Dealing With Loss During the Holidays

Thank you, Stacie, for bringing up the subject – I had wanted to, but didn’t know how without sounding whiney and self-pitying.

As soon as I walked into a store and saw the Christmas displays already up (right after Halloween), I walked right out and felt depressed for hours. Now I hear references to the holidays everywhere I go, I hear Xmas carols, hear people talking about their plans with their families, and I”m just paralyzed with grief. I would really love to just stay home and be miserable instead of going to my husband’s family for Thanksgiving, but I know they’ll think I’m selfish and I should put on a good show for my daughter. So I’ll go and I will be miserable but I’ll put on a good face. I’m so tired of putting on a good face.

Last Thanksgiving, my mother was failing fast, but she forced herself to make the turkey and the rest of us did everything else – she was very proud of herself. She even managed to go Xmas shopping the next day and get it all done in one store, though she totally exhausted herself. This is what I think about and I can’t help it. Maybe withdrawing from the world is not healthy, but it’s all I want to do. Nothing will make it better – unless she comes back to me. I guess I’m still in denial, huh?

Joyce