How do I live without him?

I went to the user list specifically to look you up and see how your husband was doing. I had not been on here for a while and I was looking over some old posts of mine that you replied to, thinking your husband was doing just about as well as my dad.

I am so sorry to hear that he died.

I guess there really isn’t much more to say than that. I am just so sorry.

-Deb

Dear Danielle,
Every word you write could have been written by me. Although nearly a year, I still miss Anthony desperately and am crying now because I know how you feel. I think in those early days I got through by remembering our love and thinking how lucky we were to have had that. I would go out walking and talk to him. I cried and cried and imagined he knew how I felt and that he was there with me. Gradually I was able to remember the happy times, the funny times but it did take several months to get there.
I still talk to him now and still cry but I also remember our lovely times and am glad we had a special love that not everyone has. Something in that sustains me. I try to live up to Anthony’s ideals and to be a person like him who contributes to life rather than takes things from life. I haven’t got it right by any means but I try. I can’t think far into the future and think the best I can do is to plan for the short and medium term.
After some months of being exactly like you, I think I gradually got better at behaving normally and being able to see a little beyond the limits of my grief. For me my step daughter and grandchildren have helped me to see love beyond the lost love and to gain a perspective. In addition working and trying to help others with this disease have also helped.
Anthony is still with me in my head all the time. I too sometimes feel completey insane with grief but we are not insane. We lost our loved ones so suddenly and to a terrible disease and it is a life changing experience. I no longer expect life to contain the joy it used to but I look to my husband for a lead. He never complained but was always positive. He always helped others and by trying to emulate him, I gain some kind of peace. We will love our husbands for ever but we can still lead meaninful lives, I hope.
I hope there may be something in what I have said that will strike a chord with you. Please know that I am thinking of you during this hardest of times.
With love
Pauline

Dear Danielle,

I too know exactly how you are feeling as I have and still am going through a lot of that myself. Unfortunately I guess it is just a normal part of this grieving process that we have no choice but to endure. Keeping busy does help some. It doesn’t really change anything, but it helps to occupy your mind for a time. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of these feelings never really go away. We just learn to live with them and try to go on. One day at a time.

It does help to know that what we are going through is “normal” under the circumstances. Being able to communicate with others who are experiencing the same things and knowing we are not alone does help to give us strength to go on.

Know that I am thinking of you and share your feelings of loss & loneliness. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Danielle,
I know exactly how you are feeling and I think it can be rather frightening at times.I think we just exist,just hang in there by threads and I dont know if there is a normal way through it.Some of us are lonely in empty houses,some of are equally lonely in houses full of teenagers.It is a truly dreadful experience to go through.Sometimes counselling can help if you get the right person.
I dont know about the full time work as grief is a very tiring process.What helped me a lot was swimming in the ocean-it had a spiritual quality to it that helped to lift my spirits good luck Janet xx

Danielle, I am sorry to say you sound normal. I believe everything you are experiencing has to run a “course”. Five weeks is not a long time. I also think part of what you feel is the not running to appointments, the decisions that had to be made and all the other stress that went along with the horrible journey. I am sure you will hear from some of our other wonderful ladies who have lived through this with some good advise. Try to take it one day at a time
and when you least expect it, all of a sudden you will turn a corner and things will again appear to normalize. They will never be the same but the sharpness of the pain will dull a little more. Wish I could just wave a magic wand and make it all better.