Devastated Gerry passed away on 24th July

Dear Phil,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dear husband Gerry. I lost my wonderful husband John on July 8th to this terrible disease. He, also, was like a skeleton when he died. He had lost over 55 pounds in about a month and a half. John had fought a four year battle and had a chemoembolization done on April 17th that he never recovered from. Everything just seemed to spiral out of control but I was able to keep him at home with the help of my dear sister from North Carolina who came to offer her support. I still feel like I’m numb but I have to stay strong for the kids. Your boys will keep you so busy that you will not have a lot of spare time to think about things. I will pray for you and your family as I well know what you are going through right now. Be strong for Gerry and remember that he is now at peace and will not have to suffer anymore. Lots of hugs, PeggyP

Dearest Phil, My sincere condolences on the passing of your dear husband. I am sorry he suffered in his final days (and you as well). This disease can be cruel. I hope you can take comfort in the fact he is no longer suffering.
You will know when you are ready to go back to work. I too have a wonderful work place and when I did return it was good for me (even though I can’t barely remember the first few months I was back). For me work is my only normal, for it is the place where I did not normally see my husband.
You have your beautiful young sons to look after and they will help with your healing and you with theirs, but don’t forget about yourself and take time for your own healing and exhaustion. It is a tough journey, one we did not want to take but one that is necessary to carry on. Sending love and hugs to you and the boys.
Nancy

Dear Phil, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys during this sad time. Gerry fought a brave fight and now he is at peace. I hope you can find comfort in that soon. Please rest and get your health back. Pam.

Dearest Phil and Sons. I am so sorry I never got the E Mail. lainy65@yahoo.com.
I know that Gerry suffered like Teddy did at the end and all I can say is that eventually, in time, the good Memories DO overtake the bad ones. You will adjust to your ‘new normal’ and you will be strong for the boys, I feel that for you because that is what Gerry would want. You did everything you could possibly do and you not only fought the CC but had to constantly fight the Hospital and Doctors, so of course you would be mentally and physically exhausted. When I would read your notes they made me so thankful that I live in the USA and get medical care here. Phil, you can e mail me anytime, I am here. Please accept my prayers and loving thoughts. Gerry is not alone as I just know Teddy had to greet him!

From a book of blessings called “Benedictus” by John O’Donohue – Irish Poet & Philosopher
When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss.
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.
There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.
Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

Dear Phil,

I am so sorry to hear of Gerry’s passing. It sounds like his last days were very similar to my husband Jim’s, so I do know hard this all was on you and your children. I know there are no words that can help you right now, but please try to take comfort in the fact that Gerry is no longer suffering or in pain and is finally at peace. For those of us left behind it is not so easy. Try to remember him before CC entered your lives keep him near you in your heart and those wonderful memories. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. The support of this group is the best and you will need it now more than ever. Take care and know I am thinking of you and your family in your time of grieving.

Love & Hugs,
Darla