feel like im going crazy
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Dear Orlysud,
My husband died 7 weeks from the first sign of any problem, so I know what you are saying. He has been gone almost 4 1/2 years and I still experience a lot of what you are and yes, it is normal. Don’t let anyone presume to know how you should feel or what you should do. Only you know what is best for you. Keep taking comfort in knowing that your mom is near and watching over you. It will slowly get better. Just take things one day at a time.
Take care.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaWhen a cancer hits at the speed of lightening as it so happened with my mother, it’s very difficult to come to terms with the devastation of an almost sudden death. CC took my mother’s life in 8 weeks from time of diagosis.
I also keep replaying the last few days of my mother’s life over and over in my mind. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed away. I feel my mother’s spirit with me and sometimes talk to me through my mind. I miss hearing her voice every morning.
I’m upset to hear people say that I should go to a grief support group or counseling, as it makes me angry! Everyone grieves their own way and I prefer not to go to conseling, so I wish people would stop suggesting it, even though I’m aware that they’re only trying to help. On the other hand, I also feel like people don’t want to hear about my grief and prefer that one shares it with their therapist or that one should just get over it soon. Well that’s not going to happen.
Is it normal to repeatedly have split second moments that make us realize that our loved one is no longer with us? That’s what hurts the most for me.
I am comforted when I feel my mother with me and when I look at her picture, which her kind eyes are looking straight at me.
Oh, Lynn, I have happy tears for you, what a wonderful Anniversry gift George gave you! I do believe you have turned your first corner and I think you are amazing. And to you George…..keep those visits coming!
Well hello everybody,sorry it took so long,i made it back home wednesday evening,all in all my mini vacation went ok,it was nice to see family and friends
but i got really really home sick.yesterday was me and Georges anniversary,i took flowers and a card to him,in the rain,But the interesting thing happended on the way,i was driving,just about ready to turn into the cemetary,and i felt George,i really did,he brushed my leg,i know he did,there was no one or nothing that could of done that.after i gave him the flowers,i came home,feeling peace,last night,i got up out of georges recliner,where i had been sleeping since he passed,and went to bed.i slept so peaceful for the first time in a month…love and hugs to you all LynnLynn, why would George call you when he is right there with you? I really believe something is going to happen on this trip to prove to you that George is there. Like, how could you see him everywhere if he was not there in some form? I hope you can enjoy your time with your Sister, all time is precious.
well here i am in pa,spent the night across the delaware in trento nj with friends,going to my sisters in the morning,i still cant clear my head,even tho george has never been here,i see him everywhere,i thought this would be good therapy,it dosnt seem to be working,i feel guilty for leaving him,i mean it just dont seem right ,i keep waiting for him to call,like he did in 2006,when i was here last.i miss him so much.
Lynn, good, good, good! Wow, a 22 hour train ride, what fun! I haven’t been on a train in, oh, about 40 years! Have a wonderful time and honestly it’s always nice to have “new ears” to talk to about George. And if the tears flow, let everyone know, it’s OK they are happy tears. Have a wonderful trip.
Thank you everybody,i think im ok,social workers were here yesterday for 2 hours,barney and tressa,i loved it,i cant talk about george without crying,tressa said thats ok,cry,by the time they left,i was smiling,they said to me,even tho we did’nt know george that long,he left a lasting impression on them with his out going personality,george always made them laugh.well,now,a little on whats been going on with me,tonight i will be going to pa to visit some family,everybody says it will do me good,i am taking my computer,i wasnt going to,but,i guess george told me to because i started looking at dvd’s,to play on my laptop for the 22hr trip on the train and i found one with our grandsons in the summer of 2009 playing with their grandpa george,i cried happy tears when i watched it,george was so healthy,laughing,and giving the boys a ride on the lawn mower,it was so good to hear his laugh,see his smile,and hearing him talk…..i miss him so much..more later got to pack,love you all big hugs and many blessings.Lynn
I haven’t been on this site for a while. My mom has been gone almost a year now. We had 6 months from her getting sick (we had no idea she was sick until the jaundice started) until she died. Things happened so quickly that we
never had a chance to really soak in what was happening.
Reading this post was like I had written it myself. I also find myself watching the dvd, in my mind, of the last couple of days. I have the same questions about if we did everything we could for her? Was she scared at the end?
The “firsts” have been hard (first Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas) and with the first anniversary approaching I am visiting those last days more frequently.
I am very relived to hear that I am not the only one that asks the questions and I am looking forward to the day when once again seeing her picture or hearing her name will do nothing but make me smile.Janet, yes, time does help. For me Teddy’s last breath was beautiful because I had a goal of holding him and I did. And then magically his whole head glowed. My daughter and I just stood there in amazement. Every bag under his eyes, every wrinkle on his face was gone.
I’d also like to say that the hugs you dream about are not dreams but are real. Enjoy them. To be honest Teddy doesn’t come around as much as he used to, but I went to a Psychic /Medium (friend of my daughter’s) and she said things that ONLY could have come from his mouth. That was just before Thanksgiving. So, I know he is still all around me, he doesn’t have to prove it anymore. I have been way under the weather but when I get better I am most anxious to see if he sends me a gentleman as he said. I wrap myself in my log of his visits and my amazing Grandchildren. Somehow we go on as the world does not stop, each at their own pace, and all of a sudden we wake up one day and the dark veil has lifted and we begin to live our “new Normal’ as that is what our boys would have wanted..Wow, do I identify with the last week you had with your husband. It has been 7 months since I lost my husband and I have many times that the last day of his life goes through my mind like a dvd also. The picture I can’t get out of my mind is his last breath. At the time I was so relieved for him because he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I try to keep that thought which is rational, but many times the emotional takes hold of me.
I found pictures of him on our computer when he was healthy and so good looking. I even went through pictures of us in college. We were so young. That really helped. I have also had dreams where he ends up hugging me. I wake up and thank him for that. What I miss are the hugs.
I am told it will get easier. I thought these people were crazy, but I have to admit with time I am learning to be alone. I know things will never be normal again, but I must go on for my grandkids. That is the only thing that keeps me going. We widows must walk this walk and find a way to go on. I haven’t figured that out yet, but time does help.
Yea! So glad George paid a visit. Always so wonderful when we KNOW our loved ones on the other side of the veil are with us. The more people share their experiences about “departed” love ones the more open and understanding our world becomes. Thanks for sharing.
In peace,
KarenLynn,
What a great story. Thanks for sharing. I too am a believer and often get signs from Jim. Always good to hear that others have had these experiences too. They truely are all around us if we are sensitive enough to notice and yes it is comforting and helps keep us going. If that’s crazy, so be it. It works for me.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
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