January 28, 2012 at 3:39 am #56930pamelaSpectator
As a caregiver:
I hate that cancer has decided to grow in my child’s body.
I hate that she might never be able to see her wedding day.
I hate that she might never be able to know the unconditional love of being a Mom.
I hate that she is in pain every day. Pain meds take away most pain, but there is always a lingering, nagging,bothersome pain.
I hate worrying if this could be her last birthday.
I hate the way people look at her with pity in their eyes and then whisper to each other.
I hate that she can’t work anymore and earn her own money and has to rely on disability.
I hate that our lives have changed so much and will never go back to how it used to be.
I hate thinking that one day I might have to live without her. I don’t think I could.
I hate to see her sad. It rips my heart out.
I am so thankful that my husband has a good enough job that I can stay home with Lauren and we can spend time together.
I am so thankful to have such a wonderful family that sticks together through everything.
I am thankful for Lauren’s doctors, nurses, and tumors shrinking.
I am so happy to have all of you. Your love and support means more to me than you can imagine.
Love, -PamJanuary 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm #56929jennifersMember
Chiming in as someone who lost somebody, not as somebody fighting this awful disease…
I hate that I lost the most amazing man in my life – my Daddy.
I hate reading about everyone (especially the younger people) fighting this, but love to read about their incredible strength in the face of such adversity – Pamela, I’m certainly speaking of Lauren on this one! I read your blog daily.
I hate how frail my strong Dad was near the end – a vision I’m not sure I’ll ever get out of my head.
I hate how Dad’s love for food made him so sick. I wished he could have eaten anything he wanted (and talked about eating) without feeling so very awful afterwords – I know he’s enjoying it now though!!
I hate all the moments Dad will miss in my daughters life and that she won’t have memories of him, even though she loved him so very much.
I hate that Dad spent so much of his last year worrying about us and how we would be. He wasn’t afraid to die, but was so sad that we would be left without him. It should have been all about him.
I love the time I spent with Dad that last year of his life. We knew he would be leaving us, and every second was so special. It taught me to make sure that this is how it is with my family ALWAYS.
I love (and am thankful for) all I’ve learned in the last 2 years (Dad was diagnosed 2 years ago this month). As I said at Dad’s funeral – he taught me to be thankful for every thing in my life – the sun, the rain, the miserably cold winters we can have. My beautiful family and every second I spend with them, and my amazing daughter who still has a bond with her Papa that lets me know he’s with me always. Days may not always be bright, but we are here, and healthy, and together – and that’s worth a smile.
I love that I KNOW Dad is with me – I may not hear him or see him, but I feel him and I feel his love surround me. Makes the hating part a bit easier to bear, and the good parts a bit easier to remember.
I am thankful for the little bit of good that came from Dad having this awful disease, I am a member of a huge family from around the world that loves and supports one another.
My love and thoughts and prayers are with you all, always. I still read daily, just don’t always have it in me to respond to posts.January 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm #56928mlepp0416Spectator
I hate this cancer because it robbed me of the man that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
I hate it because now I’m living without him and nights are long and lonely.
I hate it because we spend countless dollars and countless hours going through medical procedures and yes, we got three years and 8 months from his diagnosis, but I wanted MORE!
I hate it because although it made me love him more it has now left me without my man to love.
I hate that they cannot find a cure for it and hate that so many people are getting this cancer. I no longer believe the ‘numbers’ for this supposed ‘rare’ cancer. I think those numbers need to be re-calculated because I don’t think this cancer is rare anymore, not with seeing everyone who is on this board fighting CC….what about those who have it and don’t know about this board?
MargaretJanuary 27, 2012 at 10:00 am #56927baroqueSpectator
2 quick things my sister hates about cancer:
1. Hates that her cat still behaves like a cat and is hot and cold to her but now she transposes meaning to it: “Oh cat! You want to snuggle with me? Great! Wait, why are you being so nice?? What do you know??” or “Why won’t you snuggle with me?? Is it the stench of cancer?? Where is it?? Point it out to me!?!”
2. Hates that she has to wish for beating cancer in wishing situations (wishbone, shooting star, etc) instead of winning the lottery. Although, I actually think she still wishes on winning the lottery instead of beating cancer.January 27, 2012 at 8:48 am #56926kris00jSpectator
In no particular order:
I hate knowing anything about this disease.
I hate that I’ve learned all these medical terms.
I hate that I’ve spent more time with doctors in the past year than my previous 47 years put together.
I hate the huge scar on my belly.
I hate when people say “but you look good” like I’m sick or something. Hey people, I’m not sick, I just have cancer!
I hate when the first thing people ask is “how are you feeling?”
I really hate the fact that it’s “GREAT” that I’m about to have another surgery!!!
I hate living so far away from my family.
I hate that I cry so easily anymore.
I hate not being able to ride my motorcycle.
I hate the fact that I’m now afraid to be alone.
Because of chemo and other tests, I now hate chicken noodle soup and jello.
I love the fact that it’s made me appreciate life so much more.
I love the friends I have that are there for me.
I love the fact that, for the most part, I’m still “healthy”.
I know there’s more, but that’s it for now.
KrisJanuary 26, 2012 at 10:56 pm #56925tiff1496Member
When people I haven’t talked to in years ask me what my prognosis is.January 26, 2012 at 9:54 pm #56924RandiSpectator
I hate that everyone has to tell me about the mother/aunt/father/sister/friend/coworker who had cancer and died.
I hate that people sometimes act like I’ve done something wrong to have gotten cancer 3 times.
I hate when people tip their heads when they talk to me, like they pity me.
I hate that I fart all the time but love that my husband and I get a chuckle out of it. We usually say “did you just say something” or “is there a call on line toot”.
I hate that I can now talk about my bathroom habits the same way I used to talk about my weekend activities.
I love that I see life in a way that most people never do.
I love that my husband loves and appreciates me so much more.
I love that I’ve been able to connect with so many fabulous people on this site who maintain their sense of humor in the face of such adversity.
I could go on….January 26, 2012 at 9:12 pm #56923wallsm1Spectator
Pam, this is a good one. I wish I had known Kris too, I read through her old posts and she seemed so wonderful.
So, where do I begin?
I hate when I go to chemo on Fridays, the nurses ask me if I have plans for the weekend.
I hate that I have a huge scar on my abdomen and darker skin from radiation and I will never look the same as I did before the cancer.
I hate that I am so obsessed with my bowel habits. It’s like I’m 80.
I hate that my 33 year old husband has to take his wife to chemo.
I hate giving myself Neupogen shots. I’m a nurse and I’ve given other people thousand of shots, but it’s no fun doing it to yourself.
I hate I have to wear certain clothes to cover up my port, but I am glad I got the port.
I hate that people pity me. It is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I hate that the first thing I do in the morning is check my eyes to make sure they’re not yellow.
I hate the way CT dye feels. It’s weird.
I’m sure I will think of more!!
SusieJanuary 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm #56922mustangmortSpectator
You can bet that an Ulcerative Colitis patient would love potty talk. :0)
Cancer? I just hate being too tired to go out riding with my wife.January 26, 2012 at 7:38 pm #56921lainySpectator
Pam, thanks for bringing up our Kris again. She did have one big sense of humor.
I love this thread even with all the potty talk!January 26, 2012 at 6:53 pm #56920marionsModerator
Pam and Sueyers….great thread and a very important one too.
All my best wishes,
MarionJanuary 26, 2012 at 5:31 pm #6252pamelaSpectator
I was reading through some old posts and I found one that was really interesting and fun. It was started by Kris (Devoncat), a person I did not have the priviledge to talk with, but she seemed so awesome. The post was titled, “Pet peeves of cancer, the small stuff I hate, go ahead and add your own.” Now it might sound negative but it got like 66 responses. I found it to be quite interesting and funny. So I wanted to revive this old post if it is OK sort of as a tribute to Kris. Vent, make a joke, anything goes. Caretakers and family members join in too. I think we can have a good time with this. So here goes.
I asked Lauren these questions and these are her responses. I am sure she will add more as she thinks of them.
Hates the nausea after chemo for a few days and not being able to eat her beloved Italian red sauce.
Hates that she is gaining weight on chemo. Was so looking forward to being skinny once in her life.
Hates constipation and gas – A good poop is something few and far between. Farting was unheard of around Giovanni. But now she lets them rip.
Hates having no sense of hot and cold in her mouth. Her mouth feels like it is wrapped in Saran Wrap after chemo.
Hates being cold because she has no hair, but also hot and sweaty because chemo is making her go through menopause at 25.
She LOVES that she has time off and can do what she wants. She loves getting cards from her friends. She loves getting to spend time with Giovanni and her family. She loves that Gio and her never fight anymore or get mad because life is just too darn short. She loves that she never has to lift a finger to do dishes or anything else that she doesn’t want to do because her doctor said so.
She will think of more and I will post. I will post something too a little later.
Can’t wait to hear from everybody. Let’s make this post the longest one there has ever been.
Love you all,
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