anyone exerence personality changes long before diagnosis?
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Patricia, I hope you’re getting along well. I went back and read the posts about your husband. I’m so sorry. I agree with the weight loss. Charlie says he’s back to his normal weight, but he still looks smaller to me. Could be I’m just getting bigger – I stress eat! Charlie also naps and rests a lot. He’s still here and I’m so grateful. But then it’s almost like a grieving process, thinking things like – will we ever be ever to hike again, even walk for 30 minutes, things like that. Then, I feel guilty that I’m one of the lucky ones and still have my husband. How can I complain?? You’re 100% right. Caregivers feel guilty saying negative things and it’s not acceptable. Sometimes when we have family gatherings, he’ll pull back a little and be quiet I’ve noticed. We’ve dealt with anger issues too more so last summer. I’m sorry, I draw the line there, I can put up with a little anger, but if it goes on for days, it really takes a toll on me and the kids and I would just rather him not say anything than to be mean. There I go again saying unacceptable things…
Maybe we caregivers need our own spot to vent so we won’t sound so horrible to those suffering with this disease.
Carol
I noticed that my husband bacame tired more easily. All our married life we had sleep patterns that were very similar; if I got tired in the afternoon he would also be tired and have a nap. I said to him ‘You’re sleeping a lot.’ and he dismissed it but I thought to myself ‘I wonder if it’s cancer?’
He also lost weight on his buttocks which I noticed and thought well he’s getting on and older men lose weight on their behinds! Last week I looked at photos which were taken three or four weeks before his diagnosis and before any symptoms. I can see that he has lost weight and also the photo is of the whole family at the dinner table and I can see that he is somewhat removed from us all.
My husband became quite angry with me in particular and was sometimes horrible to me, not shouting or cruel but ungrateful and unpredictable. I haven’t read about this on this board before, I suppose we carers feel guilty about saying negative things about our loved ones when they are so ill, it’s not really acceptable.
I think that we cannot know until we are there, what this whole experience means to a fit and healthy person -suddenly facing the end of life. There is so little hope for most people who get this illness, compared with say breast cancer or colon cancer, that it is not surprising that a life changing revelation should produce a personality change.
I asked my kids if my personality had changed and they both said that my temper was sharper. I think in my case, it’s the stress and pressure of dealing with this disease combined with the normal stresses of single parenthood.
Karen,
All of our hearts are breaking. This disease and the treatment is so intense. I know you are going through just as much as his caretaker. My prayers are with you and everyone else on this site.
God Bless,
Brenda
LD
Thank you for the insight. My husband has become very “grumpy” lately and I know he is going through so much. My heart breaks for him.
Kareni think the cancer makes us tired which of course effects personality- i was always so bubbly- in fact, that was my nick name- bubbles- so when i started to slow down- i assumed it was my age. I choose to enjoy each day as it it was my last- i appreciate all- even a pretty bird, but i do have my poor little me days- then i kick myself in the $%@ and smile- you are ALL winners- just by being here- pat your selves on the back
Hi LD, The word struggle seems to follow this CC everywhere. My wife and I was just talking the other night about the best way to explain to the grandchildren of what is going on with PaPa. They were asking why don’t he play with us anymore? I got a little choked up about it As it was I that taught them to rough house and wrestle and now I distance myself and make excuses of not feeling good. The last thing I can remember is teaching my grandson how to ride is bike. Oh, how proud he was! They almost had to call the ambulance as I was so out of breath and weak from doing it. I’m kinda stubborn in that way. After reading your post it dawned I can still do things just less physical. Tonight is fun night. Thanks again for posting. Sometimes members post something and it makes a bell go off and makes me ask myself questions. A prayer of support coming your way for you and your family.
God Bless,
Jeff G.My husband was diagnosed in Jan 2007 and passed away in Aug. He had major personality changes as the cancer progressed and as I look back on it , I do believe these changes had started well before we knew anything was wrong, but his father had passed away unexpectedly (at age 84) and so I chalked it up to coming to grips with his father’s death. I noticed some weight lose and that he had stopped his daily routine of running several miles, but he kept telling me it was just stress. I finally got him to go in for a physical in Oct. 2006, but he passed with flying colors and the doctor also told him that he thought the weight lose was just stress. He wasn’t eating good and was very tired, it wasn’t until he had severe abdominal pain in Jan 2007, when we took him to emergency that discovered how sick he was. He was always very mild tempered, very layed back and easy going, but he had a major personality change and became very demanding and difficult. It was explained to me that with this disease tocins build up in the liver and cause something akin to an insulin reaction. The doctor prescribed Lactulose, which is the consistency of thick syrup (and he hated it) but it did help. I am still struggling to get past our final few months together because I too Lost my husband shortly after he was diagnosed. My children struggle with their last memories of their dad because they kept saying to me “This isn’t dad! What’s happening?”
I wish you well and all I can ay is keep trying to hold onto the memories of happier times. This is such a nasty disease and my heart goes out to anyone who has it and to their families.
My prayers are with you. LDDefinitely there have been changes. I could probably blame them on most anything, but the increase in fatigue, and a dramatic increase in social anxiety have concerned me for years. I didn’t even think about it being the cancer. I wonder how long he’s had it, because it’s been about six years since he started really having anxiety issues.
The biggest change in Scott, I feel, has come from the xeloda; the cancer treatment. It seems to suck the soul right out of the man. I don’t like to leave him alone, and it’s all I can do to convince him to keep breathing.
Brenda
My personality has changed so much. I look at just about everything differently. As much as I push and try to remain positive I sense a little withdrawal from interaction with my family. We have discussed my feelings and have had great support from my family but I still have to keep realing back the closeness and family love that I want. Another part of me wants to stay low key and isolate and wierdly put distance between me and my family so as to maybe make it easier when they day comes. It is so mentally challenging to plan vacations or other events, especially long term plans as I don’t know what the future holds. My changes seem to have begun after diagnosis so very slowly. Then when the decision to begin chemo things were really a rollercoaster. I have had to pull myself up out of the darkness so many times. It’s like one of those television commercials for depression,(it hurts). It’s like a cycle of emotions low then high. I’ve read a lot about this subject and it is considered normal but does take a toll on your loved ones as they are hesitant on how to respond from one day to the next. Now that I’m seasoned, it is getting to be easier as I’ll now say lets make plans, lets go do this or that but I do so openly with the understanding that if my health declines to the point that I’m unable to follow through we’ll just have to reschedule or whatever. I guess you would call this a form of adaptation. Like I’ll stay at the hotel and nap while they go to the pool or maybe I’ll be the first one in. It’s an arkward way of living but it’s living and enjoyment just simply watching the ones I love have fun. Even if PaPa can’t do the big ole cannon ball splash anymore it is fun . Hope, faith, and love will see me through to remission or in to God’s eternal peace. So each day I’ll try my hardest to be happy and continue living with my family! There is a reason for all of life’s events irregardless of which direction the road will go. Smile be happy to the most extent possible is my mind set now-a days.
God Bless to All!
Jeff G.I think that if we all looked back to the months prior to our diagnosis we probably would notice changes. I certainly did, no energy, bad mood, but I put it down to menopause and the need to get off my butt and exercise. Were these symptoms? Maybe. Should or could I have done anything different, I’ll never know, I even went to the doctor the day before I was hospitalized and we both put my feeling lousy to a stomach virus. That’s the problem with this disease, there are no definable symptoms where you can say, I need to get tested, there aren’t even any tests. So, instead of the shoulda, woulda, coulda, I prefer to look forward and concentrate on what I can do now.
Hya robyn and alison.
I also noticed a difference in Alan.
Alan passed away in April 2006 however in February 2005 our middle son had the mumps very badly.Alan also had them within a few weeks. During 2005 his partner dina now tells me she would often go to work as she is a dentist and alan would still be asleep when she came home from work. This was on his day of when he had to work a weekend. She lost her dad in August of that year and she started to get impatient with him as he was tired all of the time and she could not believe someone would sleep for such long periods.
I asked him round about december of 2005 was he anorexic as I felt he was losing weight. His reply to me was that whilst he had the mumps earlier in the year he had lost weight and had struggled to regain it. He assured me he had regained his normal weight. He never carried a great deal of fat as he was very muscular. Looking back with hindsight, I realised he was eating an enormous amount of sweet stuff. He, like myself had a very sweet tooth but again dina said he would polish of anything sweet in the house whether it be breakfast, lunch, dinner or anytime really. It was as if he could not control it. He also told me the pain in his back, under his left shoulder blade that started during late December was almost identical to a pain he had when he was in New Zealand in 2003. At that time he thought it was due to sleeping in a car or caravan whilst they were travelling around.
I suppose it is with hindsight we become aware of some small changes that do not appear to be significant at the time.
Hopefully, sharing these thoughts may enable the medical profession to get a handle in some way on some of the symptoms that our loved ones portrayed prior to being so very ill. love and light Alan’s momMy Husband Jon died in Dec 06 , He was diagnosed in March 06 and they told us he had probably had the cancer for about 2 years going on the size of the tumor. When I l think back to that time I can see that there was something going on , he became tired very easily and did not want to socialise as much as usual and looking at pictures now I can see it in his eyes , which I did not notice at the time.
Alison
My husband Rick seemed to change emotionally , as near as I can figure, around 2005. It seemed to come on gradually, he was disconnecting and very distant. I blamed it on the possiblity of male menopause, mid life crisis, whatever. We had been married 22 years by then, and i thot I knew him well. But he as emotionally void. I cant really explain it. Finally we went to counseling, and again, non participant. I tried to be close with him but he just was not “there”. I felt very threatened but just did not know why. Then he started to age fast, and get tired alot etc. I knew something was wrong and he did get a physical and passed. (How they palpated his abdomen and missed a 15 cm tumor I just dont know, I could feel it myself) He died the first of this year, and I never saw the old Rick again. I wanted to cherish our remaining time but he seemed unable to …feel, for the lack of a better word. I wonder if anyone else has gone thru anything like this. I feel like I lost my husband long before I actually experienced his death. I do believe it was the cancer, I found no evidence of anything else. The timing was right, but I am still confused about it. So I focus on thought of the normal Rick who was a bunch of fun almost my whole married life. But the last few years I was married to a stranger.
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