Coming to the end :-(
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Sammi…..I so much agree with Gavin and applaud you on supporting your Dad’s decision of denying any other interventions; this in itself is the greatest gift to make to the ones we love.
I wish for strengths, comfort and serenity in this precious time.
Hugs and love,
MarionHi Sammi,
I’m only at the beginning of this journey with my mother, but my heart is heavy for your current state with your dad. It’s easier to say “lean on those who love you” than it is to actually do it, but I’m sure (or, at least, I hope) you have a wealth of support around you to help you help your father transition. XOXO
Sammie,
Sorry to hear this news today about your dad. The blockage around the stent is exactly what my dad had as well and I can so understand why your dad has refused anymore blood tests and surgery at this point. Got to say as well, I do think that your dad has made a good and wise choice as well with regards to going into hospice at this point as they are experts at care for patients at this point and I know that he will be in good hands with them. I think I said to you before that my dad had nothing but good things to say about his care in hospice and I totally agree with that. They took excellent care of my dad and nothing was too much trouble for them.
Should you wish to contact me off board Sammi then please feel free to do so as well.
Hugs,
Gavin
Hi everyone, when I went back in to see dad this morning he had decided that he wanted hospice after all and he was transferred there this afternoon.
He has a blockage around his stent but has refused surgery to try and unblock it and has also refused any more blood tests etc. We’ve been told that as a result of the blockage we’re looking at a matter of days now.
I’ve got great support around me helping out with my children so that I can spend these last few days by his side as much as possible.
I’ve reached a point where although I’ll miss him desperately, I just want him to find his peace now.
Thanks for your support – it means so much to me at this time.
Hugs to you all xxx
Sammie,
I am very glad to hear that you have the Mac nurses involved with your dads care. They are invaluable and my dad had one for a long time, since his diagnosis actually and she was there at the end as well. They will provide much help and support to you and lean on them as much as you want to. One thing you may want to discuss with them is the use of a syringe driver for your dad. This helped my dad a lot when he was in hospice and it is a way of getting a constant supply of his meds over a 24 hour period. My dad had bad issues with vomiting so when he was taking his meds he was bringing them up so they weren’t working. The syringe driver gets around that by putting the meds directly into the body rather than one having to try and swallow them.
Glad to hear that you have hospice arranged as a back up if needed and planning is good.
I know you are scared, we all are at this point and it is such a tough situation for you all. But as you say, you wouldn’t want him to pass without having his loved ones beside him would you. I hear what you say about thinking that all that lies ahead for you now is blankness, that is an understandable thought considering everything that is going on for you right now. But Marion is right in what she says about one day you will look back and know that you did everything that you could to help your dad. The days, weeks and months after my dads passing were hard to say the least but I knew that I had to stay strong for my mum as I was and still are her carer as well. Again it comes down to strength and I know that you will have this as well. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my dad, but time is a great healer and I can look back and laugh and smile at the good times that we had. I don’t forget the bad times, none of us do but I like to and am able to look back at the happy times and I know that given time you will as well.
Please remember that we are always here for you and always will be. Thinking of you and your family right now.
Hugs,
Gavin
Sammie…..too many of us can relate, but as mentioned by the others, you too will get through this and provide the comfort your Dad deserves. One day, dear Sammie, you will look back at this time knowing that you have given it your all. Your Dad must be so very proud of you.
Hugs and strengths,
MarionThank you all for comments of love and support. They really do help to carry me through each day. I’m humbled by the kindness from people I’ve never met – thank you.
We have MacMillan nurses who are working with us. I had a very good talk with one earlier who will oversee his discharge. In addition the discharge nurse will assess his needs tomorrow morning and will start to arrange the right provision for him, however we’ve been told this could take 3-4 days so in the meantime my step mum, me and my siblings will be covering his care needs.
We know we have hospice as a fall back option if it all gets too much.
I’ll keep you all posted.
Gavin – I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m scared of watching my dad die but I wouldn’t want him to pass without his loved ones by his side, so I will be brave. How do you move on with life after? It feels like all that’s ahead is blankness.
Dear Sammie,
I am so very sorry indeed to hear where things have progressed to with your dad. Having been there with my dad throughout I so know how you feel and what you are experiencing right now. I was where you are now with my dad and I know how tough it is for you all. My dad had the chance to leave hospice for a few days but decided to stay as he felt he would be taken care of better there. Everyone has different wishes for this stage.
All I would suggest to you is that you have a plan in place for homecare for your dad so that he can be kept as comfortable as possible when he gets home. This is of the utmost importance now and I know this from my own experiences with my dad at this point. Will you have the services of a Marie Curie nurse for your dad when he is home? They will be able to provide the care and help he will need for all things medical, meds etc. I strongly recommend that you have some help lined up for when dad gets home. Marie Curie can be found here and your dads gp can refer him to them for help if something is not in place already.
https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/
What lies ahead will not be easy for you all but I know that you are strong and will deal with everything that you have to. It is not easy at all, I know from my own experiences but you will do what you have to and get through this. We don’t know the strength that we have sometimes until it is called upon, please trust me on that one.
My thoughts are with you all right now and I wish you peace and strength.
Hugs,
Gavin
I’m so sorry Sammi. What a blessing to be able to go home to be surrounded with love and care. Sending positive energy and prayers for strength.
Melinda ADear Sammi, yes this is the hardest part and I do believe Dad is just waiting to go home. I believe we pick our time to make the final journey and probably he is holding on until he gets home. We ask ourselves, when is enough, enough? In a strange way it seems we make our own final call. The most important thing is to make sure you have you need to keep Dad comfortable. Something for pain, agitation and nausea. You saw Dad through this horrible journey and you will draw on the same strength to get to the end. You never know how strong you are until “strong” is the only choice you have!
I asked for strength. God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom. God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity. God gave me brawn and brain to work.
I asked for courage. God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience. God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love. God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors. God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed. By Aaron HoopesUpdate on my dad for those who have followed some of my earlier posts.
He made Christmas Day but only in body – he slept most of it and vomited a few times but didn’t really eat.
He was re-admitted to hospital last Saturday (27th) and remains there at the moment. He’s stopped eating now, barely drinks and has been on IV antibiotics for over a week which seem to have finally conquered whatever infection he had. He’s lost a lot of weight, sleeps most of the day, hallucinates and is very confused when awake and has been aggressive and angry at times too. He’s had enough of needles, canulas and blood tests and his veins are collapsing. He is now very jaundiced as his liver is failing and in addition he has oral thrush. His body twitches involuntarily and he has a vacant look in his eyes.
We’ve pushed today for him to be discharged and allowed home as that is his wish. I just hate seeing him like this, he’s not dad anymore and he’s told me more than once that he’s had enough and wants it to end. We should be taking home tomorrow where I hope he gets to end his days with his beloved wife, dog and children around him.
I can honestly say this has been the most painful period of my life to date and I fear I will never get over watching my beloved dad declining like this. Life will never be the same again.
God give me the strength to get through the final chapter of this devastating situation and allow my dad to pass peacefully and with dignity.
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