Helping Friend

Discussion Board Forums Introductions! Helping Friend

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  • #51444
    Randi
    Spectator

    Lainy, That is great advice. A home cooked meal and a house cleaner are never wrong. perhaps if they don’t have cable tv, a subscription to it would be good or maybe a Netflix subscription (I found that very handy when I was in bed a bit of the time).
    My kids just wanted me to be normal mom, so getting out of the house and doing something fun, even if it’s just sitting by the water or in a lawn chair in your own backyard, while family life goes on could be helpful.
    My thoughts are with your friend and her family.
    It’s not easy for anyone dealing with this disease.

    -randi-

    #51443
    slittle1127
    Member

    Dear Aeolson – I would love to add some kind, words of wisdom, but I think Lainy covered it perfectly so I just say – follow Lainy’s excellent advice. As a matter of fact, I would like someone to do some of those things for me…and I don’t have CC. My husband did and I am missing him so much after 5 months. Blessings to you, your friend and her family. Susan

    #51442
    lainy
    Spectator

    Dear aeolson, welcome to our wonderful family and I am so very sorry about your friend. From the care takers end, I am a planner, take control person, I can handle it, thanks but no thanks. I realized that when my husband’s prognosis came down to months I needed to let others in. They wanted to be with him too. It was almost funny as we got calls from dozens of friends all wanting to take us to eat dinner. I bet for 6 weeks we were going out to eat 2 -3 times a week. We even chuckled about it but we realized they needed to do something. As time went on the best thing was for Teddy to have visitors althought I timed them and no more than 2 couples a day as he would wear out quickly. My suggestions would be for friends to get together and perhaps get a house cleaner to come in once a week. Go to the market for your friend and perhaps bring in a couple of meals a week. Don’t under estimate the kids. They are pretty smart when it comes to these things. Maybe taking them to a movie now and then. Perhaps a lunch and at that time let them know you are there if they need to talk. Above all follow your friend’s lead. This is a very exhausting disease and she should not be pushed for anything as only she knows how she feels and she must reserve her energy to fight the CC. What a blessing for your friend to have friends like you and all the help available to her. Good luck on this and please keep us psoted.

    #51441
    marions
    Moderator

    aeson….welcome to our site. I am so sorry to hear that your friend has been diagnosed with this cancer, but I applaud you for your kindness and consideration in wanting to help without intruding in her life. You can count on others chiming in real soon as all of us have been touched by this cancer in various ways. And, the kind and caring members on this site have much wisdom to share with you.
    Until then I would like to enclose to links which may help you along.
    http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/news/Features/when-someone-you-know-has-cancer

    and
    http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/when-someone-you-love-is-treated/page6#d6

    You are a wonderful friend and I am sure that your efforts will be very much appreciated.
    All my best wishes,
    Marion

    #5390
    aeolson814
    Spectator

    Greetings all-
    My dear friend has cholangiocarcinoma–I don’t know the stage, only that the tumor is also “on the liver” and is not operable right now. She had chemoembolization and is now undergoing traditional chemotherapy.

    She is only 42 with teenage kids, a wonderful, supportive husband, sister/bro-in-law, parents, fantastic church ladies, and a host of friends all in town. That’s the good news.

    We all want to help and are struggling with the how and what. They don’t want to or won’t ask and we are not mind readers.

    Can anyone give me some ideas of things we can do to help them out or anticipate needs?

    Suggestions for helping teen-agers understand and cope?

    We struggle with the balance…we want to help but not hover. We want her/them to have privacy, independence, and control but not to be afraid to ask for help or even just someone to be there.

    It’s such an odyssey.

    Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you!

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