85 year old Father recently diagnosed

Hello,
I am already comforted by not feeling quite as alone with this. My father, 81, was just diagnosed with CC. I did not have enough info to ask all the right questions at our initial consultation with the Oncologists, but I am taking the day today to arm myself. The cancer was discovered incidentally on a pelvic mri for unrelated bladder polyps. That said, my father is still asymptomatic and in good health. They have indicated that the cancer is inoperable, with a number (unclear?) of metastases to the liver and a probable to the lung. They are perfroming a CT scan to clarify, which is slightly delayed due to minor bladder surgery scheduled for Dad next Tuesday. They are already talking about the combination chemo of gemcitobine and cisplatin for Dad, but I have concerns about the effects on him given his age and the fact that he still feels great right now. It is very difficult to look at him and believe anything this horrible can be happening. We are a small family, and very close. We just lost my uncle in July to cancer, and can’t believe this is happening again. I can’t seem to find much hopeful information in the literature, and would just like to hear some input from people going through, or not going through the chemo. I really don’t know what to expect as this progresses, and as my mom is almost 80, a lot of the care and decision making responsiblity is going to be mine. If anyone can help I would be most grateful.

Oops! I forgot to mention that Mom is almost 89 now and still pretty sharp. We have to laugh, though she wasn’t trying to be funny as she asked (one question per day, in order):
Has my casked arrived yet?
What time is my funeral Mass?
What did the journalist have to say (in the obituary)?
Have my clothes been laid out yet?
Have my clothes been taken to the undertaker?
When is the undertaker coming to take me away?
Hope you can laugh with me as I’m not trying to be morbid. The one detail Mom “forgets” is that most of these answers wait for her to actually make her final journey first. She is seeing visitors we cannot see, talking to people we cannot hear, and she’s especially looking forward to a reunion with Dad. They had 60 years of marriage before he passed, and she missed him so much that for a while, she didn’t even talk about him. Now, she does again.

More prayers and caring.
Louise

Hello Victoria,
You have my sympathy. My dad passed away in Nov. 05. Mom had open heart surgery in Feb. 06 and was surprised when she came out of surgery that she survived with all the pain. In Nov. 06, she was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma but chose not to pursue radiation, active chemo, or surgery. Her oncologist thought she might live a year. She did start a low dose form of chemo by taking pills at home. I don’t know off-hand what they were, but the oncologist was surprised to see her just a few weeks ago. At that time, she was referred to Hospice but was still getting around on her own feet. She had been losing weight and getting tired. She probably was getting weak inside, but that was not visible. Two weeks ago, she fell. She refused to go the the ER because she did not want a series of tests, surgery, or prolonging procedures. The hospice nurse suspected she might last another 2 weeks. She has already outlived that prediction, too. She is ready to go. All eight of her children and all her grandchildren have taken the opportunity to say goodbyes, so now she wonders why she is still with us. We believe in the power of prayer and suspect that is why Mom has lasted so long. Our prayer for her now is that she have a peaceful passing and that her pain be minimized. She has been prescribed morphine as needed, but she doesn’t like to take it. Yes, watching a parent through declining health is difficult, but it also has many blessings. Topics that seemed taboo can now be discussed. Love is more easily expressed, and just spending time together, not even talking, is treasured!

Though your story has some sense of familiarity, it is still heart-wrenching. Please remember that the disease is NOT in control. Things like ATTITUDE, FAITH, PRAYER, and LOVE are also factors that cannot be predicted.

By all means, seek the knowledge you can handle. When I was first diagnosed (cc, May 07), I was reading anything I could find on the disease, but most of it was depressing so I stopped reading. Since finding this site, I’m back to reading and even posting fairly often. The support, caring, questions, and answers here are tangible and usually positive, even when someone needs to vent.

Please visit as you can. Your sister might also enjoy visiting, whether just to read or to ask, learn, vent, whatever. All are welcome. Does your dad use a computer? He might find some of the stories here interesting, too.

We’ll be praying for you all.
God bless you!
Louise

Hello Victoria and a warm welcome to you. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom and the diagnoses of cancer for your Dad. We have seen this many times with aging parents being that one is diagnosed with a disease and followed by the other parent with another complicated illness. You are doing all the right things by obtaining more then one opinion for the treatment of your dad. As far as I remember and please correct me when proven wrong, Sloan requires your Dad to register as patient and the physicians do not give out second opinions. You Dad may want to do be a patient there however, if he chooses not to then you might want to try for another opinion with some other physicians and centers familiar with this cancer. I am sure that the members will gladly share with you their information when requested by you. Presently, I am trying to establish a category with listings for just that purpose. Chemotherapy, or not has been debated on this board and it truly has become a personal decision. I believe that an educated advocate or patient will always choose the right path. I am wishing the same for you. Again, I am happy that you have found us because, if this cancer strikes this is the place to be in order to share, learn and support each other.
My best wishes coming your way,
Marion