Here’s where I am now.

Just bursting to say…Hi Grandma Sophie!

My mom had heart problems and unbeknownst to us she had been writing her wishes down on various pieces of paper for more than 10 years so instead of talking to your daughter you could just write it all down and put it in an envelope for her. The only thing I would say is be as specific as possible. My mom’s papers were actually all over the map, she crossed things out and added new stuff in, she changed her mind several times about cremation and not all of the papers were dated so it was hard to make heads or tails of some of it. There was one sealed envelope that we begged her to let us open in her last days but she wouldn’t and when we opened it after she died, it repeated some of what was on the other papers and then mentioned again how she had changed her mind about cremation. She was not cremated and I still don’t know if we did the right thing.

Patty

Sophie,

My dad’s oncologist gave him a standing order for paracentisis (Sp??) and he was then able to call the hospital and schedule an appointment when he wanted/felt he needed it. This allowed him to make the decision about his care and he liked that.

Also, as a daughter of someone who followed the path of this disease I share two thoughts with you. First, as hard as it was to discuss my dad’s wishes it made taking care of the plans much easier when the time came. I can say the same about the other details he took the time to discuss while he was healty enough to do so (Insurance, bank accounts, etc). Second, I knew my dad very well and I was his champion. I was with him at every appointment (but one and I swore never to miss on again). I understood where my dad was in his fight; physically, emotionally and spiritually. I suspect your daughter is also in tune with your journey and will be ready to support your needs and wants.

Your daughter is on the cusp of a life changing and joyful event with the impending birth of a child, I suspect you don’t want to cloud that joy with what may be a difficult topic. But as others have said you can frame this conversation in a positive manner. Your daughter is going to be very busy in the coming weeks and months and having this item off your to do list is one less thing for you to be worried about freeing up your energy to focus on wellness.

Bz

Hi Sophie. I think about you so often. You don’t know it, but I go naturally so often I could go for you as well. As far as the “BIG” discussion it just has never been an issue for us as we discussed it when Teddy first got sick 3 years ago.
I think if its handled in not a depressing way it is an important part of life as we get “older” and important to let family know how we feel about things whether we are healthy or not. Our “blended” family knows how we both feel on everything so it is no longer an issue. I like to have things “planned” out ahead of time just to have them off my delicate mind. I know Jeff always says a break is good and you just have to go with your gut feeling. Please keep us posted and be strong!!!