Still hard to believe

Dear Jen,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not feel you could have or should have done something differently. With this disease there is no right or wrong. It is what it is and is different for everyone. All we can do is the best we can do at the time. My husband passed away much as your dad. In less than 2 months time, start to finish. I try to take comfort in knowing that atleast he did not suffer for very long from this disease and hope you can too. His was interhepatic and it all went very quickly. In his case the death certificate did state Cholangiocarcinoma, but at this point I wouldn’t worry about that.

Glad you found us and hope you come back often. We are all here to listen, help and support each other. Take care.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Jen….

I am so sorry to hear the news abvout your dad….shock, confusion….I get all of that…My dad died from a different cancer 6 weeks after diagnosis and I felt much the same way. Time has a way of healing the disbelief and softenig the shock.

My Mom was diagnosed with intrahepatic about the same time as your dad….and I , too, have been asking myself many of the same questions….what did I miss? Should I have seen something? The more I research and read on this wonderful board has helped dispell many of my ‘woulda, shoulda. coulda’s”….This cancer is a creeper.

What it HAS done, for me, is increased my awareness….and made me inteested in increasing awareness…

Hope that you will find some peace and solace in your grief about a good man taken too soon.

Love and prayers.

Deane

Dear Jen,
I am so very sorry about your father. It is rather amaing that he did not suffer the effects of the cancer too much before he passed away. You did everything anyone would have done – – it is the silent killer because it sneaks up on you and you just have no idea you have it. None . We all ask and ask ourselves, what did I miss? Wasn’t there something I should have noticed? But no, we did not. It is often stage 4 before it is caught.
Never ever worry about bringing anybody “down” here! This is the most supportive and wonderful bunch of folks I have ever found. Ask questions, rant, cry, whatever, we are here to listen.
Condolences, Holly
(ps my dad’s name is John Howard – – always liked that name

Jen….it is fairly common for us to doubt actions or non-actions and for not recognizing certain symptoms of a disease. But the reality is that this cancer is known to sneak up on people, it is silent, it mimics other discomforts, and it is difficult to detect in even the best of circumstances. Many physicians never have heard of Cholangiocarcinoma let alone treat a patient with this cancer. Jen, you must know that many others lost a loved one to this disease in a very short time after diagnoses or, they are informed of the diagnoses after their loved one has passed.
And, no, you are not going about this wrong, we are here for everyone. The members of this site understand, care, and support each other through difficult times, good times, and the in-between times.
So, stay with us, others will come along real soon and share their thoughts with you also.
Hugs,
Marion

Ha, ha …and here we were talking to a male. Nice to meet you, Jen.
Hugs,
Marion

Dear Howard welcome to our Board but I am so very sorry it had to be this way. We often say that at the initial diagnosis one feels as if they have been hit with a bat in the stomach and then to have a loved one decline so quickly is beyone words. I really don’t think it matters that much how it is written on the Death Ceritificate except to the family for future refrences, like generations to come. Please accept my heartfelt condolences.

Howard…welcome, I am glad that you have come to this board. We are here to support and help each other through all stages of this disease. My heart goes out to you to you and dear family. When a cancer hits at the speed of lightening as it so happened with your dear Dad, it is very difficult to come to terms with the devastation of an almost sudden death.
We are shocked and stunned and this disruptive loss causes us to suffer the most of extreme feelings of bewilderment. And, dear Howard, we try to make sense of it all.
Often times things become clearer with understanding of the disease. It does not take away the pain, but it allows us to focus on something concrete. And, that in itself can be healing.
Know that we are here for you and that collectively we will work through the unanswered questions as best as we can.
I am sure that others will chime in real soon and share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with you.
Hugs to you,
Marion