My Dad Has CC
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Dear Bkat,
Thank you so much for your kind words. My dad told my uncle (his longtime friend of 60 yrs.) that he thought he had cancer 6 mo. ago. Once diagnosed the 1st of Feb., my dad has been ready to “go”. He declined chemo and got his stuff in order. He has made a steady decline. We are keeping him comfortable, and trying to help him maintain his dignity, although his mental processing is soooo slow at this point. The family is so devastated by this, we are struggling to cope. I hope it won’t be long for my dad, because this past weekend, he told me he couldn’t wait to, “be a man again”. My God, my heart broke, and I told him he was a very strong man. My uncle told him God was just trying to find a place for him, which was why it was taking some time. His passing can’t come fast enough for us, but my mom won’t let go, which is why he is holding on. God bless all who have this and endure, because it is a hard/challenging road to bare.Paula,
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. My dad died a week ago at the age of 81 and his final stages of battling this disease were very similar to what you’ve described. I can’t offer much wisdom other than to say doing all you can to make your dad comfortable is the best you can achieve. Your father sounds quite lucid and part of his concerns over morphine may be related to him losing that mental awareness. With his body failing I can’t slight him for wanting to keep his mind intact and focused.For what it’s worth, my dad was a fighter all his life, until one day not too long ago he told me that he wanted to die. That was hard to hear but I admired his willingness to look death in the eye and say “I’m ready.” I understand what you are feeling but in no way is your dad simply giving up. On the contrary. He is a brave man facing the most difficult step of his life and acceptance is an important part of the process. There is a time and place when the battle will be over. For some the fight will wage on for years. For others the time has come. Your father’s ability to recognize what lies ahead is a life lesson he is giving to you.
He is lucky to have you by his side through this and, as you see this through to the end with him, he’ll depart this life knowing he succeeded in raising a fine daughter of whom he is no doubt very, very proud.
Thank you for that info…I will look for it. My dad is funny…he told the hospice nurse, when she was initially discussing pain control measures, that when he was young, people who took morphine were considered “dope heads”, and he never had done that, etc. She explained the difference between addicts, and using the meds to control pain. But, he is still a bit obstinant about taking ANY of his meds.. I almost think he feels if he doesn’t take them, it will hasten the end (which is his goal). I feel really uncomfortable talking about his acceptance of this, when so many are fighting this dreadful disease. My dad will be 80 next mo., and he told me before this diagnosis that he thought his end was near. I just shrugged it off, and told him “no way”, but it looks like he knew. Anyway, although losing my dad is my worst nightmare, I am in his corner on this, and cannot bear to see him suffer. I am hoping the info you mentioned in that “pallative care” bit you wrote about will address this kind of stuff. Thanks so much. Paula
Dearest Paula, welcome to our extraordinary family but I am so sorry you had to find us and to hear about your Dad. The bottom line now is to keep him as pain free as you can and if you have called in Hospice they will be very helpful and they have a booklet that will guide you all the way. I have written about my husbands journey under, “Supportive, Palliative and Hospice care’on our home page. It is entitled, ‘What you may expect’ and I marked it sensitive. Do NOT be afraid it can be a remarkable journey. Spend what time there is making loving memories and you will never regret it. Please keep us posted and above all stay strong!
I am sorry, I failed to introduce myself. I just posted about my dad and how he broke his neck, I suppose, because I want to know why he got this. We just found out at MD Anderson that he has it around mid Jan. It is in his liver, lungs, lymphs, and bones. He opted not to have chemo. So, into hospice. He is so miserable, he just wants to die, and I don’t know what to tell him, or what to expect. Our family is in shock. My mom and dad have been married 59 yrs. He has always been the active, upbeat spirit in the family, and now that he is getting weaker and wanting this to end, we are all lost and scared. He is a man of great faith, so we all are comforted by that. I am just glad to be in this forum, able to post, wonder if anyone else has someone in his situation, and what we should expect. When I read other peoples posts, I am heartbroken, but also inspired by such great courage and endurance that so many of you write about. Thank you for your stories. Paula
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