Hello from a frustrated wife
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Dearest Diana, just read your post and felt the impulse to respond as I can empathise with your feelings so much…I went through this with my mum in the last two years. I also used to hate these cliches and could not even understand how people “battle” cancer – I used to think that you’re either healthy or not. One of the most difficult things to swallow those first few months was how that incredible pain that I felt was at the same time part of this banal discourse. But that for me was just a phase, after a bit you start focusing on other things and frustration increasingly becomes less frequent. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you feel much “better” but probably calmer – you will be astonished at how many things you can take up without “going nuts”. You summon powers you never knew you had – another banality shared by another carer but so true…I also can feel your worries about your husband getting sliced up and poisoned – I used to say exactly the same things. I think these feelings also subside after a while, as doctors and hospitals and drugs become part of your life.
I hope everything works out for you and your husband. Age is certainly on his side and since resection is a possibility, things sound optimistic for you. And keep coming back to this site, it has been of tremendous help for me…
All my positive thoughts to the both of you,
Maria
Diana, bless your heart. Welcome to this site. I know what you are going through. Went through myself 6 months ago. My wife remains quite silent about it all most of the time but even she is coming out of her shell somewhat. Just know that there are legions of folks here to chat with and offer whatever comfort and information is needed. Please keep us informed what is going on with your husband.
Lots of prayers and best wishes coming your way.
Yup, my husband’s got this thing.
He’s 43 and was diagnosed a few weeks ago. He’s on his fourth stent so far trying to get his bilirubin levels down enough to attempt a resection.
You know what’s crazy? That I’m even using words like “cholangiocarcinoma” (rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) or “bilirubin” or “resection” – words I’d never heard until just recently and now find myself throwing around dozens of times a day, trying to explain to friends and family just WTF is going on.
I’ve always hated cliches like “battle against cancer” and calls for “awareness” – like anyone could possibly be aware that a rarely-seen, undetectable 2cm tumor deep within their body is what’s causing their feet to itch? What could he have done differently? But I understand now that people use those words to try to regain some sense of control over a situation that takes the world you know and blasts it to bits.
I look at our pictures from New Year’s Eve and long for that normalcy again. That healthy, smiling guy is going to be sliced up and out of commission for weeks, then probably zapped and poisoned for months after that. Unbelievable. Then we have to come to grips with the realization that even all that might not do it, and we might lose him.
This is nuts. I’m going nuts. I know he is too, and he’s trying to stay strong, but it’s just so crazy trying to wrap our heads around this.
So here we go…
Thanks for listening. I know you’ve all been through this.
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