Bilirubin and ascites questions again…

I hear what you’re saying about the emotions Emily,

I returned to work after having four weeks off, and Dad’s diagnosis came two days before my planned annual leave. I went back to work on Monday, and tried to keep myself occupied enough that I didn’t think, but when I walked through the door on Tuesday I just broke down into a blubbering mess. I have been given another three and a half weeks off, which will cover Dad’s surgery and some recovery time, and can extend if I need to.

I am very lucky in one way that I work at a major hospital (not the one that Dad is in though), and my colleagues are aware of Dad’s diagnosis – partly because he came into the emergency department over the weekend and needed to be transferred to the specialist hospital, and partly because I’ve told them. My workmates are extremely supportive, but I find that when they try to be kind and are nice to me I immediately cry, so avoiding that contact would have been much easier.
My husband has a mental illness and hasn’t been as much support as I’ve needed due to his own issues.

Like you my Dad is my world. My mother left when I was six years old and Dad brought me up. We’ve been through some really difficult times together, and his second wife was the bitch from hell. Dad has a son to his second wife, who has schitzophrenia, so he also has issues to deal with.

My husband and I have three adult sons, who are wonderful, but I see my role as their mother to be one of support for them, not for them to support me – even though they do.

I’m off to get some counselling on Saturday. I just feel that I need someone to vent to, and to get some strategies to manage my feelings a bit, because I’ve never felt like this before.
You just feel as though someone keeps pulling the rug out from under you, only to replace it and then rip it out again.

It would probably be a safe thing to avoid anything that made me cry, or upset me, but I think in the long run that would be a mistake. I have given myself permission to grieve.
That doesn’t mean that I have given up hope, or that I have written Dad off. What it means is that I have accepted that it’s Ok to feel this way and that it is normal to feel this screwed up when something this stressful happens.
I have also recognised that I need to look after myself before I can do justice to caring for my father.

It’s very hard to find positives in a diagnosis like this, but for our own sanity we need to look for them. Eg. Dad was able to eat half his ice cream today, he’s drained over a litre of bile – better out than in, I’ve got time off work so that I can spend some quality time with him when it matters.

Keep on posting Emily, we might not have ALL the answers but we DO understand where you’re coming from.
Take care
Lesley

Hi there,
I’m also a devistated daughter who is just starting the cc journey with my Dad.

I have noticed many of your posts seem to be desperately seeking some sort of reassurance that Mum is going to recover and get better. I don’t know your Mum’s individual case, so can’t comment either way, but I do wonder what support you have outside this forum.

As with any medical condition there are some predicatble paths that a disease will take, and then there are the directions that are different in each case. Your Mother’s medical team will be best placed to answer the questions about the individual case that pertain to Mum.

The previous posts are correct by pointing out that chemo when bile levels in the blood are too high would not be a good move, but try not to get too focussed on the numbers, that is the doctors job.
Don’t make the mistake of missing out on good quality time with your Mum because you are becoming too focussed on this. Ask heaps of questions for sure, offer suggestions yes, but above all take care of yourself so that you can be there for Mum when she needs you.

I’m going off for some counselling in a couple of days, I don’t know if it will work, I know it wont cure my Dad, but I’m hoping that it will give me the strength to cope with another week of this torture.

Hugs to you
Lesley

Dear devasteddaughter. At this point Chemotherapy will harm your Mom. She will need to get better first. Is your Mom responding to the antibiotics? Are you in touch with the doctor because, you should be given some explanations. I assume that the tending physicians are familiar with this cancer? Also I am wondering whether another family member is there for you. I am crossing my fingers for tomorrow to be a better day and am sending all my best wishes your way.
Marion