Flashbacks – SENSITIVE
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Oh Dear Julia,
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it. I have faith in you that you will deal with this as you have everything in the past, with strength and grace. These things come at us in waves and we have to work our way through them. Hopefully in time the dreams and memories will be more of the good times you had with Susan and less of the those last days and weeks. Hopefully spending time with Florence will help to bring back some of those good memories and push aside some of the bad. I think we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for. None of us signed on for this, but here we are and together we will get by, one day at a time.
I totally agree that the longer and stronger the love, the longer and harder the grieving. This is just a testiment to your close relationship and deep love for Susan.
Hopefully coming here and sharing your feelings will also help to relieve some of these things. I still have my good days and bad days and for me it has been 4 1/2 years already. Some days I feel like it all just happened and others it seems so long ago.
Thinking of you and hoping for better days ahead. Hoping your visit with Florence goes well and is a wonderful, healing experience for you both.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaThank you both so much for your wonderful words. They mean such a lot to me.
I’m really taken with your interpretation, Lainy – when I read it my immediate thought was “Yes”. That reaction surprised me and pleased me at the same time.
Yes, I’ll do as you suggest. I’ll do my best to talk to Sue if/when the dream recurs – and Yes, I’ll set a place for her and include her in my plans for Florence’s visit, even though she cannot physically be with us.
I don’t feel so lonely now. I’ll let you know how it all goes.
XX
Hi Julia!
I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Susan must be on your mind a lot right now since it is coming up on the anniversary of when she passed. It must be so difficult to dream of the painful times. I know you were so sad when she passed and you know how Lainy and Marion always say that the more you loved someone the harder the grief. I think you are doing a great job of getting on with your life by all the traveling and fun things you have been doing, but I know that doesn’t replace the sadness in your heart. I’m sorry for the setback, but I know you will be able to get through it and replace the sad and bad memories with happy ones. I know Susan would want you to be happy, but I understand you miss her terribly. I am sending hugs and love to you, dear friend.
-Pam
Hi Julia, so, we have been together for sometime now and I am worried about how you keep dreaming the same thing, not that it is as bad as you may think but the fact you are so upset about it. Here is my take on it….Putting the Anniversary of her passing together with a favorite Holiday with her favorite people….I see it that she is trying to tell you that she would come back if she could. Since it is a recurring dream I really believe she is trying to tell you something. Would you humor me? IF you dream it again and if you wake at the end of the dream, talk to her and tell her you know she wants to be there but its really OK that she is not and you are going to set a place for her. Am I totally off the wall or do you think it might work to stop the dreams? It just sounds like some kind of release is needed here from both sides. Please let me know what you think. I know its all so weird but so many weird but beautiful things have happened to me from Teddy. And its perfectly OK to laugh at me.
I can’t stand the constant flashbacks to some of the most difficult times in Sue’s illness and death – particularly during her last week in the Hospice. They stopped for a while, but as her first anniversary approaches, they are becoming more frequent.
As well as the flashbacks, I dream about her regularly now. In the last weeks of her illness, the Hospice rang me several times saying she was slipping into a coma and probably wouldn’t come out of it and then the next day she’d wake up and get angry with them. My recent dreams seem to be replicating those experiences. in my dreams, I relive her funeral and then a couple of days later she wakes up and comes home. She then slips back into unconsciousness and dies again. Then we have the funeral again and a few days later she wakes up and comes home again … This is the recurring pattern.
The dream doesn’t upset me as much as it used to, mainly I think because she isn’t angry with me and doesn’t seem to notice that I’ve given most of her belongings away. If she does notice, she doesn’t seem to mind.
My goddaughter is coming to visit tomorrow for a week. She was here last Easter, too, 2 weeks before Sue went into the Hospice for the last time. Sue adored having Florence here and I doubt my ability to cope with Florence without Sue, despite knowing full well that last year I was having to look after both of them.
Gosh this HURTS. Thanks for listening.
Julia xx
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