horrible holidays :(
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Dear Joanie – My heart goes out to you as you adapt to the change in your life without your mom’s physical presence. While that is so hard to accept, the love she had for you and the investment she made in your life will carry you through. Our memories are so precious and the grieving process provides opportunities to take out those memories and savor them. May you enjoy your mom’s memories in the coming year. There will be pain of the loss, but the comfort of the memories. Blessings, Susan
Dear Joanie,
I know nothing can ease your pain and sorrow right now, but just know that you are not alone. My story is much like Katie’s. My husband passed away 7 weeks after his first admittance to emergency. He was 62 and never had any health problems before this. As Katie said, you don’t even have time to absorb the fact that this has happened and they are gone. It is all so hard to accept. I take comfort and I hope you can too in the fact that at least they did not suffer for a long time and are now in a better place with no more pain and suffering. Your Mom will always be with you in your heart and memories.
Take care Joanie and come back whenever you need to. Even if it is just to vent your feelings. It does help. There are a lot of good people here willing to listen and help and support you. I found this site a few days after Jim passed away and it has really helped me to stay strong and keep on going.
Thinking of you and your family and hoping for better days ahead.
Love,
DarlaDear Joanie,
Welcome to the site, although I wish that you didn’t have to be here. And I am sorry to hear of your mum and her rapid decline and passing. CC can be very different in many ways for each individual patient. In my dads case, he seemed perfectly healthy and was a fit 64 year old with no symptoms at all. Then his jaundice appeared and 3 weeks later after having all the tests possible, we were told that he had inoperable CC. So he went from looking and feeling perfectly healthy to being given the diagnosis that he was given. To say that that came as a shock to us all would be a huge understatement.
I know that this is such a tough time for you and your family right now, and I hope that you will keep coming back here as you will get a load of support from us all, and many here know exactly what you are going through right now and how you feel.
My best wishes to you and your family,
Gavin
Joanie, I am so sorry to hear the story of your Mother but know that she is in a far better place with comfort and peace. I also believe that Mother’s never really leave their children and she is all around you and sometimes you will know that really to be true. My sympathy to your family.
Joanie:
Welcome to our wonderful site and know that you are not alone. So sorry to hear of your mom’s passing. However, having said that, her passing may have been a blessing in disguise. Over the past three years I have watched this disease take my once vibrant, healthy husband down to a shadow of the man he once was. Yes, he is still here with me, but what a price he has paid! He weighs in at a whopping 105 lbs and is 6 ft. tall, so you can imagine how very thin he is.
Then there are the never ending surgeries, tests, scans, chemo, radiation, tubes, needles, ports and so on. Am I glad that he choose to fight the cancer? YES! Was it worth the fight? In some ways,yes, but in other ways, no. I see first hand how it has affected him and it breaks my heart.
Your mom is at peace now. Don’t play the “what if” game or the “could of / should of” game because it will drive you & your family crazy. Seek a grief support group or counseling if necessary. Keep your most happy memories of your mom foremost in your mind, not the last month of her life. Do a scrap book with pictures of your mom and her family, this in itself can be theraputic and healing.
Based upon some of the stories that I have read on this site, I plan on keeping Tom at home w/home hospice when his time is near. I do not want him to suffer any more and he will have a morphine pump!
Go with God Joanie and remember your mom’s wonderful memories!
Hugs from Wisconsin!
Margaret
Dear Joanie,
Welcome to the board… I am so very sorry to read about the very rapid decline of your dear Mum.
I think the only thing we know about cc is that it has a mind of its own and takes hold very quickly. I lost my Dad 7 weeks after diagnosis, previously he had been fit and well and looking the picture of health.
Cholangiocarcinoma can have been present long before any symptoms are displayed.
All I can say it that at this time you are understandably feeling raw, hurting and angry and that is perfectly normal. You hardly had time to get your head around the devastating diagnosis before your Mum passed away.
It is sad that her pain could not be controlled in the hospice. I think the medical profession as a whole find this cancer perplexing and challenging.
I didn’t find this site until after my Dad had died but have found true friendship and support, I hope you find the same.
Thinking of you and your family,
Katie
new to site; mom was diagnosed w/CC on Oct 6 and died Nov 12 2010. We never even knew she was sick until late September she was hospitalized with chronic diarrhea/vomiting. It took the MD’s ten days to find the tumor on her liver before she got MRCP and dx of ST 4 confirmed….MD said 3 months or 6 w/chemo. So glad she didn’t opt for chemo as she went down hill fast without and the pain was so unbearable. Got her into hospice right away but they never could get her pain under control as her liver just would not metabolize the meds. It was so very difficult watching her die in pain. I would suggest to anyone to have your loved one set up w/morphine pump SQ….hospice would only use liquids which she couldn’t tolerate, and we ended up giving her meds rectally…I don’t think the MD’s are very aware of this disease and the metabolizing problem of pain meds. It is just very sad and our holidays have been horrible. However it did help us to grieve and hopefully we will all get through this next year without so much sorrow.
~If we didn’t die; life wouldn’t be important~Joanie from Cincinnati
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