emotions when taking care of Teddy. My DOC put me on a low dose of Lexapro and it worked like a miracle. I had no side effects, of course everyone is different. There is no way anyone expects you to do this “cold turkey”. Please call your ONC and he/she will help you out on what may be best for you. You are a lovely package and the whole package needs to be taken care of.
I am not sure on how to write this. I have stayed strong since finding out on my 6 months scan since surgery that my CC was back. I don’t think I could hold it together if I talked to a professional about it. It is like being on a rollercoaster doing chemo than waiting for the next scan and living with it. I sometimes get so tired mentally than tell myself to get a grip and carry on. My daughter tells me not to borrow troubles. One day at the time, I just wish I could go one day without thinking about CC.
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