My heart is healing one day at a time
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Hya all
I believe all that is written in these posts helps every single one of us in some way. Often we do not believe this at the time, but later with thought it registers at some level and helps us to know that others understand how we are feeling. This is a very special and sacred place to be, even though we did not wish to belong here in the first instance. I am so grateful to be able to come here and be in contact with people who understand my pain.
Like you patricia, I am in my second year and I have realised that whilst dealing with the things that had to be done it used some of the time. Even grief councelling for quite some time. However, things are seeping through and others including my two other boys who are married, try to guide me in my journey. I know they mean well, but my heart will take a long time to heal. If ever.
To be alone in the middle of the night at home with your boy as he passes away and travels another journey (alans words) still renders me helpless. Like you I don’t know what to do without my boy, he helped me with many things as we had so much in common.
We are not alone here I know you all understand. love and light alan’s mom teresaMarion
I can so much sympathise with your post. I am now 16months on from my husband’s death I feel worse in some way as the permanence of what has happened has seeped in. I spoke to a grief counsellor today and she told me that the second year is usually worse than the first and that is my experience. Being busy managed to keep the grieving at bay in the beginning, people were concerned and phoned and invited me, now they seem to imply that I should move on, I also think I should ‘move on’ but to where?
Like you my kids say ‘You have us’ and I am very thankful for that but……I brought them up to become independent, to fly the nest. Though they grieve for him, the future they imagined was one in which he was on the sidelines as they built their own families. I expected to remain in the nest with my mate and now I don’t know what to do without him.
Please keep posting, it consoles me to understand that I am not alone.Patricia
marions wrote:Dear thecdr,I hope. my writing did not upset you.. I have been reading your postings, as they appear on this site, with dismay.
Peter once greeted a new member with: Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. What a poignant statement on his part.
We are all members with the common bound of hope, fear, anguish and pain.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs
MarionMarion,
thank you for your thoughts, this site has been a godsend for me. No, no one wants to belong, but then again, no one else understands the way we do either.
I saw a dear friend yesterday who remarked “you seem to be at peace” At first I was surprised, but when I thought about it, she was right. I am at peace. doesn’t mean I don’t get angry, sad, etc etc, but I am more and more comfortable in my own skin and with my own feelings and decisions. Am I right to feel the way I do, no matter how I feel? yes. Am I right doing what I do, no matter what decision I make or if I change my mind later? yes!
Thank you all for being here for each of us
Dear Joyce,
Unfortunately, we are not prepared to deal with the magnitude of anguish coming our way when a loved one passes. Hoping so much for your pain to diminish.
Hugs
MarionDear thecdr,
I hope my writing did not upset you. I have been reading your postings as they appear on this site, with dismay.
Peter once greeted a new member with: “Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to.” What a poignant statement on his part.
We are all members with the common bound of hope, fear, anguish and pain.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs
MarionThat is so true, Marions – though I still force myself to be in denial every day, otherwise I couldn’t cope. I keep saying “she’s not dead, she’s not dead” about my mother – but everyone has their coping mechanisms — just like you said, you have to get through one day at a time. A beautiful – and beautifully-written – post.
-JoyceAlthough, I have posted this in response to the Mack’s, I decided to also post it here with the hope that it might be of benefit to someone else.
Marions
During the last seven months I have experienced different stages of grieving, the disbelief, the yearning, the anger, the depression, until now, finding myself teetering with the acceptance of the reality that he simply will not return.
The yearning for him has not diminished in fact; it has become my constant companion.
I never knew how to live just
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