Feeling Alone

Dear Amy,
You’re making me cry, because I’m thinking of my mother and how I stayed in her house hugging her box of ashes (ridiculous, I know, but it was all I had of her) and had 2 birthdays since she died, and still I”m just a little child inside, crying for my mother.
Nothing can ever replace a mother, especially when you saw her and talked to her every day — yet life somehow goes on. I wonder how it DOES go on, sometimes, but I take it a day at a time, because that’s all I can do. I’ve been on antidepressants many times in my life and I think I should get back on them — and you should, too, or adjust your dosage or try something else if this one isn’t working too well. Nothing can take away the pain, but they might help it a little bit.
My mother also went from healthy to dead in less than 3 months’ time, and it’s such a shock that you just can’t accept it. I still don’t want to say it out loud – still think that maybe she’ll come back to me, though I’m not delusional and don’t REALLY believe it. It’s just a coping mechanism, and I’ll use whatever works. I also like to talk to her good friends and family members who were close to her so I can talk about her. It might make me cry, but it’s better than being around people who avoid the topic or pretend that your mother never existed, which dishonors her memory.
Someone suggested I write my mother a letter and I tried that a few times and found it therapeutic – but there’s just soooo much I want to say that it’s hard to write a letter that isn’t 50000 pages long! But it might help to work out some of your feelings – all of which are perfectly normal and natural. You just lost your best friend, the person who was with you for your ENTIRE life, supporting you with her unconditional love, so you have the right to lie in bed for a week if you want. Take care of yourself, immerse yourself in friendships or in grief – whatever works for you – and know that your mother loved you very very much and she will always be with you and within you, in some mysterious way. Or at least that’s what I’d like to believe.
All my sympathy,
Joyce M

Dear Amy,

I know how you are feeling & what you are going through. I have gone through all of the same things you described since losing my husband to this awful disease. Unfortunately, I guess it is all normal and part of the grieving process that we are being forced to endure. So many of us have experienced the same things as you are now.

My husband was only ill for a short time also and I think it is so much harder to accept that a person can go from healthy to dying in such a short time. It all seems so surreal. We can just be greatful that they did not have to suffer for a long time and that now they are at peace & no longer in pain.

I have to believe that there is something else beyond this life and that our loved ones are still with us in spirit and we will be with them again one day.

Please continue to come here and share your feelings. We all understand as no one who has not lost a loved one to this horrible disease can. We are all here to help & support one another. Come back often, even if it is just to vent your feelings.

Now you need to take care of yourself. You will get through this. We all will, together, one day at a time.

Love & Hugs,
Darla