Balancing working with caring
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My 2 cents based on my experiences…
I work as a marketing consultant. These days I spend most of my time doing work for one particular company. When my Mom went on home hospice in mid-August, I cut waaay back on the hours I worked. I spent days with her while my sister was at work, and while Mom slept (which was often) I was able to work on my laptop, which was actually a good distraction for me. But I was able to get done what I could, depending on the day and how much time Mom needed from me. Towards the end I didn’t work much at all. Luckily, my employer was very accomodating.
If I could go back and change things, would I? Absolutely not. I treasure every moment I was able to spend with my Mom, and we created some fond memories that I will forever have in my heart.
After she died, I took a week off, then jumped back into work. I only work 15-20 hours a week, and it’s truly been a perfect balance of work and free time. Again, I feel very blessed that I can work from home and part time, especially having two school-aged children. But it’s all worked out well for me.
Search your soul for the answer and you will decide to do what’s best for yourself.
My husband went down to 25% for a month and found that too stressful. He felt he could not focus and was not doing a good job. He is now not working at all. We are lucky in that Sweden has very generous social care packages. We are not sure where I am in this process, but we know we want to spend some time together when it is still quality time.
Kris
I also need a job that provides more income, but like you, I am struggling to manage each day. I work only a couple days a week and it helps me so much, but I have a little anxiety all the time that I am away from my husband. It is a difficult situation, but in your place, I would spend as much time with your loved ones as possible and pray for a job that provides enough income without you feeling that you are not getting to be with your family enough. That’s probably not very helpful, but I am an extreme optimist about things working out as they should. I shall pray for you, your family and your job situation. Keep us posted. Blessings, Susan
Hello Claude1. First of all what you are feeling is totally normal. My husband is in Home Hospice and I work at home 6 hours a day. It really helps me to cope with what is also going on here. Life is for the living and we cannot stop our lives, we just have to make a little more room for our loved ones who need us. I would also look for that job and explain what is going on so that they understand you may need some times off. Good luck.
Claude1 I have been lucky enough that my employer is so understanding. My sis stays with Mom during the day. I stay at night. I have been allowed to come in late and leave early. Somedays I am so distracted at work that it is hard to keep my mind on what i am doing. But it does help to get focused on something else for a bit of the day. If you could find something P/T and close. And an understanding company it would help some. Good Luck. Prayers your way.
Claude1: Oh how I can relate to this! I am working full time, and also caring for my husband who has been on this CC Journey for almost 3 years. It is a struggle for certain. I wish I could afford to quit my job and care for him, but we do need to eat!
My husband is in the hospital – so I’m getting a small break, till he comes home.
Your feeling of wanting to be with your Dad are normal! And of course so are your desires to be employed!
Just keep looking for a job and until that happens…..make the most of your time with your dad!
Go with God and KEEP KICKIN’ THAT cancer.
Margaret
Hey all,
I have moved home to help my Mum, who is caring for my dad. Dad has cc with secondaries in his bones, and now, possibly, in his stomach. He has been well for a few months – we have been blessed in that sense – but recently he has been miserable, first with back pain (turned out to be pneumonia and the cancer in his spine) then with terrible trapped nerve, and now with constant vomiting. It looks as though this last is caused by a blockage in his stomach, just when we were reeling from the revelation about the bone cancer.
I am unemployed at the moment and totally unsure how to proceed. We have no idea what’s happening with Dad in terms of his care needs or prognosis. I am very employable, which is a real privilege at the moment in the UK, but I am also a tearful, nauseous, distractable mess. I have some contract work on but feel unable to give it my full attention. I’m also looking for steady employment since I need some money and, I think, some ‘professional space’ – some time spent as my professional persona rather than being trapped at home with my sadness.The question is, what should I be signing up for??
Head says to me – stay busy, I can’t spend another minute chewing this over while you stare out of the window.
Heart says to me – give me space to process this, and let me be close to Daddy while I can.You will all know how frustrating uncertainty can be in terms of trying to have a normal life, and to move forwards with some sense of purposefullness. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I almost want to clear the decks entirely, put everything on hold until Dad passes on. Is this weird?
Advice please – on balancing work and grief, and on balancing the need to move forwards with the need for space to process.
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