Another beautiful poem….
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Hi my dear Mary. Let me just say that the ‘other’ woman could be someone already passed like his Grandmother! Our guys have no jealousy or bad thoughts at all ever. I had a man here for Xmas dinner and had no repercussions except I didn’t like him at all. Remember Archie Bunker? That was him. I am so not like that and cannot tolerate ignorance or others. So, keep your dates Tom wants to see you happy!
Mary,
You are so right. Things are just too complicated. My thought processes work the same way as yours and it is so confusing. Not sure where I fit any more. I too no longer stress about things as none of it seems that important. We have been through the worst possible thing that can happen to us and everything else pales in comparison.
I can’t even imagine going through what you and Tom did for over 5 years. For us it was only 2 months. A very intense 2 months and then he was gone. I hardly had time to get used to the fact that he was sick and then that he was dying and then it was over.
Some days I think I am doing very well and others I feel I have slipped right back to the beginning. All I know for sure is that I have gotten this far and one way or another, I will manage to keep going and doing things at my own pace. One day at a time.
Take care Mary. Pop in from time to time and let us know how you are doing.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaI think it’s really good to get therapy and medication if you need it. I think a lot of people who could really benefit don’t seek help. Stress is a terrible thing. I actually feel less stressed than I did before Tom died. The stress of dealing with his illness and the inevitable outcome went on for over five years. I always hoped he would be cured but I always knew he probably wasn’t . It was not really a matter of whether he was going to die from this disease but when, how and where? Of course I could not imagine how awful it was going to be and how I was going to continue on. Since his death I almost feel numb a lot of the time. I don’t really get stressed about anything like I used to. I do get depressed and have to deal with that occasionally. I think I’ve dealt with things but I may be like you Lainey and held it in. I don’t really know. I’m trying to move on a little at a time. I hear Tom’s voice in my sleep sometimes calling my name in a way that is telling me to get it together! I always wake up thinking okay, I’ll quit moping around. Then I talk to a guy I’ve met on the phone, thinking I may try this dating thing again and I have very vivid dreams of Tom telling me he is leaving me for another woman. I wake up terribly upset. Wow. MY subconscious is feeling guilty. Things are just too complicated. Take care, Mary
Hi Desiree! So good to see you again. I went on a very small dose of Lexapro about 6 weeks ago and I tell you it is great. No side effects and I laugh at everything. Stress is a terrible thing and plays tricks on one physically. Believe me I know as Teddy passed 3 years ago and guess I held it all in for the most part and am paying for it now. I am not a professional but I feel you have just beat yourself to a pulp all this time. I am glad you are on Lexapro and going to go for therapy. Please let us know how you are getting along, we really care.
What a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing it with us as I could relate so much to it. I am so sorry for your loss too. I wish you peace and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I lost my mother November 29, 2012, and now I’ve been sick from the stress of losing her.
My doctor has been running numerous tests to rule out diseases etc. Stress has made me very sick and now I have to notify my boss tomorrow that I can no longer work as I don’t have the strength, and hope they will allow me to return once I feel better emotionally and physically. I’m not eligible for FMLA yet.
It’s amazing how stress affects us. My mother was all I had and she went fast in 8 weeks which absolutely devastated me, but at least she didn’t suffer for too long. I was grateful that I saw her before she passed and buried her BUT my life has and will never be the same again, as I loved and cared about her more than anyone in the world. Her spirit will always be with me until I meet her again. I’m starting psychotherapy this week and have been on anti-depressants, Lexapro which has helped me otherwise I don’t know. I’m trying very hard to keep busy but will always have my outbursts for the rest of my life.
I hear my mother once in a blue moon, through my head saying ” you have to take care of yourself and try to be happy and healthy, and remember that I love & miss you and will always be with you.” So, I’m trying very hard to take care of myself to the best of my ability which is hard but that’s all I can do, and I hope you do too.
I wish we could plan a reunion with all the people that have lost their loved ones to this monster of a cancer. Maybe in Kansas which is exactly in the center of the country. Maybe we can make it happen as I think it would be a wonderful idea and would be so good for all of us.
In the meantime, try to take good care of yourself and try hard to live one day or even one hour at a time. Individual therapy and anti-depressants is my suggestion, because it can really help.
A big hug,
Desiree
I just read your poem and it was really beautiful. I haven’t been around the site for a while and have been missing my dad tremendously recently. Wishing everyone much peace and love in this month of awareness.
~ Lourdes
Mary, that’s how the dating scene goes. It has nothing to do with looks, honestly most of the men think they are 18 or have no self confidence themselves. I found the best site was SeniorsMeet. I even tried eharmony and it was the worse. I went off now as it really isn’t fair to meet someone until I get well. You are invited to come out here anytime to warm up!!!
Hi Lainey and Darla,
I think it’s being locked up inside that’s causing my “winter blues”. I’m sure you understand, Darla!! Lainey, you’re lucky to live in the warmth and sun! I hope all of your health issues resolve themselves. You have had to go through a lot of krap!! I’m very lucky to be very healthy. I was on Match.com for 3 weeks and went off. I did go on my first date Weds. after talking to the guy for weeks and it was very awkward. He seemed disappointed. I’ve lost 30 lbs. and thought I looked really good and after his initial reaction I kept thinking about Tom the whole time. If he had been standing there and saw me get out of the car after all of this time he would have said “Wow! Forget dinner, let’s go home!!” Lol ! Anyway, a lot of these guys think they’re God’s gift to women I guess! The good thing is I met another fellow for lunch on Friday and we had a very nice, intense conversation for 3 hours. I was almost late for an appointment we were talking so much. But we are just friends. His wife died 18 months ago and he’s got a long way to go. We enjoyed talking though and I think it was good for both of us. I know someone will eventually come along but I agree with my son re: the online dating. He says it’s soul crushing! No more blind dates for me!!
Take care, Lainey. I hope everything goes well with your tests. Darla we definitely have to just take baby steps. Stay warm up there in Wisconsin!
Love to you both, MaryLainy,
Hope you are feeling better and that all goes well for you in February. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Mary, That is beautiful and so true, isn’t it. I feel much like you, most days all I want is my old life back. I’m trying to move forward one step at a time, but sliding backwards two or three steps now & then. All we can do is keep taking it as it comes. One day at a time. We can do this.
Thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Mary, good to see you as always. That poem is just beautiful and I am going to steal it for my collection. I had been crying so much this last few months, I knew it was time to ask my Gastro guy for something as I see him for most everything. He put me on 10mg of Lexapro once a day and boy has it helped. I am still not in remission with the U.C. and now they have found a benign Mengioma on the left side of my brain and it has to come out as it is already quite large and pushing on the brain. I was not going to say anything about this but I just want to show others how even a small dosage of antidepressant can help one get through bad things. I go in Feb 10th to get an EEG fitted to wear for 24 hours then the Neuro and Neuro-Surgeon will decide what to do. I am not scared as he said many older people get these. What I do wonder is how I get so much krap! Anyway dear Mary, I went off all SR sites, it isn’t fair to play around on them when I can’t go out to play! Mary, please don’t give up on moving forward, you just never know what the boys have in store for us! Sending you much love!
Someone posted this on facebook. I’ve never read one that expresses my experience and emotions so completely and simply…..
The moment that you died
My heart was torn in two,
One side filled with heartache,
The other died with you.I often lie awake at night,
When the world is fast asleep
And take a walk down memory lane,
With tears upon my cheeks.Remembering you is easy,
I do it everyday,
But missing you is heartache
That never goes away.I hold you tightly within my heart
And there you will remain.
Until the joyous day arrives,
That we will meet again.I’m trying very hard to move forward. But just like the old saying says, you take one step forward and two backward at times. I hate cancer so much!!! Like all of you, I just want my old life back!
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