June 9, 2009 at 9:35 am #29326rosyMember
I am so sorry to hear about the rough time your dad is going through. I too hate this horrific disease. Please be strong, and keep writing to us, and expressing what you feel.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Rosy.June 6, 2009 at 1:20 am #29325amyleaParticipant
I am so sorry. This is definitely an up and down journey, and it is so important that we have each other. You are 100% correct that this is really the only place that we can come and share our feelings and everyone else here really understands. I feel so alone sometimes with my concerns and worries about Mom and this nasty disease. My husband loves my mom as if she were her his own, but it still isn’t the same. I have two brothers, and they aren’t nearly as close as she and I are. My dad died of a heart attack in 1996. I have no grandparents left, so I feel like it is just me. I feel like even though there are many many people who love my mom so much, it just isn’t the same. It sends me into a panic to think about when she is gone, whether it be from cancer or something else. I need her! I just wanted you to know how much I agree with you and I am so sorry for the pain you are going through.
Big hugs, AmyJune 5, 2009 at 11:06 pm #29324cherbourgParticipant
Vent away all you like!!!! I daresay if you were to search our individual previous posts you would find hundreds by those of us who just needed to get it all out! (and did…lol) It’s so comforting to just be yourself with people who truly understand and have walked or are walking in the same shoes.
We are all on this stinking journey together – so come here often. I promise (from experience) there will ALWAYS be an answer, a verbal hug or just someone who understands.
Many hugs and much love,
PamJune 5, 2009 at 7:08 pm #29323debdanielsonParticipant
Thank you. This really is the only place I feel that I can say what I want without boring anybody, bringing anyone down or making them feel bad for me, etc. Even my husband, who knows all I have been dealing with, has his own life and work and he travels and is back and forth and so busy- even he seems to forget that it is constantly on my mind and how sad I am and he expects me to be able to keep right on being the perfect happy little wife. It is okay for me to cry a little or be sad for a little while but then I have to put it away and pretend it isn’t happening. And I don’t want to keep telling my friends all this stuff- as much as they love me I know it brings them down to hear this stuff and they get all sad and worried for me. They have happy things going on in their lives and I want them to be able to talk to me about those things, not feel bad that they have happy stuff while I don’t, so I just really don’t bring my dad up too much or if they ask give them the bare minimal details and when they say how sorry they are I just say ‘it’s okay, thanks’. But here is the one place I can talk about it. I can be in a bad mood and nobody gets upset. I can go on and on about my dad and nobody feels uncomfortable. I can ask questions and get the benefit of other people’s experiences, and I can offer what tiny little bit of knowledge I have learned through this whole thing.
I am feeling better after this morning’s feeling sorry for myself. My husband and I not only drove my dad straight up to Pennsylvania, then we had to drive back down to Wrightsville Bch, NC to return the conversion van we borrowed from my husband’s boss for the trip, then we had to rent a one way rental and then drive from there to Tampa, Florida which is on the west coast to pick up my husband’s children and then drive back down and across Florida to Fort Lauderdale which is all the way down south on the east coast. So we just finished driving basically three thousand miles in four days. Ugh. So I was very tired and depressed but I am much better now!
Anyway, thanks to everyone on here who helps every day. When I pray, I always pray for everyone on this site, whether it be patients or friends and family.June 5, 2009 at 4:05 pm #29322duke0929Member
we all know the ups and downs of this monster, the feeling of being helpless…we cant grab it and choke the life out of it, we cant punch it in its ugly face or even yell at it . all we can really do is gain as much knowledge as we can and get the best medical assistance we can. im sorry dad is having a hard time but you must stay positive and keep fighting and trying for his sake, i know that it is hard. sometimes i wonder how much can we put our loved ones through and how much can they withstand, and it will drive you friggin nuts. this is the most differcult thing that we as caregivers have to do…be well and we will pray for you and dad……..ronJune 5, 2009 at 2:45 pm #29321jamie-dMember
I am so sorry to hear that your Dad is having such a rough time. He is very blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. Don’t forget to take care of yourself along this journey. You said you had to take care of your animals. What kinds do you have? I have horses and dogs and cats and they can bring me alot of comfort. I just got bad news this week and that night I went out to the barn and talked and cried with my horses. It is amazing sometimes how they react. It’s like they know I need a little TLC. I know what you mean about the cancer being quick. I had a clear scan 3 1/2 months ago and now it is in both lungs and a 2cm tumor in my liver. I can’t believe it. I think we’d all agree this cancer is a monster. I will keep your Dad and you in my prayers. I hope thay can make him more comfortable and that you get some good news today. God Bless,
JamieJune 5, 2009 at 2:26 pm #29320lainyParticipant
Hi Deb. So sorry to hear what has happened. Unfortunately we always say the only thing we know for sure about CC is that we know nothing! Its heartbreaking and frustrating and you name it. Wish I could give you something medical and miraculous to lean on, but I can’t. Everyone is so different. We are up to almost 1,000 members and I bet only 4 -6 have been alike. Honestly swear, rant and rave like when you are alone in the car and it really does help. I put on MaMa Mia and sing like I’m on Broadway getting paid!
Keep us posted and take some time for yourself as it really helps one to get through this.June 5, 2009 at 2:24 pm #29319tessMember
That’s a lot to be handed at once Deb, and there’s really not a place for acceptence in the heart or mind at many times. I’m sorry you, your Dad and your family are going through this…. I’ve been there and I know your pain. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
TessJune 5, 2009 at 2:13 pm #29318darlaParticipant
I am so sorry for what you and your Dad are all going through. I too hate this horrific cancer. It doesn’t play fair. It sneaks up on you & hits with a vengence. I know how hard it is too accept & deal with all of this. It is all so overwhelming & exhausting. I don’t have any answers for you but I too will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers. I know it won’t be easy, but try to take a little time for you, too. You need to be strong so you can be there for your Dad.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 5, 2009 at 1:52 pm #29317walkMember
Sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much. It’s hard to balance taking care of someone and the demands of life in general. I know it’s overwhelming.
thoughts and prayers your way,
JanJune 5, 2009 at 1:47 pm #2374debdanielsonParticipant
My husband and I ended up driving my dad from Ft Lauderdale, FL to Allentown, PA. At the last minute he decided he didn’t want to fly. I know the main reason was because he was embarrassed about possibly having to go the bathroom and not making it… as he is totally wheelchair bound. Plus having a tumor also on the head of his pancreas is wreaking even more havoc on his tummy.
Anyway, he was going to be going into the hospital as soon as he got there to have his lung drained and we were very hopeful that he might have some relief finally after that, and that he would be not as exhausted and breathless. He is on constant oxygen already. He had had his second lung tap down in Florida and the second time they couldn’t get anything and his doctor said the fluid was in pockets and an ultrasound would be needed to locate them and pop them or whatever… or a chest tube placement would take care of the fluid.
So he saw a thoracic surgeon and they were going to do the chest tube. The surgeon thought he would like a ct scan first though. Then the surgeon opened him up to see if what he thought he saw on the scan was there. My dad has a huge tumor in his lung and that is what is preventing him from breathing. So the chest tube went in anyway and will stay in for a couple of days in case any fluids build up, but there was no fluid in there whatsoever in the beginning. Just tumor. So this was really bad news for him.
I am not sure what it means and there is an oncologist coming today to talk with him. Does anyone have any similar stories? Supposedly it is only in his right lung and nothing was said specifically about his heart.
I had to come home to take care of my animals and stuff, and I was going to be going up there soon to be with him in a week or two, but I am thinking I should get up there asap now. It is amazing how fast the f***ing cancer spreads. Just about two months ago we were cheering because the chemo seemed to be working and shrank most of the tumors and now after two months of stopping chemo to deal with his infections we have this. And STILL- not ONE single complaint from my dad. He will agree when I say how crappy this is but he will not say it himself. All he has ever said is, “who would have knew?”. Damn I hate this stupid fricken disease.
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