CC and Intimacy

Rose May… I’m so sorry to hear of matters getting worse. I sincerely hope your partner’s granddaughter is okay and that his oldest daughters surgery for Ovarian cancer goes well. Going back to cc and intimacy. Well, you have to do what you have to do. You cannot subject your self to pain and discomfort. Your partner needs to understand the difference between itimacy and love and make a choice. There comes a time when this disease progresses ,like Carol mentioned and any attempt becomes useless. Even the frequent hugs and kisses start to slide eventually. It’s called lost of libido ,drop in seratonin and CANCER! My prayers that all works out for you and your partner.
Jeff G.

Rose may even though I was sad and terribly distraught I would have done absolutely anything for my husband.He continued to be his usual kind ,considerate and loving self and that helped us so much.I felt though
that we were on 2 sep arate journeys running parallel to each other at times but supporting each other as we could.
Janet

I have to agree with Janet. It is difficult & so sad. Gentle touching, hugs & kisses and holding hands is about all I can offer. Share what you can, while you can. All of that is what I miss the most now. As Lainy said, it really does redefine your life & what is truely important. It affects not only the patient & caregivers, but everyone around you.

Hi Ron. You said it beautifully and I know just how you feel, as Teddy’s Care giver & wife. This really does re define your whole life!

I have often wanted to bring this up as I feel it is an important topic and I have less of the embarrassment gene or thats inappropriate feeling than most. So if you get squeemish from TOO MUCH INFORMATION, sorry.

Less embarrassing help first….My husband is like an oven and produces more body heat than our heating system. I was very uncomfortable with him next to me so we figured out ways to cuddle that kept me cooler. He stayed under the covers, me on top. Sometimes we used a fan and it was winter! He had to wear pajamas as it kept his body heat contained. He also became my anti itch cream and lotion applicator. It was a way to keep us intimate AND it helped relieve all those symptons.

After surgery, I was able to sleep on my left side, but not my right. So we changed sides of the bed so we could spoon on the “good” side.

Here I might embarrass people so hold on or stop reading…..
Intimacy is more than sex, though sex is important. I had a hard time showering when I first got back from surgery, so Hans and I showered together so he could help me. It was all very intimate and caring and did not feel clinical or nurse like at all. It was very sweet.

There are other sexual activities than intercourse. Go back into your mind when you were first experimenting with intimacy. You most likely didnt jump into full sex immediately. Remember all those other things and put them into play. And anyway, foreplay for women is usually more rewarding than the actual sex.

And as for intercourse, there is more than one way to skin a cat. There are so many positions in which you dont get weight on your stomach or sensitive areas. Use them, they are your friends. Missionary position is your enemy. Avoid for several months after surgery. Thing about positions in which you as the woman dont use your stomach muscles, such as the so embarrassing named “doggy style”.

Since my diagnosis, I can say that my husband and I have always been intimate, though we dont often have intercourse. We talk openly about sex and our needs. We dont get embarrassed about it, we dont judge. And I think we have a quite healthy relationship because of it.

Kris

Good question! How do I say this. This is where for better or for worse/in sickness and in health come in. I know when I don’t feel good its…leave me alone. So I can only imagine what you all go through. I am lucky because Teddy is very romantic and cuddly which makes up for the more intimate times that have escaped us. You, being younger, will have those times again. I must tell you this cute Teddy story (I have a million). He brought home the movie Road to Rodanthe with Richard Gere? You wait and wait for the pair to connect and when they finally do you just feel the love. I am laying on the couch and he is sitting in his big old chair across the room. As soon as the couple kisses he gets up and walks over to me and kisses me and says, “is that how you felt with me?”. I just melt when he does things like that. He is 76 and I am 68 but we will be celebrating our 15th in July. I guess what I mean to say is when sex cannot be involved you find other ways to show your affection and love. Its not the arrival to your destination its the path you take.