Dad left today
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It’s been weird – I saw the funeral notice in the Sunday paper for a friend who has been undergoing cancer treatment since last spring – so, I’ll be going to another funeral tomorrow –
As hard as it was for my Dad to let go, I can’t imagine what it was like for her – her #1 priority had always been to take care of her handicapped son – so terribly sad
What a beautiful message.
So glad to hear you are sleeping better and allowing your wonderful memories of your dad to soothe you. Take care. NancyHi, Jen –
Actually I’ve been sleeping better since we had Dad’s service – I didn’t realize how stressed I was with all the preparations and the anxiety about everything going well
I’ve been working on the family photo albums and it brings up a lot of good memories of my Dad – I also pulled out my collection of CDs and the music is calming
Kealii Reichel is a chanter, singer and kumu hula (teacher of hula). A couple of years ago, he put out a CD which he dedicated to his grandmother who had passed away. When I took the CD out, this is on the inside of the case.
Look inside my heart
And you will find a secret place reserved for you and you aloneLook inside my soul
And you will feel my love washing in waves over every moment of our sharingLook inside my thoughts
And you will see silver stars dancing our names across the heavensLook inside my life
And you will know that love has etched your name on my very soulRose – so glad the funeral went well yesterday and you had a nice sunny day. Hope you are doing okay today – I found the day after the funeral a bit tough, since there was nothing left to plan or take care of. I’m thinking of you, and hope you are doing well!!
Jen
Hi, Jen –
We had Dad’s funeral service today – it was good to see relatives we haven’t seen for a while – one of my cousins told me that she still remembers the time she helped my dad make ice cream – it was wonderful to hear that!
It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon when we took Dad’s urn to Punchbowl and placed him in the niche with Mom — they’ll never be apart again —
I hope you’re feeling better — take care
Rose – Dad was the same way near the end. He was mostly distant the same way you described, but I loved every second that he was lucid and able to communicate, if even only to say “I love you” or “everything’s good” (something we heard a million times since he was diagnosed) before going back into his other little world.
Thinking of you.
Jen
Hi, Lainy and Susan –
When we brought Dad home, the hospice nurse case manager said that we might notice what she called a “1000 yard stare” and often, I would see that as Dad would gaze out at the garden or through the sliding glass door of his room to the street outside. It was almost as if he was storing it all away.
At first, it hurt that he seemed to be distancing himself from us but I think during those weeks, it was a natural process of slowly separating from life. Yet, there were times that he recognized and was happy to see relatives and surprisingly, the nurse’s aide who came several times a week. So we enjoyed the moments when he was “present” and just sat with him when he was “distant” and both were good.
This has just made me realize how precious every day is and to enjoy the good times and not to sweat the small stuff —
Rose – I am so sorry for your loss, but I have come to believe that there is another whole world around us that we cannot see and every once in awhile we get a glimpse of it through the visits or reminders of our loved ones. I am so glad that the pigs came and the twinkling and the opening in the sky – you are experiencing that world that many never see as they don’t have eyes to see it. Maybe we need to lose someone very special and deeply loved to be open to what else is available to us. I look upon it as God’s grace extended to us to bring us comfort and joy. Blessings, Susan
Rose, I like this post as I can see how many steps you have taken as well. I too like the concept of the Buddhist. I sure have a feeling that when the bedroom door opens it’s your Dad letting you know he is still around his family.
Hello –
Thank you all –
We will be holding a Buddhist funeral service for Dad this Friday and the Bishop asked us to meet with him today to go over the ceremony — neither my brother or I are Buddhists but it was very comforting to talk to him.
He explained that for 49 days, the spirit remains, essentially to make amends for any regretted actions, thoughts, etc. A service is done shortly before or by the 49th day after someone passes so the spirit can then depart.
My sister-in-law then asked if Dad was still in the house. Although she makes sure to close Dad’s bedroom door, several times at night, the door has opened although there is no breeze blowing.
So while we had originally not thought of holding the 49-day service, now that we understand the reason for it, we have a new perspective. If it will help, I’m all for it.
Every day is a little journey and I learn something. There’s a long way to go but at least I can look back and see how many steps I’ve taken.
Rose and Jennifer,
I’m very sorry for your losses. I lost my wife to complications from this disease last October, and even at almost nine months, the feelings of pain and loss have not decreased. I’m told it gets better, but I’m still waiting.My best to y’all.
Kevin
Rose,
I’m so sorry for your loss. Dad passed the same day, so I hope they met up on their journey. I believe our dear Dads are watching over us and never far away, and hope you find peace in the difficult days ahead.Thinking of you.
Jen
Dear Rose, So sorry to hear of your dad’s passing but thankful it was peaceful. Love the story about the pigs coming to say goodbye. Animal instincts often seem more advanced than ours.
May you find comfort in your memories and in knowing that your beloved parents are together again. Hugs. NancyHi Lainy –
I had been reading your posts about your visits from Teddy and was thinking about sharing what happened after my mom passed away.
I was extremely tired when I got home the night after mom died and I feel into a deep sleep. At 4 a.m., I heard her call my name but it was how she did it when she was upset with me. So, I crawled out of bed and at 4:30 a.m., I was trundling down the deserted aisles of the nearby 24-hour Safeway (the first and only time in my life). I guess she did it to make sure I had food in the house although certainly she also knew that I was not the cook she was!
Well, after that, there was absolutely nothing and I felt a little hurt that the one time I heard from her, she had sounded so sharp.
About six years afer mom passed, my long-term relationship with a boyfriend ended and it was a very tough time for me. I took to going to Punchbowl to see mom every weekend and after I left her flowers, I would go up to the look-out. From that look-out, on one side, you can see the whole city below and the other side, you can see the whole of the cemetary. I would look at the columbarium where mom rests and I would so wish that she were here so I could talk to her.
One sunny summer day, I was walking down the broad bricked pathway from the look-out to my car when I saw a bright twinkling (immediately fairy light came to mind although this was in bright sunshine) which danced in the air. I kept watching it as I walked down the path and this light kept twirling in the air and drifting slowly down the path. I finally neared, reached out and caught it in my hand. It was a square of textured, clear plastic wrap (like what might be placed on the top layer in a box of candy.) I looked at it and said “hi, mom.”
I folded it carefully and it has ridden with me since in my car console.I got some strange looks when I describing hearing mom call me so I didn’t tell anybody about what happened at Punchbowl. After reading about your visits with Teddy, I know mom came to see me because she knew I needed her.
I take my dog walking every morning and as I mentioned, it’s been cold and rainy. On Saturday, when I looked up, there was a big, triangle-shaped patch of clear sky with the gray rain clouds streaming past and this morning, there was a big square of clear sky with the gray clouds surrounding it. I think mom and dad are looking down to check that we’re OK.
So, Lainy — I’m with you 100%
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