December 8, 2008 at 12:57 am #24496frogspawnMember
One thing is for sure you will suffer from those who cant handle “the bic C” just as much as you will benefit from love and kindness from the most unexpected quarters.December 7, 2008 at 12:19 am #24495
Gavin….indeed, it was a good day. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers to you toDecember 6, 2008 at 11:54 pm #24494
Just a quick update. My dad was out this morning at the local shops and bumped into his friends wife. Well they spent quite a while talking and she was not at all hesitant in talking to my dad about his CC and everything. They didn’t talk about why dad’s friend didn’t talk to him the other week, but hopefully the next time they see each other they will be able to talk to one another and catch up etc. I’m sure she will go home and mention to her husband that she saw my dad. I know it made dad feel good to see someone he has known for years and to be able to talk as they had done for all these years. A good day.
Just thought I’d let you all know.
GavinDecember 2, 2008 at 11:22 pm #24493ron-smithMember
Go to the Cafe and all of your requests have been answered.
RonDecember 2, 2008 at 10:28 pm #24492
Thanks for the explanations. Just wondering it must be a custom from way back and have some sort of meaning. I would love to know that, also.
Patty: I was expecting a link posted by you in re: to men in kilts. Still laughing at your comment
And, I almost forgot…possibly, we can use the “Cafe” to further discuss this special day in ScotlandDecember 2, 2008 at 10:06 pm #24491tiapattyMember
Sounds like pure fun, not sure about the haggis but I’d go just for the men in kilts!
PattyDecember 2, 2008 at 10:00 pm #24490
Sounds like you had some good times in Scotland on St Andrews night! All the foreign exchange students I’ve known who come to Scotland all seem to love the night just as much as you seem to have had. The haggis, tatties and neeps sure went down a treat, delicious!!! Although dad cant have a wee dram with it, but Irn-Bru is a good substitute! And yes dad loved it! And a great description of the meal you gave to Marion! The haggis used to be cooked in a sheeps stomach, but now it is more common to use an artificial casing. Wrap in tinfoil, simmer in water for 50 mins, slice the casing open and then let the aroma waft out!!! Lovely! Not long until Burns night and the next haggis supper!
Dad has his scan at Ninewells in Dundee on the 23rd of this month to see how the treatment has went so far, so obviously we are just sitting here waiting and keeping our fingers crossed. If there is anything at all that you want to know about my dads treatment, experiences etc then please just ask as I am more than happy to answer any questions. Email me direct if you do not want to ask here.
All the best.
GavinDecember 2, 2008 at 3:57 am #24489devoncatMember
Neeps=turnips, usually mashed
Haggis= sheep’s ‘pluck’ (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for approximately three hours (from wiki). It sounds gross, but it can be nice and spicy and quite yummy.
St. Andrews is a great night. Loads of men in kilts, good food and good friends. Firewords as well sometimes. People flying Scottish flags and just great national pride. I loved it. As a foreign exchange student, I got invited out to several celebrations (and Burns night as well) that were fantastic. Just thinking about it makes me miss Glasgow and Scotland. Its the kind of place that really grabs your heart and doesnt let go.
KrisDecember 2, 2008 at 3:42 am #24488
Alright, for those of us who don’t know anything about the customs in Scotland…what are neeps, tatties and haggies? Great sounding words. (The Whiskey I get)
Ron, would love to hear your explaination, also.
MarionDecember 2, 2008 at 1:48 am #24487devoncatMember
Thanks for reminding me about St. Andrews Day. I loved it when I lived in Scotland. You are right, you need neeps, tatties and haggis (plus a little whiskey). I am sure it was just the thing to cheer your dad up.
And dont I know about the icy, cold winters. Hans has threatened me with special shoes older people have to walk on ice because I turn into a little bambi the moment it gets slick.
Has your dad had any scans to see if the treatment is working? I am very interested in his treatment.
KrisDecember 2, 2008 at 1:26 am #24486
Thanks to you all for sharing your experiences and stories. It would seem from reading them that what happened to my dad was not so unusual. Thinking about it, I can see how it must be hard for some people to deal with illnesses such as this and how to talk to those suffering in this way.
Such a very sad story you tell. It’s hard enough for people to deal with this illness as an adult, but it must be so incredibly hard to deal with as a 14 year old. My dad is 64 and was a bit upset at this as he felt he had been blanked a bit, so I can not imagine what a 14 year old child felt in a similar situation. So sad. Marion makes a good point that if people dont know what to say or dont want to say the wrong thing then they simply just say nothing. I guess if some adults deal with it this way then children will do as well.
I am staying positive and hope that you are doing so as well!
Good to hear from you too. I can understand what you say when you talk about people not wanting to say the “wrong thing” so saying nothing. This is something that I think I will talk to my dad about and will tell him about you and everyone else’s thoughts and experiences on this issue.
Dad had a better weekend than he did the week. No shakes, slept okayish and his mood seems to be better. I really think the shakes when they hit him really remind him about his CC, and this then drags his mood down. It was St Andrews day this weekend so I made dad and I Haggis, tatties and neeps! Mum hates this but you cant not have haggis on St Andrews day! So I made her something else.
Mum has not been to the gym or shops as it is so cold and icy right now and the cold air makes it hard for her to breath outside. However, if it comes to it soon then I will be carrying her into the gym and putting her on the treadmill! Dad has got round the problem of icy weather by just going out later in the day when it is not so cold which makes sense to me. He gets up at 6.30 in the morning to take one of his tablets, he cant have any milk for 2 hours once he takes this tablet so he used to take this the go to the shop for papers etc. Now he takes this tablet, then goes back to bed for a few hours then gets up for breakfast later on! I dont like him going out so early anyway when it is cold as he really does not have to, but he was a bit stuck in his ways!
“cancer is only a word, not a sentence”. Wow, such a meaningful phrase and so relevant to the experiences you and others here have shared and talked about. That is a lot that your dad and his friend have shared, friendship, living near to one another and being in business with each other. And both still being friends now and both coming from the “old country”. Plenty to talk about and share over the glasses of wine!
I guess your dad must have been quite upset and confused when his friend seemed a bit distant after he learned of his CC? Especially as the 2 of them went back a long way together. It’s good that your mum and his wife talked about this situation and now your dad and his friend are back to normal as you say, even if it did take quite a while. The next time I see my friend or his dad I will mention this. i was going to email him, but I’d rather wait until I bump into one of them again.
Am keeping my fingers crossed for you and your dad on Monday for his lung test results.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your situation with me and I am sorry to hear that you have gone through a similar situation as my dad. That must be hard when you want someone close to you to talk to about your life and how it has changed, yet that friend does not seem to want to discuss it. I guess there are no easy answers here for us and that everyone seems to react to certain situations in different ways. You said at first that you were very hurt by this but after reading these posts maybe you were begining to understand. Well I guess that maybe some good can come out of these posts for all of us perhaps?
My dad does not really like to talk a lot about his CC, but if I push him on something then he will talk, but not a lot. Mum and I talk a lot about this, she is not one to hide away from it and hope it dissappears, but dad seems to be the opposite.
“I think it is true that many do not understand until it happens to them. I know I see a lot of things differently now than I did a few short months ago.” I agree completely with all of that so much.
Thank you so much once again Darla for sharing your situation with me.
Thank you so much for your post and for sharing your experiences. My dad has 2 friends that he grew up with, played in a band in the 60’s and no doubt got up to all manner of mischief with at the time! Actually there were 4 in the band but one of them moved away many years ago. The 3 of them that are left here have all been friends for so long and still are today. They have been a great source of support and visited dad many times in the hospital and when he came home, just as your mum’s friends supported her.
When the 3 of them get together, they talk about all sorts of stuff, both good and the not so good, but dad is not as open as they are. But when they ask him something about his CC, he talks to them about it, but only if they ask. My dads other friend I mentioned in my first post, well I guess you are right about him not being able to face this situation. Hopefully the next time they see each other this will not be the case.
Thank you all once again.
Hugs and the very best to everyone.
GavinDecember 1, 2008 at 5:52 am #24481tiapattyMember
My mom’s friends were a great support to us when she was sick and when she died but I could see in their faces that even though they have all lost people close to them, including their parents, my mother’s death has affected them differently, for the first time they are considering their own lives and wondering how death will come to them and when. Perhaps your father’s friend cannot face this thought.
My mom was only 66 and some of my friends seem uncomfortable talking about it, I think because they are not ready to confront their own parents’ mortality.
I also think that how illness and death are dealt with when you are growing up is important. I am half Irish and have been to many wakes, even as a child, and was surprised when an adult friend asked me for advice on what to expect and what to do at a wake because she had never attended one. The same is true for illness, in some families it is something kept hidden.
PattyNovember 30, 2008 at 12:35 pm #24485darlaParticipant
I can only add to what the others have said. In my situation, my husband passed away 3 months ago after only having be ill for about 2 months previous. I have experienced the same type of issues as this with some people. I have a very close friend, a similar situation to what you described. Her husband had a heart attack & has a lot of health issues. When Jim passed away, she was very sympathtic and mentioned that she always thought her husband would pass on & leave her alone before the rest of us. Now, I hear from her every now & then, but she does not really like to talk about Jim or my situation and how my life has changed. When I bring it up the answers are short & she changes the subject. I think it is hard for her to deal with as she is afraid it could have been or may still some day be her in my situation, so therefore it is hard for her to talk about it. At first I was very hurt by this, but after reading all of these posts I am beginning to understand.
Jim was only 62 & I also get this feeling from people that are a lot older or sicker than he was. They wonder why Jim was taken so young & so swiftly while they are still here. I have actually had some people say that to me. Many of them also seem to stay away or when I do see them do not want to talk about my situation. On another post someone said it is like the white elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge is there. If you don’t see it or talk about it maybe it isn’t so.
It is so sad that many of the people that we need to be here for us the most seem not to be able understand. They don’t realize that this is something that has or is happening to us & that we do need to talk about it & to remember. Not bringing it up will not change anything or make it go away.
I think it is true that many do not understand until it happens to them. I know I see a lot of things differently now than I did a few short months ago.
I am hoping for the best for your Dad & you. Take care.
DarlaNovember 30, 2008 at 11:27 am #24484roma35Member
Your story rang a bell for me as well. My father’s old business partner lives two doors down from my parents, and although his partner sold out 15 years ago and retired(he is 82), they still maintain that they are best friends, and stop to see eachother everyday, have a glass of wine, talk about the early days of business and the “old country”, as Andy is from Italy as well. Well, when he found out my dad had cancer, and it was rather rare cancer, he did the same as your fathers friend. He stopped visiting, and when my dad went to his house, he didn’t talk much, couldn’t look at my dad. So my mom had talked to Andy’s wife about the situation, and she said Andy felt so guilty. He had made it to 82, he had been a smoker for years, and yet it was my dad who was sick. So maybe it was some kind of “survivors guilt”?. or maybe some people feel guilty, that they are “relieved” it is not them? Or cancer scares them b/c they have heard such tragic cases. I love the phrase “cancer is only a word, not a sentence”. people need to understand that. In my dads friends case, my mother stressed to his wife how important my dads friendship is to her husband, and how he needed to feel normal and talk about normal things…..so his friend came around again, and they are now back to normal, but it took some time. Infact I bumped in to him yesterday on the street, and he knows we go in Monday for my dad result from all the lung tests, and he said, “I am praying for your father that it is nothing but scar tissue, he as to be o.k.” he was all teary eyed. Made me teary eyed. Gavin, if you see your friend again or his dad, by all means, let them know your father Needs his old friend to be the exact same as before, let him know, that is what he can do for him.November 30, 2008 at 2:17 am #24483
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