85 year old Father recently diagnosed
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August 29, 2009 at 4:22 pm #30692desperateleeSpectator
Hello,
I am already comforted by not feeling quite as alone with this. My father, 81, was just diagnosed with CC. I did not have enough info to ask all the right questions at our initial consultation with the Oncologists, but I am taking the day today to arm myself. The cancer was discovered incidentally on a pelvic mri for unrelated bladder polyps. That said, my father is still asymptomatic and in good health. They have indicated that the cancer is inoperable, with a number (unclear?) of metastases to the liver and a probable to the lung. They are perfroming a CT scan to clarify, which is slightly delayed due to minor bladder surgery scheduled for Dad next Tuesday. They are already talking about the combination chemo of gemcitobine and cisplatin for Dad, but I have concerns about the effects on him given his age and the fact that he still feels great right now. It is very difficult to look at him and believe anything this horrible can be happening. We are a small family, and very close. We just lost my uncle in July to cancer, and can’t believe this is happening again. I can’t seem to find much hopeful information in the literature, and would just like to hear some input from people going through, or not going through the chemo. I really don’t know what to expect as this progresses, and as my mom is almost 80, a lot of the care and decision making responsiblity is going to be mine. If anyone can help I would be most grateful.August 18, 2009 at 1:18 am #30691walkMemberHi Victoria,
My dad is 87 and he was diagnosed in October 2008. He tried chemo embolization (one successfully, one not). I researched all types of treatments, even trials. The bottom line for my dad was quality of life and he elected not to pursue treatment.
There are a number of folks on here with loved ones younger and stronger than ours who didn’t make it through treatment as long as my dad has lived without it. A good friend of mine is a nurse and she was quite adamant with me that if it were her father, she would not advise him to do it.
That said, it is his own very personal decision. I remember being somewhat disappointed that Dad did not pursue anything, but watching him try to recover from a simple laprascopic biopsy was an eye opener. My dad has outlived his prognosis (a couple of them actually) but his body is starting to fail him. It is the natural progression of this disease. In retrospect, I am pleased with his decision. It has allowed us time to make good memories, not spend what time left recovering from treatments only to possibly gain time that we probably already had.
Good luck to you and your dad,
Jan
August 18, 2009 at 12:32 am #30690louiseSpectatorOops! I forgot to mention that Mom is almost 89 now and still pretty sharp. We have to laugh, though she wasn’t trying to be funny as she asked (one question per day, in order):
Has my casked arrived yet?
What time is my funeral Mass?
What did the journalist have to say (in the obituary)?
Have my clothes been laid out yet?
Have my clothes been taken to the undertaker?
When is the undertaker coming to take me away?
Hope you can laugh with me as I’m not trying to be morbid. The one detail Mom “forgets” is that most of these answers wait for her to actually make her final journey first. She is seeing visitors we cannot see, talking to people we cannot hear, and she’s especially looking forward to a reunion with Dad. They had 60 years of marriage before he passed, and she missed him so much that for a while, she didn’t even talk about him. Now, she does again.More prayers and caring.
LouiseAugust 17, 2009 at 11:27 pm #30689lisaSpectatorI’m sorry to hear about your father as well. As has been said before, it is best to consult with the oncologist about what effects chemo will have on him and whether it will realistically prolong his life or be too harsh to tolerate.
At 85, personally I would go for quality of life that I had left rather than do chemo. But that is just my opinion, and you have to do what is best for your family.
God bless you,
LisaAugust 17, 2009 at 10:57 pm #30688louiseSpectatorHello Victoria,
You have my sympathy. My dad passed away in Nov. 05. Mom had open heart surgery in Feb. 06 and was surprised when she came out of surgery that she survived with all the pain. In Nov. 06, she was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma but chose not to pursue radiation, active chemo, or surgery. Her oncologist thought she might live a year. She did start a low dose form of chemo by taking pills at home. I don’t know off-hand what they were, but the oncologist was surprised to see her just a few weeks ago. At that time, she was referred to Hospice but was still getting around on her own feet. She had been losing weight and getting tired. She probably was getting weak inside, but that was not visible. Two weeks ago, she fell. She refused to go the the ER because she did not want a series of tests, surgery, or prolonging procedures. The hospice nurse suspected she might last another 2 weeks. She has already outlived that prediction, too. She is ready to go. All eight of her children and all her grandchildren have taken the opportunity to say goodbyes, so now she wonders why she is still with us. We believe in the power of prayer and suspect that is why Mom has lasted so long. Our prayer for her now is that she have a peaceful passing and that her pain be minimized. She has been prescribed morphine as needed, but she doesn’t like to take it. Yes, watching a parent through declining health is difficult, but it also has many blessings. Topics that seemed taboo can now be discussed. Love is more easily expressed, and just spending time together, not even talking, is treasured!Though your story has some sense of familiarity, it is still heart-wrenching. Please remember that the disease is NOT in control. Things like ATTITUDE, FAITH, PRAYER, and LOVE are also factors that cannot be predicted.
By all means, seek the knowledge you can handle. When I was first diagnosed (cc, May 07), I was reading anything I could find on the disease, but most of it was depressing so I stopped reading. Since finding this site, I’m back to reading and even posting fairly often. The support, caring, questions, and answers here are tangible and usually positive, even when someone needs to vent.
Please visit as you can. Your sister might also enjoy visiting, whether just to read or to ask, learn, vent, whatever. All are welcome. Does your dad use a computer? He might find some of the stories here interesting, too.
We’ll be praying for you all.
God bless you!
LouiseAugust 17, 2009 at 10:43 pm #30687darlaSpectatorHi Victoria,
Welcome to our group. I am sorry you are going through all of this with the loss of your Mom & now your Dad’s diagnosis of CC, but you have found the right place to come for help & support. I am hoping for the best for both you and your Dad. Please keep in touch and let us know how he is doing.
Darla
August 17, 2009 at 7:56 pm #30686marionsModeratorHello Victoria and a warm welcome to you. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom and the diagnoses of cancer for your Dad. We have seen this many times with aging parents being that one is diagnosed with a disease and followed by the other parent with another complicated illness. You are doing all the right things by obtaining more then one opinion for the treatment of your dad. As far as I remember and please correct me when proven wrong, Sloan requires your Dad to register as patient and the physicians do not give out second opinions. You Dad may want to do be a patient there however, if he chooses not to then you might want to try for another opinion with some other physicians and centers familiar with this cancer. I am sure that the members will gladly share with you their information when requested by you. Presently, I am trying to establish a category with listings for just that purpose. Chemotherapy, or not has been debated on this board and it truly has become a personal decision. I believe that an educated advocate or patient will always choose the right path. I am wishing the same for you. Again, I am happy that you have found us because, if this cancer strikes this is the place to be in order to share, learn and support each other.
My best wishes coming your way,
MarionAugust 17, 2009 at 7:14 pm #30685lainySpectatorSo sorry Victoria to hear about your parents. Everyone has to make decisions based on their own gut feelings. My feeling is that if Teddy was 85 I would not put him through any more than he has been through. My mom is 93 and we just put her in assisted living. But we all decided when she was about 87 we would not let anything invasive happen to her. Sometimes it’s just time to say enough is enough especially when there is no guarantee of a quality life. We have some great Posts on here and perhaps you can read up on them and then make a decision on what to do. We also have some very wise people here and I am positive you will hear from more than just me. Good luck and please keep us posted.
August 17, 2009 at 6:31 pm #2585vvandeusenMemberMy Mother died June 19 from ovarian cancer and within 2 weeks, Dad was diagnosed with bile duct cancer. Yale-New Haven Hospital surgeon said he was not a candidate for surgery and oncologist at same hospital said no to chemo and radiation. He’s contacted Sloane-Kettering but we have no info from them yet. I’m the oldest of his 2 daughters and am just looking for some knowledge so I can be of some help to him. Thanks, Victoria
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