“A list for living”
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Lanny, you write so beautifully about your wife I can just feel the beautiful love. For a worrier she sure gave herself some kind of adjustment as her attitude was that of a super hero. It is so good to hear from you again!
I approached my wife, tentatively, asking is there anything you want to do or see, she no, I just want my grandkids here as much as I can handle, and we did. My wife was a worrier, as is my father. I think seeing the stress my dad put on himself, for no reason, led me to not look for things to worry about. Now when my wife, Cindy was diagnosed Feb 2011, I know she worried but never showed it. We made onc appts and chemo days, date days, we’d pick out something to see and a new place to eat and go out on a date after her appt. A few times when she was having radiology on her neck, her mouth got so bad she couldn’t eat, but she wanted to go and order the meal, she’d pick at it and say now you have dinner tomorrow. Even though I’d been married to her 38 yrs, it absolutely reminded me of why I loved her so much. She didn’t want people around her crying and feeling sorry for her. She wanted her family, and to live life as much, with them, as possible. She told me one day, “I have decided to not worry about what I can’t control”. From that point on, her advice to anyone who would listen was, “don’t sweat the small stuff”. I try to love by her advice today, mostly because I lived though the big stuff with her. God’s grace to all.
My/our list is not financially driven. It’s little things like finding the time to do something together such as a coffee without the kids. For me I now burn the ‘nice’ candles that I was keeping for something special, wear the shoes, jewelry, clothes (and a underwear) I was keeping for good. Remembering not to get cross with my daughter over stupid things, be less shouty, worry less over the dust and to try and take nothing for granted as it all could be taken away so quickly.
If it wasn’t for finances, I would be doing my list, too! As it is, I try not to stress and I do things I love… Karaoke and poker! Unfortunately, it has cut into my dancing! lol
Me and my sister have a ‘life’s to short’ fund. Nothing grand, but since losing our sister very suddenly our whole perspective has changed. I also used to talk about bucket lists – now it’s a living life and do it now list.
My ‘living’ list is very short. Be with family & friends as much as possible. Enjoy the simple things in life. Share the love of God with everyone. I had lots of ‘dreams’ on a bucket list but financially they aren’t possible. I also spend time looking at old pictures & reading old letters & writing poems. I cherish the memories!
Hi Jules,
Very nice story. Inspiring and gives me some things to think about.
Thanks for sharing.
Peace,
MaryVery good, Jules. Even though we are not to the point where my husband is yet terminal (although we all are in a way), we are looking at things we need to tackle and want to try. They are simple to the extravagant but we are looking. We don’t call it a bucket list but the “Give it a Try List” and it’s stuff both of us would like to do whether together or with one watching the other….I would like to parachute and he says no way but he will watch. He wants to river raft some big rapids and I say hell no.
I am also looking at life differently all around. Does it matter if the house is spotless or the laundry all neatly put away? Does it matter if dinner is right on time? I ask myself a lot will this really matter even tomorrow. If it doesn’t then I let it go.KrisV
I like this…
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24477163[*][/*]
One positive thing to come out of Mum’s diagnosis, is that our family is now appreciating every moment, and living every second of life, rather than waiting for tomorrow, next week, next year, to arrive.
Jules
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