August 8, 2012 at 8:29 pm #63353cmParticipant
Thank-you for your post and thank-you for your honesty. “Getting used to this hollow feeling at the centre of my world”, describes how I also feel so beautifully.
I wish you the very best.
C xAugust 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm #63352
Pauline…I am pleased to hear that you have continued to take your annual vacation trips to Tuscany. Certainly you do not experience a language barrier.
For those who don’t know, a few years back, Pauline accompanied me to the European Gastrointestinal Conference, Barcelona, Spain. Much to my surprise, Pauline conversed fluently in Italian.
Have a lovely time, Pauline. I am so thrilled to have you back.
MarionAugust 5, 2012 at 7:51 pm #63351
Coming back here has made me feel I want to contribute in some way again. I thought I needed time away from cc but, actually, I now realise I need the warmth of your support, Marion, Darla, Lainy and everyone and, hopefully, I can give something to others who are suffering too. Only we really understand what we have all been through.
How terribly distressing it is to read of so many others still suffering and, if I’m honest, I am stronger but am still suffering too.
I just wish you were closer rather than all that way across the ocean!
Sending you my love from a very beautiful and very hot Tuscany.
Pauline xxJuly 31, 2012 at 10:26 pm #63350lainyParticipant
Pauline it is so good to see your smiling face again!July 31, 2012 at 9:53 pm #63349
Welcome back, dear Pauline.
MarionJuly 31, 2012 at 8:28 pm #63348
Dear Marion, Lainy and Darla thank you for your comforting replies. I felt that it was more than a dream too, Lainy. I often think of our meeting in Barcelona, Marion and, of course, I often think of you, Darla, as you know.
I have been absent for a while as I found it hard to focus on cc for a while but I will be back now and will try to contribute in whatever way I can.
Thank you again.
Pauline xxJuly 31, 2012 at 1:32 am #63347darlaParticipant
What a beautiful post. I hope Anthony finds his way into your dreams again soon, too.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJuly 31, 2012 at 1:20 am #63346lainyParticipant
Dearest Pauline I feel it all right with you. You know I am a believer and I don’t believe that was a dream you had, but an actual visit from Anthony, just like I had from Teddy. If I may, I wrote this on a bad day of missing Teddy:
How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.
In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.
When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.
No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just once more, any one to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone.
When day is over and dinner is eaten by one,
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to cream or scratch my back
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.
But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that everythings all right!July 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm #63345
Pauline….from the bottom of my heart, thank you for posting this wonderful reminder of your dear Anthony’s passing. Know that I think of you often and that I fondly remember our time together at the European Gastrointestinal Conference, Barcelona.
My heart is with you, dear Pauline. Please, stay in touch.
MarionJuly 30, 2012 at 11:15 pm #7171
Four years have gone by since you left me to struggle in this sad and lonely world without you. I don’t think I’m getting much better at this struggle and I imagine that it will always be thus. I just get more used to this hollow feeling at the centre of my world.
In the last few days I have tried to remember some of the many happy times we spent together, instead of focusing on those terrible last days which I now find too unbearable to recall. Those happy times seem to be part of another world, almost like a dream.
This reminds me of a beautiful dream I had a few weeks ago when I was feeling very low. I suddenly saw you from behind and it was really you in every detail – your head, your hair, your back – such detail that I can never recall in real life. I called and called to you and suddenly I realised that you had heard me and I knew you were going to turn round. And you did….. and I saw your beautiful face once again and it was as though you were standing right in front of me. As you turned you looked at me and as you recognised me a wonderful, bright smile lit up your face. No words were spoken but for one brief moment it felt like you had come back to me and for that brief moment I felt a glimmer of happiness and it comforted me in the days and weeks that followed.
I miss you so much, darling, please try to find your way into my dreams again!
With all my love forever,
Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory;
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,
Live within the sense they quicken.
Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,
Are heaped for the beloved’s bed;
And so my thoughts, when thou are gone,
Love itself shall slumber on.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
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