Hard day
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Dear CM,
I haven’t been on in a while but after reading your post I needed to. My husband lost his battle with cc on July 26th. Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel too. I am so sorry for your loss. For me driving in the car is the worst, i begin to cry and that’s it, I just lose it! My two daughters are back in school, my youngest just started OSU in Semtember so, it’s pretty quiet at my house now too. I will be keeping you in my prayers. The only thing that keeps me from completely falling apart is knowing that Jeff and I will be together again. Take care. -JennyCM, please don’t put yourself down as we all grieve differently. I thought I was over the worst as Teddy passed December 6th, but this last week I have had the hardest time yet. Don’t know why, it just happens. I believe that you and your daughter will draw strength from each other, you need to give it a little more time. How cold would we be i
Thanks everyone-
I am sorry for being down- I try so hard to be up sometimes it all falls down-I am tired of being sad- I feel physcially different, heavier. I look at photos of us together and I remember how happy we were. I long to feel that lightness and happiness but is is gone. Grief is consuming and it comes in waves when I am least expecting it- I was on the phone to my sister and her husband was laughing a really hearty laugh with their two kids in the background- should be a lovely sound but when I hung up I cried sore for me, for my husband and for our daughter.
The car is my sanctuary too…. how funny that it’s the same for so many people. I still cry MUCH more often when I am driving alone then any other time. I can think and feel freely, it’s quiet (or there’s a good song on that makes me think of Dad), and there’s nobody to interrupt my grief. I feel much better afterwords, so I let it happen without holding back.
CM – I am thinking of you, and hope you are having a better day today.
Jen
Lainy – I read your post about getting in your car and driving –
For a year after my mother passed away, every time I got into the car to drive to work or when I drove home from work, the tears would just flow! – as soon as I arrived at work or home, I wiped my face and went on with my day (or night) – my car was a private sanctuary where I could let go and then re-group –
So I hope you can find a time/place where you can get some relief – even a warm soak in the tub helps!
MN and CM I am a little Cheerleader!
Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
When God solves my problems I have faith in his abilities, when he doesn’t solve my problems he has faith in my abilities!
Just know that others are thinking of you and hoping you get over this hump. I wish I had words to help. That is all we hear from people, “I wish I knew what to say.”
I just look at my mom when she is having a rough time and just say, “This Sucks!!!!” That is all I have.
Feel better.
CM, in what way are you having a bad day? You can e mail me if you like as sometimes it just helps to pound it out. Or, if you want to talk….email me your phone number. The really bad days just sneak in there now and then. That’s when I would get in to the car and drive a few blocks and first I would let out a scream, then I would listen to Mama Mia and sing loud until my throat got raspy. Only took a few minutes but it sure felt good after. Wish I could take away everyone’s “bad” days. Sending big hugs!
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