January 10, 2010 at 6:05 pm #34257mlepp0416Participant
I’m new to this web site, but remember this, NO ONE has an expiration date stamped on the bottom of their feet! Never take NO for an answer! My husband Tom is fighting CC after a liver resection, 19 months later a new inoperable tumor appeared in the remaining rt. lobe of the liver. We are fighting it together. Keep the faith and go with God.
MargaretJanuary 10, 2010 at 6:24 am #34256tiapattyMember
Well now you have gone and made me cry. I don’t have kids and there is no reason I can’t, just haven’t found anyone I think would father them well. I do have 4 nieces and 3 nephews and will clobber any sister who lays a claim to “Favorite Aunt” as that throne is occupied. In my family, aunt is just another word for another lady who will wipe your nose and change your diaper but is more likely to let you have candy.
I have a beautiful bedroom in the attic of my new house and tonight my 12-year-old niece asked if she could move in there. My twin sister lives 4 houses away with her 2 kids and my 18-year-old niece who lives in another state wants to come live with me for the summer. I think pretty soon my sisters will just be dropping them all off with their suitcases.
So for me it is sad but I think a childless aunt has a special relationship with nieces and nephews and I think this is also true with my friends’ kids, when I see them I am not focused on my own children so they have all my attention and that makes them feel special and making a child feel special is a great gift. These children are so lucky to have you, Kris, you are their other (and much more fashionable) Mom!
PattyJanuary 8, 2010 at 9:21 pm #34255sharon_teammarianMember
Kris I have been thinking of you ever since I read your post last night. We lost our first daughter when she was 9 months old. She had a genetic disorder that only allowed us to have her with us for such a short time. When she was born my sister, two of my best friends and two of my colleagues all had newborn babies. I remember how impossibly hard it was – I loved all the babies around me and I didn’t want sister or my friends to feel guilty for having what I didn’t have (a healthy child) – but it was so hard sometimes not to be jealous of what they had. And of course I was grieving – while she was alive for a life that I had imagined that was never going to be and after she was gone because I missed her so much.
I think that anytime our lives turn out to be drastically different from our expectations and our dreams we grieve even while we adjust and perservere. Some of the best advice I’ve ever received was from a wise woman who told me “It is possible for you to feel more than one emotion at the same time”. For me, it was such a liberating concept. It meant I could love all these babies and moms around me but it also gave me the courage to tell them that it was hard sometimes for me to be with their babies but that I still needed my sister and my friends. That opened the door for them to express their feelings of sadness for me and the guilt they inadvertently felt for having their healthy children. It also opened the door for “baby-free” plans allowing them to support me which I really needed.
Kris, you are one of the bravest people I know. I can’t imagine what you are going through. But I do know that you give so much of yourself, no one who knows you can possibly forget you.January 8, 2010 at 8:31 pm #34254darlaParticipant
Sophie, You said that so well and I totally agree with you.
Kris, Anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to have been touch by you will always remember and as Sophie said, who knows what is ahead for you.
Thinking of you both.
Hugs & Love,
DarlaJanuary 8, 2010 at 7:36 pm #34253sophieMember
Kris, I couldn’t get you out of my mind last night, your spirit, your encouragement and saucy attitude. I know you have this huge radiant glow about you. I bet there isn’t one person you’re ever met that didn’t like Kris. To read your feelings on the child you might never have breaks my heart, but don’t think that Hans will have nothing left of you or the love you have between you. He’ll remember the softness of your hair and skin, the strength you impart to others, the encouragement and the way you can make people laugh with your posts. There isn’t one little thing he’s going to forget about you, Kris, he’ll remember “what a woman, she brought out the best in me.”
And besides who knows what’s ahead? You’re still here, aren’t you?
SophieJanuary 8, 2010 at 11:19 am #34252magicParticipant
fertility issues and hormonal issues are another cancer issue really.Even if one has had kids,the early menopause that can be induced is difficult to deal with.It is another big part of cancer and cancer treatments.
Enjoy those babies and have those regrets of yours,then try to press on . JanetJanuary 8, 2010 at 9:47 am #34251lalupesParticipant
I’m so sorry, Kris – I do know how hard that can be. I was 35 when I was told I couldn’t have children & it took me a good while to adjust. My reason wasn’t the same as yours but the emotional side was still very painful. Since then, I’ve “adopted” all my friends’ children & adore watching my god-daughters grow up. My godson’s just had a baby, too & I’m waiting to meet him.
Have you had a chance to meet Kjartan Magnus yet? Please tell us more when you do.
All my best wishes are winging your way through the snowJanuary 7, 2010 at 10:03 pm #34250hollieMember
I know you would make an amazing Mom! All of your posts are always so reassuring and positive for people when you reach out. It is so normal to feel the way you do about not being able to have children. Then everyone around you having them seems so unfair to such a young woman as yourself. Just know that you are a very special person and deserve the best. Thinking of you. I know I love my Aunt Sophie like a MOm. I am certain there are kids out there who love you as much too. Sending good thoughts and love from Ca. HollieJanuary 7, 2010 at 3:41 pm #34249lainyParticipant
Hi Kris, go ahead and have your party and thanks for inviting us! But, never say Hans has nothing to remember you by. No one can take away memories. And, anyway, where ya going?????? Not yet, girl! P>S> I just remembered….you planted all those flower for Hans to remember his favorite flower called a HiKRIScus!January 7, 2010 at 2:53 pm #34248lisaParticipant
Kris, it is not wrong to mourn for what you can’t have. It’s only human. I sympathize with you. It’s really hard.
I feel for the grandchildren I will never know.
Hans will never forget you, and neither will those who know and love you, including the people on this board.January 7, 2010 at 2:19 pm #3058devoncatParticipant
In the last 3 months, 5 of our friends have had babies. At least 2 others are trying. I have spent time with several of my friends childrn ranging from newborn to 8 years. It is hard. I am very happy for them, but I am envious it isnt me and never will be. I think knowing I will never have children is the hardest part of all of this. When I am gone, that is it. There will be nothing left of me or of Hans and my love. Since I was 20,all I ever wanted was children and now it isnt going to happen.
It makes me sad. I love being around children and spending time with my friends and their babies, but sometimes it is just hard. Sorry for the pity party. Perhaps I need a childfree week.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.