Hospice and the end
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July 27, 2016 at 1:34 pm #92813lainySpectator
Dear Rangani and Jenny, If you both would want my list of the 10 signs the End is near please send me an email and I will email them to you. I found them to be very helpful as they also give suggestions on how to handle each sign. Sometimes to be aware ahead of time helps in getting to the end. You never know how strong you are until “strong” is the only choice you have!
July 27, 2016 at 6:09 am #92814ranganiSpectatorJennifer,
My mum was diagnosed early May and is now at same stage to what you describe. Rarely eating or drinking and sleeps most of the time. The speed at which this progresses is devastating. What I have realised is that while she seems to be asleep, she is not fully. She is just so fatigued, it is easier to keep eyes closed and not respond. But she hears everything. From all the advice I have got and as Marion has said, what we need to do is keep talking to her softly and gently and touch her. Let her know you are there.
Also as Joe says, do not force her to eat and drink. You could ask if she wants water. When she really does, she will say yes at other times there will be no response. What we can do is accept this is what it is, and keep showing love and acceptance. This will make it easier and more comfortable for her and cause her less anxiety and distress. I realised early on that much of my mothers distress was about causing us, her children distress. That she was the cause of sadness in us.
Be strong and show her love and care. And take care of yourself
RanganiJuly 26, 2016 at 6:59 pm #92815marionsModeratorJennydove…..I am heartbroken for you and your family. Hold on to the fact that your Mom is in a peaceful state and free of suffering. She feels your gentle touch, your presence and your love. My heart is with you.
Hugs and love
MarionJuly 26, 2016 at 2:22 pm #92817jpmskiSpectatorJennifer,
I’m sorry. That really sucks, to think you caught it early only to find out it spread anyways.
My mother had this cancer for almost a year and a half before I understand why this one is particularly bad as compared to other cancers. One of my mother’s IR doctors explained to me that this cancer’s consistency is different. He said to not think of it as a lump or a mass, but think of it (and this is my analogy of what he said) as a rusty pipe where the cancer is the rust growing up the pipe. The ‘rust’ gets brittle and flakes off, which is why it spreads so easily.
If your mom is not eating much and she’s on pain medicine, so she’s going to sleep a ton. So much of being around someone very sick is listening to and saying platitudes. “You should eat”, “You should get up and move around”, “You should…” fill in the blank. It almost gets comical at a point.
If your mother regains consciousness, do her and yourself a favor and don’t be that person. You don’t need to spout poetry, just don’t try and put an end to uncomfortable silences or situations because you can’t.
There are good books on dealing with dying that might help. If I could remember the name of the one I read I’d tell you, but it gave some insight and strategies.
Good luck,
Joe
July 26, 2016 at 1:42 pm #92816lainySpectatorDear Jennifer, I am so very sorry to read about your Mom. I do have a list of 10 Signs the End is Near. If you email me I will send them to you. Just click on my name to the left of my post and it will take you to my email. My husband followed the list pretty closely. Sending Prayers and big hugs to you and your family.
July 26, 2016 at 11:54 am #12648jenydoveMemberGood morning everyone. My name is Jennifer, and my mom was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcinoma in February. They caught it early (we thought) when they did a scan for something else. The cancer was causing no symptoms at all, her bloodwork was great, and she was otherwise completely healthy. The cancer has now spread to her pancreas and liver. I took her in to the hospital to have some fluid drained a week ago and now she is in hospice. I’m just in shock at how fast this happened to my very healthy, active mama. She has not woke up since yesterday noon, is having fluid drained every day and has mottling on her hands and feet which we’re told is something to expect near the end. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced their loved one sleeping so much at the end, and if there’s any hope she might wake up one more time. My family is heartbroken. I’m sorry you’re all also on this journey. Any insights on this end stage would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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