Having a hard time
Discussion Board › Forums › General Discussion › Having a hard time
- This topic has 9 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 10 months ago by jscott.
-
AuthorPosts
-
January 24, 2014 at 3:59 am #78948jscottMember
Michele,
I can’t really give you advice on what to do. All I can say is I hear my own feelings echoing so many things that you have said. My wife is unresectable, we have two boys and I can’t imagine life without her. Even though I can’t provide advice, I can say you are not alone.
I am hoping for the best,
Jason
January 23, 2014 at 9:15 pm #78947marionsModeratorI would like to add to Kris’s comments in re: to rectal suppositories that it was our favorite choice to use. Our Kris (Sweden) used to call it her “little bullet”. I found this especially useful when nausea, burping, and vomiting became an issue for my husband. I figured that the less we add to his intestinal tract – the better the odds for him to respond to medication.
It worked equally as well for pain control.
Hugs,
MarionJanuary 23, 2014 at 8:54 pm #78946kvollandSpectatorMichele –
So sorry that things are going the way they are for you. I have people ask me how I can be so strong going through what I have and I tell them because I don’t have a choice. I had to put one foot in front of the other and do what needed to be strong. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but sometimes I think He overestimates how much we can take. The thing is though…..you DON’T always have to stay strong. You CAN break down and cry and rail at how unfair all of this it. I would bet that we all have at one point. I was having some pretty good (bad really) panic attacks when I went to my doc. He gave me an anti-depressant to take the edge off which has helped. I also have a counselor that I go to weekly. It helps to vent to someone. I also try to get a massage once a month.As for your husband and his pain….there are other options out there. The first thing to do is make sure that you are keeping track of exactly how much pain med you are giving him. Hospice can use this as a guide to start a longer acting med. Morphine can be given a long-acting form called MS Contin and normally it is an oral medication but….it can be given rectally (not the favorite route but it works). The other thing with these is that if taken orally they do not breakdown in the stomach but slowly through the whole digestive tract so lead to less nausea. Also if you husband has a port ask to have it accessed and to be given IV pain medications. If he does not have a port then ask to have a PICC line placed for IV pain meds. They can not only give IV pain meds but IV anti-nausea meds.
Hope things work out for you.
KrisV
January 23, 2014 at 6:18 pm #78945willowSpectatorYes. Beautifully expressed. Thank you as this touches so many.
January 23, 2014 at 4:40 pm #78944darlaSpectatorMilena,
What a wonderful post. I am sure most of us can relate and feel much the same, but you have been able to express it so beautifully. Thank for that.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanuary 23, 2014 at 4:25 pm #78943milenzzSpectatorDear Michele,
I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and the thought of having to lose someone so special to you and your children is one that is hard to overcome. I am 23 years old and sadly I have lost both my parents; my father passed away in a car crash 10 years ago and my mother at 46 passed away in December after a year long battle with ICC. Please know that it is difficult to imagine your life without the one’s that mean most to us, it is almost unconveivable to think of and I would personally recommend that you not dwell on those thoughts but rather enjoy what’s left of your time with your husband. I too used to question and dwell on the idea of losing my mother especially the last few weeks before her passing and wished that I had focused more on “her” and her smell, touch, voice, etc. I know how hard it is to watch someone begin to lose their battle but always remember that you have your children to help get you through those “bad” days and that you must be strong for them, for yourself, and of course your husband. I think there is nothing worst as a child then having to lose one parent and then watch your remaining parent suffer and focus so much on the loss of that special person; my mom always tried to keep it together after we lost our father and always ensured that we lived as normal of a life as possible without our amazing father. Having said, maybe it would be a good idea for the kids or yourself to record a video of your husband saying he loves you all. If that’s too hard, then at least try your hardest to explain to your kids and comfort yourself in the idea that when that time does come he will no longer be suffering. As hard as that thought may be, it will bring you comfort knowing that he is no longer in pain and that he is still with all of you in your hearts guiding you through the remainder of life. To be honest, it is very difficult to get through to someone going through such a horrble period in their life .. I understand. But just know that none of know what tommorow may bring so it’s always best to remember that life is a gift, and that every person will one day come to the end of their journey on earth only to begin a new one in heaven. You and your family are in my prayers, and as hard as it is .. try to enjoy what’s left with your husband and comfort him with the thought that when the time come’s you and your children will be okay.
My heart goes out to you,
MilenaJanuary 23, 2014 at 3:58 pm #78942darlaSpectatorDear Michele,
I agree with everything that has already been said and just want you to know that as hard as it is to believe right now, you will be OK. You will get through this. Just take things one day at a time or even one minute at a time when necessary. None of us wanted to be in this situation, but we had no choice. Being able to talk to and relate to people who truly understand is what will get you through this and the wonderful people on the site are the ones that can help you with that, so please keep posting and letting us know how things are going and how you are doing.
My favorite saying is that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. You are stronger than you think you are and you will make it. With a little help from your CC friends.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanuary 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm #78941lainySpectatorMichele, my heart breaks for you and your family as it just is not supposed to be this way. I cannot add much more than what Marion said but I urge you to call or visit your Doctor as you may find it very beneficial to get something to take the edge off. Also if you are involved in a Church perhaps the clergy could help with the children. Some times they have groups who can also help in the way of bringing a few meals over. Anyway that anyone can help with anything it will lift that off of you. And, yes, please keep writing to us as we do understand.
January 23, 2014 at 8:25 am #78940marionsModeratorMichele…my heart goes out to you in this so very difficult time. Mourning before someone we love will leave us is a process called anticipatory grief. It refers to the process of mourning the past, present and future loss. And, you dear Michele, are right in the midst of it. It helped me to talk to those listening to me. Our special group is able to relate and has shown remarkable strength in helping those touched by a process they themselves have gone through. Outside counseling is another or additional route to take. The focus is on letting it all out and to have someone listen to you. Have you thought of asking the physician for something to take the edge off?
Like you I struggled with being strong for my children, strong for my husband and struggling with accepting the fact that I will survive the future. It came in waves – strong vs. utter despair. Michelle, you are superwoman with all that you confronted with. No one can handle this alone. You appear to be close to exhaustion not only emotionally, but physically as well. Please reach out. Please ask for help and let others pitch in. Some of the smallest task can become mountains when confronted with a situation such as yours. Your kids did not connect with the hospice personnel, but there are other options. Is it possible for you to find a grief counselor focusing on young adults in difficult situations such as this? The school counselor may also provide support for the kids. Or, ask the school counselor for recommendations to such a person. Please continue to reach out to this board as well. I wish I had a magic answer, but I know that you will make it, dear Michele, but you need to get help. Please continue to post with us. We are in this together and we are here to help support you in any way possible.
Hugs and love,
MarionJanuary 23, 2014 at 7:02 am #9441shel15MemberI set here and watch my husband go on a steady decline. He is now 144 pounds. He still is up and about but I am constantly waiting for the worse. I still find it hard to believe that he is sick but then i look at him lying there sleeping and it looks nothing like him. The past few days have been very rough for me. I realize the end is coming and wonder how am I suppose to deal with it. I can’t imagine my life without him. I have tried and i just can’t!
I try to do as much as I can myself because I think i have to learn any way. Friends and family get after me for not asking for help but I figure I can’t depend on someone for help all the time.
I have no idea how i am going to handle this. There are days I think there is no way I am strong enough. I feel like I am going to crumble. Then I realize I have 2 kids I have to be strong for and think how am I going to be able to get them through all of this when I dont think I can handle it myself.
I’m having a hard time sleeping and then during the day I feel like a walking zombie most times. My anxitity has been at an all time high. I even went to the doctor for all the pains in my side and stomach. All come back clear. Doctor is figuring since I have been stressed, not sleeping and with hauling fire that I pulled a muscle or tore one.
My husband is having a hard time with finding a pain med that will help control the pain. Morphine seems to help the most. They tried fentynol patch but that’s not doing much of anything so back to morphine. Just with that I am up every 2-3 hours to give meds which is hard for me to get much sleep. He won’t take pain meds in form of a pill because he’s bound and determined that it will make him vomit. I have tried explaining that taking the ABHD cream should prevent that from happening again but he won’t listen. His doctor has been trying to call the house to talk with him but he won’t answer the phone to talk with him and it seems like when the doctor calls I’m not home. Otherwise I would answer and hand him the phone. His hospice nurse has tried explaining things to him but when she leaves he tells me that she’s just picking on him. I try to explain that they are just trying to help him and keep him as comfortable as possible but he don’t see it that way.
Being concerned about my kids I had hospice bring in a councler for children but she came in and treated them like they were 5 and 6 so thats not going like I hoped. The kids were upset so know looking to see what else is available.
I just wonder how anyone ever gets over loosing a loved one? I feel like my life is spinning out of control.
Well thanks for listening to me once again. I just have so much on my mind and its hard to talk with anyone because they just don’t seem to understand. Plus I hate burdening everyone with my emotions.
Michele -
AuthorPosts
- The forum ‘General Discussion’ is closed to new topics and replies.