Discussion Board Forums General Discussion A new update on Dad

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  • #50910
    jaynus
    Member

    Hi Jen we haven’t chatted in a while. I sent you an email through the forum it had been so long since I wan on line and took me a bit to find your posts. Needless to say I now have an update. I am so sorry for your dad’s passing. My mother passed away in September only a few months after your dad. She too was trying to get into the Hospice you spoke of but there was no availablilty it was her favourite when we were looking as well. Her home care nurse would not allow her to wait though and urged her to take what was available. She ended up picking Southwood. A little far since me, my brother and her sisters and brothers all lived in the North but a very good facility as well. She brought in all her favourite things from home, even small peices of furniture they let her do whatever she wanted. It had a really nice garden terrace we spent a lot of time on before she got too sick. My mother was such a social butterfly there, she chatted it up for hours with a lot of the staff particularly one of the nursing aides that spent most of the time with her helping her with daily necessities. They became pretty close. She also touched a lot of the patients there and became an emotiional support for many of them until she couldn’t speak anymore. The chaplain said there was a specific patient named Tom who had been admitted only days after my mom and fell into a huge depression. My mom was the only one that was able to bring back his courage to eat and continue on. She said she hadn’t seen such displays of courage like hers in a while. These are things I will never forget. I really enjoyed reading your posts about your dads last days and the words he spoke and knowing that there was something there on the other side to greet him. I was never to sure about that with my mom she spent her last days fighting so hard to get out of the bed and talk i just don’t think she was relaxed enough or at ease enough to eperieance that peace. I try not to think too much about her last days though. After reading what you posted it gives me hope that there were people and something there to greet her on the other side even though she didn’t speak of it. Our parents were both the same age and went through theire journeys at very close intervals. I am so happy your dad got to go to that Hospice I know first hand how nice it was. I hope they are both happy and at peace wherever they are and maybe even exchanging words.

    Hope we get to talk soon my heart breaks for you and your loss I know how you feel as well as everyone else on this forum does. For me I struggle so much since I’m not even that close with my dad she was all I had and we were best frieds. You can’t even imagine how to carry on without them, but surprisingly you do and it’s something we should be very proud of ourselves for.

    Just want to let you know your in my thoughts, take care and hope to talk soon
    Janet

    #50909
    jamie-d
    Member

    Jen,
    How blessed you Father is to have you!!! Just wanted to let you know that you, your Dad and family are in my prayers. God Bless you,
    Jamie

    #50908
    andie
    Participant

    Jen,

    I have been thinking of you and your family 24/7. I’m so glad your Dad is still painfree and the Hospice sounds a wonderful, caring place, like home from home.

    Reading your post has brought it all back to me, my Dad had a tear fall when Mom and I told him it was ok to let go, he was going to get better and it was time to share him with our other family and friends.

    My Dad asked for Me, my Husband and Nan on the Friday morning, after he’d seen us all and told me yet again about his blue folder (which contains all his legal paperwork and bills) he went into what I call a deep sleep, occasionally saying “I’m not ready yet”. At 10.30pm the nurses came to check and they said he was peaceful enough and decided no syringe driver was needed. After they went he suddenly shot out of bed. This alarmed me and Mom as he hadn’t been out of bed for 2 days and wasn’t strong enough to even scratch his face let alone get out of bed. He wanted to get to the corner of the room and said “I’m coming in a minute”. Mom and I settled him down and phoned the night team as Dads breathing had become fast. They came and set up the syringe driver about 12.30am Saturday Morning and Dad passed away at 2.45am. The look on Dads face when he passed away was one I will never forget. It was pure peace and happiness. His jaundice had gone, he was wrinkle free and his cheeky smile had returned to his face.

    I truly believe, having witnessed it, that your Dads past loved ones are waiting for him and will be there to help him on his new journey.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. We are all here for you Jen.

    Much love

    Andrea xx

    #50907
    lainy
    Participant

    Jen, I am so happy for you! I so wish Teddy’s experience could have been like that. Robin and I had an hour and a half visit today with the lawyer, and he now definitely believes the files are bogus! This is really going to require some more work but we are getting there. Of course he has to make sure he has an air tight case before proceeding.
    I believe your Dad has started to cross over which is why he is not feeling any pain. Everyone’s time frame is different. I would say Teddy started about 3PM and passed at 945PM. Of course we know he was waiting for the 2 teen Grandsons to come so that Robin and I would not be alone. Once they arrived and stood in the room he passed with in minutes.
    I hope your dad continues his peaceful journey!

    #50906
    jennifers
    Member

    Dad is now in hospice (since Monday). It’s beautiful (there is a waterfall and bird houses right out his wondow – so fitting since he loves birds), and a beautiful spiritual room surrounded by windows that back onto a wooded area – we spend a fair bit of time in this room with him. The people are amazing – I honestly can’t say enough about them. If Dad so much as coughs they are immediately in his room checking on him (and us). They give him his regular pain medications (which he really doesn’t seem to need anymore, although we would never risk stopping them in case the pain comes back), and give breakthrough whenever he cries out or sounds at all uncomfortable. They change him regularly (in diapers), move him around (but laugh that no matter how often they do it, he still manges to get onto his back), bathe him, shave him, and talk to him so sweetly and kindly whenever they are in the room… I could go on for hours.

    Dad is now unresponsive. He spoke a few words when we first got to the hospice (asked Michelle and I if someone would always be with him, and then asking if insurance covered hospice – ha ha). Shortly after, he stopped speaking and is basically completely unresponsive. Yesterday someone was in singing some old music that Dad would love, and as soon as Michelle said how much dad would enjoy it, his bed was immediately moved into the room by staff so we could all sit with him and listen. He may not be able to speak, but he had tears running down his face as amazing grace was sung. Needless to say I had a moment right then, and had to leave for a few minutes. It was beautiful but emotional moment.

    We are taking turns staying with him, and have kept our promise that he will not be alone for a second. I pray he goes peacefully, knowing that he is surrounded by love. It was a scary transition, and so hard watching them take him away in the ambulance, but now that he is there and we see how well we are all being cared for, we don’t regret our decision.

    Now that I see what a hospice experience SHOULD be like, it makes me all the more angry on behalf of those who do not get this level of care. Lainy – I am so glad and honestly so proud that you are fighting on behalf of Teddy and any others that have been neglected, and I hope changes are made quickly.

    Thinking of you all.

    Jen

    #50905
    nancy246
    Participant

    Jen, You are blessed with sharing beautiful moments with your dad in his final hours. How beautiful that he is so communicative with crossing over. This will be a comfort to you in the days ahead filled with grief. I love how he still keeps his sense of humour. Just as he has cared for you all your life he continues to care for you by showing you everything will be okay and that he will be there for you and waiting for you when you join him again. How profound when life can cause such grief and happiness at the same time. Your dad is giving you such a gift by confirming death is not an end but a new beginning, which we will all share one day. Much love, with tears, sent to you today and always from the Jensens in Revelstoke. Nancy

    #50904
    andie
    Participant

    Jen,

    I am so glad Dad is in no pain, that is such a blessing. I bet Teddy, my Dad and other cc members past are there at the table waiting to share stories about us!! My Dad loved his food too.

    The curb interested me as my Dad needed to get to the corner. After not getting up for 2 days he suddenly shot up in bed, desperate to get to the corner of the room. His eyes had been fixed there over the past few days and when he talked to past loved ones, it was to the corner. After days of saying “I’m not ready yet” he said “I’m coming in a minute” and a few hours later he did. We reckon the corner was the passage to his next journey.

    Thinking of you all xx

    #50903
    lainy
    Participant

    Dear DJ thank you for joining us. I find that for me, this kind of discussion really helps to ease the pain. It sounds like your end journey with your Dad was much the same, I am so glad for you and you then know where we are coming from.
    Too bad we couldn’t write a rembrance book where each of us write a chapter on the priviledge of watching our loved one pass and the awesome things that transpired. We could donate the proceeds to CC.ORG!

    #50902
    dj
    Participant

    Wow. This is incredible. Thanks for sharing these tender, special moments. I also had the privilege of watching my Dad move into heaven a little over a year ago from CC. I miss him so much, and Fathers Day brings the pain back all over. But it is joyful to realize that even though Dad isn’t here for me or my 3 sisters, he is celebrating in heaven with other family, including his youngest child, a son, my only brother, who only lived 3 days from birth. That makes it all the more special. I love you, Dad, but I know we will meet again someday in heaven!

    #50901
    lainy
    Participant

    Oh, Jen.. I feel like I am right there with you and I can’t stop crying for the beauty of it all. That is something about the table full of food. You bet Teddy is there and will greet him. I am sure he already has a CC club as he is a great organizer. I feel so good about what you are witnessing as sometimes I feel people think I am off my rocker but its all true at least to me. Jen, I believe that there is no “time” in Heaven and that when it is our turn they will meet us and escort us over and it will be like no time passed at all. Mmmmm I better get a face lift! Hang in Jen, you are doing a wonderous job!

    #50900
    gavin
    Moderator

    Dear Jen,

    I am so glad to hear you say that your dad is in no pain and is completely comfortable, this is so good to hear. I can still vividly remember these moments that I went through with my dad during this time. It was a tough time, but these tears and the beautiful moments I can so relate to. Thinking of you right now.

    Hugs,

    Gavin

    #50899
    jennifers
    Member

    Lainy – I have to share another moment from today with you. He said that one of the things he saw was a nice big table with lots of food… it made me cry, and I very much appreciate that Teddy and the others are there, waiting to greet him for that wonderful meal when he passes over. I’ve never told him about that, so there’s no way that a memory of me telling him is what is making him think of it. That moment alone would have made me believe in their “other” world, but there have been many others today. He spoke of other people he talked to when he was “dead” that Mom had to tell me about because we’ve never heard of them.
    So many beautiful moments today. He said that he’s on his way soon because they have work for him… he’s not sure what the work is yet, but he’ll find out when he gets there. He made sure we knew that we aren’t coming with him yet, and wanted to make sure we would all be going to the same place. We told him we aren’t coming now, but that he can visit us. We told him that we will be coming in time, and that he’s going ahead to get things ready for us. He smiled, and said oh boy… I’ll be busy, that’s just perfect. He keeps talking about the curb he has to step off to get to the other world (the step is on a nice boulevard, apparently). He hasn’t stepped off yet, but he’s going to soon. He is also in NO pain. We are giving him his meds just in case, but he is completely comfortable.

    Andrea – I’m glad your Dad experienced many of the same things… it’s a beautiful thing, and I think it has brought us all closer to accepting that he will be gone soon. I hope you are doing okay, I’m thinking of you too!

    Jen

    #50898
    andie
    Participant

    Dear Jen,

    Thinking of you and all your family at this time. 4 months ago I was where you are now, it is such a bitter sweet time. My Dad had conversations with relatives that had passed away, it was amazing to hear them. A sense of calm and love filled the room. We had never experienced anything like it and we just knew it was all Dads loved ones preparing to welcome him on his next journey, and everything was going to be ok. Keep strong, we are all here for you.

    Love and hugs

    Andrea xx

    #50897
    lainy
    Participant

    SENSITIVE to JEN: Dearest Jen, nothing on this Board has made me cry as much as I have from your last post. Not tears of sadness but tears of….I can’t even find the right words. When Robin and I sat through Teddy’s last hours we felt it was a priviledge to be part of the world he was traveling to. When Teddy started to open his arms to greet those who had come to escort him over, it was so beautiful, again no words. He reached out to each one, encircled his arms in one of his bear hugs and pursed his lips like he was kissing them. He looked so peaceful and not even sick. His eyes were open but he was not seeing us. He was crossing over with the help of his parents, his brother and best friends, I just know that and it was awesome. All his pain had gone as his body then quietly shut down. Every time I think of the bad things from our experience in Hospice, I now switch my brain to what I witnessed and I cry these incredible tears that I cannot find words for. After watching Teddy I have absolutely not one iota of fear in dying, myself and I felt so at peace that he found his Peace.
    My heart has been with you on your journey with your Dad, God Bless you all!

    #50896
    jennifers
    Member

    Dad is still at home, but near the end. He hasn’t been out of bed since Thursday. He had a few very aggitated days (or more particularly, a few aggitated nights). We (myself and my siblings) are all staying here, and have been since Thursday. He is mostly confused, and he is hallucinating. He has had a few moments of complete lucidity, and we’ve all had those conversations with him that we needed to have. He is still having those moments, and uses them to tell us he loves us and that everything is okay.
    We have a night nurse now, and it’s wonderful. Mom and I didn’t sleep at all on Thursday night (and Mom for a few days before when we weren’t here to help), because he was trying to get out of bed, which he absolutely can’t do at this point. I don’t know how Mom did it – I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained after one night of talking to him and counting his breaths (3 breaths at a time, and then nothing for 42 seconds… it was the same all night). Last night we all slept, and I only woke up at 3:30 when I heard Dad talking. He was having a wonderful conversation with someone I couldn’t see, talking about how he knew his beautiful children would be good, among other things. He had a great night.
    This morning he is MUCH more with it. Although he can’t follow a conversation for more then a few seconds, his questions and comments mostly make sense. He heard Mom laugh in the other room, for example, and smiled and said “Cheryl just laughed – I love her laugh”. He said he had a dream about his Dad, and that it was good. He said “it wasn’t good then, but it is now”… he didn’t have a good relationship with him when he was young, so that was great to hear. Then he told us that there are 2 worlds, and asked if we understood that he was between them. He asked us a lot of questions – is it going to be the same there? Will trees be the same colour and will the house look the same? How do I get there? We told him we don’t know how it will be, but that it will be beautiful, and he can come visit anytime he wants. We said we don’t know quite how he gets there, but that when he’s ready and is tired, that he will go to sleep and wake up in his new world. He said he’s been in both worlds, but is in this one for now. He’s scared to leave, but I don’t think he will be for long.
    I have shed some tears this morning, but I don’t think they are entirely of sadness. I am happy that he has seen this other world, and that he was happy when he was there. Clearly I’m sad because I know it’s coming soon, but I know it’s going to be okay, because HE is going to be okay. We’ve had some great and funny moments with him over the last few days (like him telling me “I’m not confused, but the rest of the world sure is), among many others…
    Love to you all, I will keep you updated. I’m sorry for those who have lost loved ones in the last few days, and those that are close. We are in this together, and I’m thankful for every one of you.

    Jen

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