August 20, 2010 at 7:38 pm #27615lalupesParticipant
What a beautiful story, Middlesister. Thank you for telling us. I am so scared at the thought I may lose my sister. Sometimes the fear paralyses me & I “know” I will never recover from the loss when it comes. Reading posts like yours reminds me that nothing remains stuck forever – not even pain.
JuliaAugust 16, 2010 at 11:06 pm #27614marionsModerator
middlesister….I much hope for Charlene to be reading your lovely post. It is amazing the comfort we receive from stories like yours. I also would like to mention that the green bar above the name (left), provides the date of the last posting in this case, Friday, July 24, 2009. Not that it should matter other than Charlene may possibly not be responding to your lovely letter. Hopefully, she will though. Either way please, continue to share with us.
So nice to have you back.
MarionAugust 16, 2010 at 9:43 pm #27613middlesisterParticipant
I am so sorry you are going through this grief. Grief is a process and I feel when you feel it’s time to move on, you will. There are very kind people here and I am so sorry I stayed away. I lost my sister to this disease in 2008. I had to move.
I wanted to print pictures of our last year together. I tried for 2 days. The printer would not print the pics.Everytime i turned on the computer, the picture would appear. Two days later, I rose to the sound of the printer. There they were!
I laughed and said Anita, you are messin with me!!
I am saying this to say something to you. After the tears dry and the conflicts, ease. Our loved one becomes a warm and soothing memory. They never leave us, Charlene. They are with us in spirit.
I wish you comfprt and many blessings at this time and always.July 24, 2009 at 2:22 pm #27612marilyn-dietzParticipant
Charlene, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time–I lost my husband and best friend Feb. 2008. Every day is hard, but I found a support group of younger widows through the funeral home. We still meet once a month for dinner to share our thoughts-this has been very helpful to me. Be as strong as you can-John would be proud of you. (I had a similar dream one night–wish I could experience another one like that). Fondly, MarilynJune 24, 2009 at 12:14 am #27611glightfootMember
You’ll be in our thoughts and our hearts. Good luck with SF.
GJune 24, 2009 at 12:03 am #27610fairydropMember
Thank you I will. I’m not so sure about my cat though….lol I know he didn’t like driving to the vet. I feel so positive now. I will never forget the dream from my John. It was so happy and joyful. John just looked so beautiful. I miss him so very much.
You all are my extended family and I appreciate each and everyone of you.
I will write as soon as I get settled in S.F.
Hugs and kisses to all,
CharleneJune 22, 2009 at 1:14 am #27609jcleggMember
I am so glad you had that message from John – I, too, am sure he is telling you that he agrees with your plans. It all sounds like such a good plan, and such a help – both for your Mother-in-law and for you. I hope your cat likes to travel! let us know when you reach your new destination safely – we will all be thinking of you.
Love – JoyceJune 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm #27608darlaParticipant
How lucky you are to have had that beautiful dream. I too am sure that John is letting you know that he approves of the decisions you are making. Have a safe trip and good luck to you in your new life. Please keep in touch with us when you have settled in & let us know how things are going. I will be thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm #27607lainyParticipant
Oh Charlene that wa a beautiful dream! Sounds like John totally agrees with the decisions you are making and he is showing you how proud he is of you!
Have a safe trip and best to you on your new beginnings.June 21, 2009 at 6:34 pm #27606fairydropMember
Thank you each and every one for your support. I want you to know that John came to me in a dream last night and he was absolutely beautiful and full of life. I believe he’s very happy I’m going back to San Francisco. He told me he loves me and is waiting for me. We were walking on the Golden Gate bridge and just looking at the bay. I got to hug him again and it felt sooooo good to be in his arms again.
It was so so wonderful to see him again. Every dream I have had about him so far has been sad and very stressful.
I’m leaving Thurs or Fri this week. My cat and I are going to drive home and see the country.
I will post again soon.
I love you all so much. You’ve kept me from going over the edge many times.
God Bless and keep you all,
CharleneJune 15, 2009 at 4:39 pm #27605amyleaParticipant
I am so glad to see that there is a lift in your spirits. How lucky your mother-in-law is to have you. Sounds like you need her also. Life sure can be complicated, can’t it?
I am also so thankful for everyone here.
Big hugs to you,
AmyJune 15, 2009 at 1:18 pm #27604lainyParticipant
Charlene, God DOES work in mysterious ways, does he not? Sounds like a win, win situation. Good luck on all of it!June 15, 2009 at 8:24 am #27603cyndiParticipant
Sorry to hear of your mother-in-law’s stroke. I’m glad that she was able to reach out to you for help & that you can be there for her.
It sounds like this might be a good solution for you both, not just financially but emotionally as well as dealing with loss is always easier with someone else who understands. I hope things work out well for you both.
You may still want to check into the possibility of death benefits.
If your husband was on disability from work or if he had any pension plans with any previous employers you may be eligible for payments & I know social security pays benefits.
Check out the following link:
Or you can just go to google & type in “what to do when a spouse dies” & some websites containing lists of sources to check will come up. There’s a book called The Executor’s Guide which I have also found to be very helpful (I am handling my husband’s small estate & he died without a will so if I can help, I would be happy to..
Prayers & best wishes to you & the family.
Love, CyndiJune 13, 2009 at 7:16 pm #27602cherbourgParticipant
You are truly an amazing woman. You’ve accomplished so much that you need to give yourself credit for. You were wonderful with the love of your life, John and throughout his illness. You were a source of love and strength for him while he fought this monster of a disease. You had to be a strong caregiver and manage everything knowing deep inside you were going to lose John. That is an amazing accomplishment. You showed him so much love and support. All of that was truly an act of unsurpassed love.
Now while dealing with debilitating grief at the loss of your soulmate, you are still making hard decisions and STILL taking care of those you love.
I know how hard it is for me dealing with the loss of my Mom on April 3, 2009. I can’t fathom what it would be like to lose my beloved husband. Grief is so much harder than I ever imagined. I don’t know if we will ever be as happy as we were before our loved ones’ death but I know we will be stronger and more compassionate and emphathic.
Try and take some time JUST FOR YOU. John would only want the best for you. I believe he will always be with you and that you will be reunited someday. Be kind to yourself. Grief has no timetable and certainly no expiration date!
You sound as if you are making sensible decisions and that you now have a plan. Take advantage of all the help you are offered. For instance, Daddy was able to take care of all of the social security issues over the telephone. That saved him from having to sit for hours in the waiting room at the SS office. Most people I think have good motives about trying to help but death is a difficult subject for most to handle. I know our funeral home had some wonderful literature that was helpful in providing lists of things that needed to be done.
We are all here for you anytime day or night and we all truly understand how you are feeling. You are not alone!
Come back often and let us know how you are doing.
Much love and many, many hugs!
PamJune 13, 2009 at 6:40 pm #27601devoncatParticipant
I am glad the finances are looking better, though I am sad for your MIL stroke. I agree with the others that being with her will help you feel closer to your husband and you can help each other through your grief.
You are amazing, you know. You have dealt with so much and yet you continue to function and worry about others. You are stronger than you think though I am sure it doesnt feel like it at times.
Warm hugs and thoughts
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