February 1, 2011 at 8:18 pm #46295gavinModerator
Thank you so much for sharing this with us all, it sounds like it was such a beautiful tribute to Kris.
GavinFebruary 1, 2011 at 6:47 pm #46294
Hans, you are amazing and the Memorial Service sounds like it was just beautiful. If I may add one thing to you, please:
From a book of blessings called “Benedictus” by John O’Donohue – Irish Poet & Philosopher
When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss.
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.
There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.
It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.
Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return all the time.February 1, 2011 at 6:27 pm #46293darlaParticipant
Thanks for sharing that beautiful tribute to Kris’s life with all of us.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaFebruary 1, 2011 at 1:04 pm #46292betsyParticipant
What a beautiful tribute to Kris. So many tender, sweet gestures…..her favorite flowers, the purple scarf from you, her butterfly broach. It makes my heart hurt. I still expect to see posts from her when I come to this board and then I remember she is gone. Even though I’m so sad she has died, I can always re-read her posts and for that I am grateful.
Please have a safe trip to the States.
BetsyFebruary 1, 2011 at 12:47 pm #46291mlepp0416Participant
Beautiful!February 1, 2011 at 12:33 pm #46290monkeybuttParticipant
Yesterday we held KrisJanuary 29, 2011 at 9:04 am #46289cinnaminParticipant
Godspeed, Kris. I know you are dancing among the stars. Hans, my heart goes out to you. Thank you so much for sharing. The love never dies, you take it with you.
JanetJanuary 20, 2011 at 1:19 am #46288mlepp0416Participant
Hans, my thoughts and prayers are with you…as I read the posts from Kris and now from you, I only hope that I am as strong as you are when my husbands fight with this cancer takes him from me. We will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in Feb 2011 and I’ve very happy that we did have the time together that we did, just like for you and Kris.
Go with God,
MargaretJanuary 20, 2011 at 12:22 am #46287darlaParticipant
It is comforting hearing from you about your plans for Kris and your thoughts and feelings. I love that picture of Kris, too and think it is a great choice. Just remember when you get back and start dealing with your “new normal”, and yes life will seem empty, we will all be here to help you get by.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanuary 19, 2011 at 8:36 pm #46286nancypkeenParticipant
I have sat and cried a bucket of tears reading all your posts. As others mentioned, your writing style is so much like Kris’ and it was sad, although heartwarming to read. What an amazing love story the two of you had and I wish the very best for you. So hoping that you will find brighter days ahead. Don’t forget to remember Kris when you see the tulips she planted. She posted once she was planting them so you could think of her each time they bloomed.
Hugs from across the ocean….
NancyJanuary 19, 2011 at 5:50 pm #46285nur1954Participant
Hans – I find it so interesting that you reverted back to Swedish. Perhaps — because it is your native language — you find it comforting and it reminds you of your childhood when life was a bit simpler???? I’m not sure, but it does make me curious. I responded to you on FB about this post, but I just re-read it and your comment about the chapel was so “Kris-like.” Adjustment to “new normal” is a daily chore for me….I didn’t want nor do I like the “new normal.” I just find myself trying to find ways to cope with it, and then I cope with it! I don’t know what else to say…………NancyJanuary 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm #46284
Hans, honestly it is too soon to think about anything else, for me too. There is so much to be done after someone passes. How come when we enter the world all we need is a birth certificate? Oh, I know. All the paper work and etc is to keep our minds off our loved ones while filling out information about them constantly. One other note to you: not sure if you are a believer but Teddy has come to me so often. He seems to thrive on the light bulbs and just recently as I was getting dressed to go to my mom, who at 94 is passing slowly, I turned off the closet light and slowly closed the door and all of a sudden for no reason at all our song, “When I Fall In Love”, popped into my head so clearly. I know Teddy was showing me that he is with me now as before when I go through a major deal in life. He has also twice laid on the bed at 4AM on Tuedsay mornings. Once I felt his side of the bed sink and the other he was breathing with his mouth open as he did the last few months. I even held my breath to listen. Yep it was right in my ear. If you believe, you will soon be hearing from Kris. Teddy’s daughter, who is 53, asked me last week if I thought he knew how much he was loved by so many peoplpe and I said yes, he knew because I told him all the time! Kris also knew and the way they loved us they would also want us to be very brave and strong.January 19, 2011 at 5:33 pm #46283monkeybuttParticipant
Yes, “new normal” is what Kris would have called it also
I still talk to her of course, but I find more and more I talk to myself about her, rather than addressing her directly. And I speak Swedish (which I’m sure would annoy her greatly) which is so odd after having had English as the household language for four and a half years. I used to speak English to the cats even if Kris wasn’t home, but now I’ve switched. Very odd.
I’m still quite busy, and the things I do is still helping Kris in a way, but I’m a little afraid of what it will be like when “new normal” really begins. When I’m back at work after taking her back to the US I suppose… It will be empty then…January 19, 2011 at 3:57 pm #46282
Hans, I can so relate to you and to Kris. My husband and I were only married 16 years but I would rather have had those 16 years with a love so few ever know, than to have had none of it. You and Kris had that same love. Where people could just see it emanating and wanted to watch you and be a part of it. Teddy has only been gone 6 weeks but I have noticed I am not crying as much but am waiting now for the “missing” him to subside a little. Guess that will take time, as it will take time for you. I tell people I am adjusting to my “new normal”. I think about you and what you are going through and send you my thoughts of knowing and caring.January 19, 2011 at 1:50 pm #46281roma35Member
Hans, although your posts are ofcourse sad, because it has always been obvious how much love you and Kris shared and your pain is felt, your posts are also so comforting because you do sound like Kris, in your observations, depth, emotions and humor. It seems while the few short years you were together were not nearly enough, the connection you shared take some people a lifetime to find.
Kris helped me so much when my dad was sick and at the end. It takes a very special person, to have this monster illness, and still be able to provide others with comfort, joy and laughter.
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