Counceling

Beth,

I know the feeling of wanting to smash someone with a chair. I actually had my friend tell me about a month after Mom died that I really needed to get over her death since all of the grieving in the world wouldn’t bring her back! As if I hadn’t already thought that one through! Duh!

People who haven’t gone through this can be sooo insensitive!

I’m still grieving and working through the process. I’ve learned a lot and over time, it does become easier to accept my new “normal”. I would give anything to have just one more hour with my Mom! I’m at the stage where I mostly remember the good things and some of the bad days are growing less memorable. I still hear things from people that make me cringe. I credit my southern upbringing and fear of prison for helping me more or less present a “normal” face to the public most of the time. (*grin*)

Grieving is a process with no timetable and it’s intensely personal. No one will ever grieve in the same way as you. You have to work through the process in your own time and way. We are all here for each other and at times that has made so much difference in my life. I know there are people here who understand and will and can support me.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs!

Pam

Darla,

I am still going to therapy once a week, if it wasn’t for that I know I would be crazy. It has been 9 months since Wayne went to see Jesus, and then last week my mother joined him. Two major losses in my life it 9 months. I thought I was getting better then now I feel like I’ve taken a huge step backwards.

When I go to therapy I can talk to her, I know I’ve let her into my defensive box that I’ve had around me for years. I thought I always had to be the one that had to fix things, make them all better, but I can’t fix these things. I went to a after hours doctor the other day, I couldn’t even talk to them I couldn’t think, I know I must have sounded totally crazy. But when I have to go into new situations, I can’t handle it.

My husband had been sick off and on for 30 years, for the last 22 I was caregiver. I know what you mean about the doctors, they don’t tell you anything. They didn’t tell me it was stage 4 until one week before he passed. Then he gave him six months, two days later three months, then another doctor came in and said we needed to move to hospice, he went to see Jesus 27 hours later.

I saw that doctor in the ER with my Mom, my daughter had to make me go the other way, I don’t know exactly what I would have said face to face, but I don’t think it would have to nice.

Now Christmas, I might just sleep through it.

Terry

I also had someone to compare their divorce to my husband’s death. It still makes me so mad I can’t see straight. When I read this on your post tears just flowed for the pain it causes me.

Last week was a bad week, I went to the doctor she was ready to admit me to the mental ward, the therapist agreed but I talked them out of it. By the end of the week, I had been fussed at about things I couldn’t remember.
So tomorrow is our 36th wedding anniversary, I’m taking off work, I don’t really have any plans, I’m going to see if my daughter would like to do something together, if not I’ll stay at home, can’t get into much touble there.

The old song said “Love is a many splendid things,” but is the word for love that is there, but you can no longer see it, or feel it. I guess it would be faith. I’ve always had faith but I didn’t think I would have to have it alone.

Dear Beth,

Vent all you want, you have that right. I know exactly how you felt. What she said was very unfeeling and insensitive. I actually have had people compare my husbands death to divorce and say that divorce is worse. I don’t think so! I truely believe that losing a loved one to this disease and watching what it does to them both physically and mentally is about the most traumatic thing anyone can go through. I have been told that as hard as it is on the person who is dying, it is even harder for those who love and care for them.

As you said, everyone’s situation is different and you can not compare one person’s grief to another’s.

Hopefully you will be able to find someone more compassionate and understanding to help you and your daugther through your grief. Take care Beth and come back and vent whenever you want or need to.

Love & Hugs,
Darla