Am I crazy?

Discussion Board Forums Grief Management Am I crazy?

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  • #85853
    marylloyd
    Member

    Thank you friends. It is strange isn’t it how these things just hit you out of the blue. It’s usually when I’m alone for a day or two. I’ve had one of my kids living with me off and on (mainly on) since Tom’s death. When no one is around and I wander around this big house alone it just hits home how much I miss him and how much I always will! Especially this time of year. He loved Christmas! Memories just flood back.
    Julie, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. It just shows though how long these emotions can be bottled up inside. I have always thought I’ve handled things well also, then find myself sobbing in the shower for no real reason. I really should feel happier than I do.Things are actually going very well for me on every level. That’s why I think I may just be crazy! I have a wonderful gentleman friend who is very sweet and I really enjoy his company. But I can’t help making comparisons and realize that I’m never going to have what I had before with Tom. It makes me more grateful for the years we had together. But life goes on and I know it will be okay.
    Lainey!! That is so awful. I can’t imagine being bit once let alone three times! As dreary as Ohio can be at least we don’t have venomous critters! I hope you don’t have any lasting effects from the bites. I will be thinking of you today and I’m so glad you and Chuck have worked things out. Enjoy each others company!
    I’m going to ring the bell for the Salvation Army on Thurs from 10-3. I’ll probably do it again next week. I’m also signing up and taking the training to become a hospice volunteer. I’m really looking forward to getting out and helping others. It will be therapy!
    Take care all and thank-you for your friendship. We’ve been together a long time and shared a lot through the years! Love to all, Mary

    #85852
    iowagirl
    Member

    Lainy…..sorry to hear about your “visitor” in the night. THREE TIMES….OUCH!!!!

    Mary…you are not crazy…not even in the slightest. 36 years ago, our first son died two days after birth. I “thought” i had handled it well over the years….that is, until I decided to clean out some shelves, which included a plastic tub of special items …the little we have left of our son. I opened it…and then sobbed…gut wrenching sobs….so violent, they scared me. Even as I write to you, it brings tears to my eyes. I had apparently never allowed myself to grieve. The same thing happened 6 months after my dad died. We were in the middle of building a new house, which meant moving into a rental and then packing and moving again into the new house. While I was very busy during that time, I was so busy that I again didn’t have “time” to grieve.

    So many people just tell us to “get over it”….for some reason, they ‘think” there is some specific grieving time you’re allowed…and then you should “move on.” Well, it isn’t just all that clean and easy. Sometimes, I think the best thing to do in these circumstances is to meet with a psychologist ….to have someone with whom to share these feelings….someone who won’t judge and understands the process of grieving. Friends are great to have….esp to keep us busy and our minds off of things…but you can’t just shove these feelings into a closet and pretend that they’re gone. They WILL come back to bite you in the but eventually and usually when you least expect it.

    You are NOT crazy….or stupid…you are totally normal. Wish I could be there with you to “ring the bell”. Doing things like that does help get you through some of the tough times.

    Big Hugs,
    Julie T.

    #85851
    darla
    Participant

    Dear Mary,

    No Mary, you are not crazy. This is pretty normal for most who are in our situation. My Jim has been gone over 6 years, Sept 2, 2008, and I still have bad days. I too have lost several friends and relatives recently. A very good friend died this summer and then on his birthday, my mom passed way and a few days later another good friend and on & on it goes. This was in September and it really hit me hard. I basically am doing OK, but some days are much harder than others. I don’t think the feelings ever really go away, we just learn better how to deal with things.

    I haven’t had any counseling or meds either, but I am fortunate that I have a very close friend who’s husband passed away 3 months after Jim and out situations are so much a like that we know, understand and can talk things through with each other. I also have a group of friends we have known for years as couples and now all the husbands have passed away. Jim was actually the last one. I keep in touch with them and we get together once a month for lunch. This site, and those friends are what get me through those hard times.

    Keeping busy does help and I think you could use someone who you can talk to honestly about your feelings who truly gets it. Unfortunately, unless they are in the same situation, they really don’t get it. Most just think we are doing fine. They haven’t a clue.

    Vent all you want or need to Mary you are not being stupid. Just expressing how you feel. It does help. Come here and share your feelings when you need to. That’s what we are all here for. To help and support each other in any way that we can.

    Yes, this too shall pass, but you never know what or when it will hit you again. Take care Mary. Hoping you can find ways to work through these feelings.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #85850
    lainy
    Member

    Hello, my friend. Mary you are so normal. Tomorrow is Teddy’s 4th Year Anniversary. I am doing ok due to the Lexapro I am sure. I got like you last December and couldn’t stop crying and when my GI saw me he put me on the Lexapro. No side effects and I don’t get any sobbing. Pretty mild but do need my dose of 10mg and I get by with a little help from my friends. The RX friend. I am taking a giant leap with Chuck and going to his house for dinner Sunday and he wants to see our wedding video. I don’t like being without him as he makes me laugh all the time and he says I am a female version of him, a nut.
    Don’t be so hard on yourself and please talk to your Doc as you will feel so much better.
    Guess what happened to me last night? My worst nightmare. Got stung by a Scorpion 3 X while sleeping. Just came back from ER but they said I will be ok in a few more hours, OUCH!!! Stay in touch, girl. Love you!

    #85849
    lisacraine
    Participant

    Mary, my Mom and Dad have been gone for years and I still have relapses of grief and anything can bring hem on from a song or a recipe to a commercial. Maybe talking to someone would be helpful.. I will be praying for you.
    Hugs
    Lisa

    #10783
    marylloyd
    Member

    This is my fourth Christmas without Tom. He passed away November 18, 2011. I have so much to be happy and thankful about this past year. But I am struggling…. almost more than ever before. I have never had any counseling, taken any meds., really talked to anyone about my feelings, except here. My daughter pointed out last Spring that maybe I should. It’s been so long now… do some of you still have relapses of grief? It’s almost like PTSD. I can’t talk to anyone I know. They wouldn’t understand.I don’t want to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself. I don’t think I am. Anyway, I’m trying hard not to, but I can’t make myself feel happy lately. Yesterday I found out an old friend passed away. We had a group of five of us, her and her husband, Tom and me and another single fellow that had a lot of fun together in the early eighties. I’m the only one left. They’ve all died but me! That hit me hard. We aren’t that old!! I feel like they are all together having a heck of a party and I’ve been left out. How crazy is that?!! I need Tom to tell me to get my” you know what ” together. He did that once in a dream years ago. It actually really helped me. Sorry… I’m venting. I can’t say these things to anyone else. I’m going for a long walk and I’m going to try to do some volunteer work next week. I’m going to call the Salvation Army and see if they need bell ringers. I think I need my bell rung… I feel like I’m being so stupid!! At least I know that these relapses do pass in time. It’s just hard to understand our hearts and brains sometimes. They don’t always cooperate! Take care everyone! Mary

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