August 6, 2013 at 12:00 am #73721holly22aMember
Pam, I have been off these boards for a couple of months for a variety of reasons so I just came back and found this news, this sad, sad – almost unbearable – news. I am heartbroken. Weeping, actually. Much love to you and your family now and in the coming weeks and months. You are such a special person, I will miss your gentle voice and your obvious loving relationship with Lauren on these boards and your always such kind comments for everybody. Lauren was such a trooper! Please come back when you are ready. xoxoxox HollyJuly 19, 2013 at 6:42 pm #73720marionsModerator
Pam and Lisa…it warms my heart to know of your meeting up today. Wish I could be there too.
MarionJuly 19, 2013 at 3:01 pm #73719kris00jParticipant
Actually I fall asleep praying and continue every time I wake up! I know He understands.July 19, 2013 at 2:15 pm #73718pamelaParticipant
Thank you for the beautiful post. I am so happy that you are feeling stronger and can face things without crumbling. I know Cindy was right there with you, steering you towards that milk crate! I will have a few good days and then Boom, I hit the wall again. Hopefully, in time I will feel the way you do. I am having lunch with Lisa today and then we are visiting Lauren at the cemetery. I’m sure it is going to be very hard for us to be together without Lauren, but she will be there in spirit.
Kris – You are so sweet. It must take you two hours to finally get to sleep with all the prayers you are saying! Love you!
Thank you Clare, Willow, Hugh, and Ilias. You are all so caring and thoughtful.
Lisa – Can’t wait to see you in a few hours!!
Love to all!July 19, 2013 at 1:24 pm #73717iliasMember
My heart is so saddened.
Be strong and may God bring you the peace you and your family so rightfully deserve.
My mother, my hero.July 19, 2013 at 12:58 am #73716lisacraineParticipant
Lauren fought so hard and always was so positive with that beautiful smile of hers. I can’t imagine how you and Mark are feeling, my heart aches for both of you.
Love you so much
LisaJuly 18, 2013 at 6:16 pm #73715lainyParticipant
Hello, Lanny. What a beautiful post and so true about feelings. It appears to me that whole day you spent going to the Auction and what you bought, you DID spend the day with Cindy! I just have to believe it’s true as it really gets me through my life now feeling that Teddy is all around me. You are doing just fine and I have a feeling Cindy is very proud of you. After all if someone really loved us they would want us to be happy. It makes sense to me! Take care and feel free to drop by anytime.July 18, 2013 at 5:52 pm #73714h-tzeMember
Hi Pam, Thanks for sharing your feeling, I know its hard for you and your family at this moment, but time will heal, consider that’s a release for Lauren, and she went to a better place and a place that she don’t have pain.
Love and Hugs
HughJuly 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm #73713kris00jParticipant
Beautifully written, Lanny. I just cried for you, too. You have also been in my prayers: I am so glad to hear the grief is getting easier to bear. It’s nice to read that you can laugh now, too. I love this story… What a great way for her to let you know she is still around!
Please keep in touch and know that we care.
Hugs,July 18, 2013 at 4:25 pm #73712lannyaParticipant
I think about your family everyday, as I know you did mine a few months back. I read the other day, about the pain of grief, “It doesn’t get better, it just gets different”.
Well, as I approach 6 months since Cindy passed, I am seeing, feeling some things differently. Yesterday, while driving to an auction, I heard “Loving Her Was Easier” by Kris Kristofferson, one of the 2 songs played at Cindy’s funeral. I was able to listen to the song and not lose it, just think about her and how deeply I loved her for 40 years. I walk into the auction and the first thing I see is an antique wooden milk crate, one of the things we always looked for at sales. It was painted in black letters Prairie Farms Dairy, Carlinville, ILL…Cindy’s hometown! I just looked at it and said OK, OK, baby I’ll buy it. It made me feel good inside!
I tell you all this because just a short time ago I would have went into full blown panic attack and left. It was JUST YESTERDAY that I realized, things are getting somewhat different. I am able, occasionally to think of her and smile and even laugh. I still cry like a baby every now and then, but not as often.
One day at a time, one step at a time. Grief is so personal, whatever you feel you need to do is what you need to do. No one can tell you whether you “are doing ot right”.
As always, I keep you and your family in my prayers.
LannyJuly 18, 2013 at 3:56 pm #73711willowParticipant
How wonderful to spend time with your family in a beautiful place. I know It doesn’t take away your grief at the loss of your dear Lauren, but it is good for your soul to rest and even enjoy yourselves. Keeping you in my thoughts and heart,
WillowJuly 18, 2013 at 7:01 am #73710claremParticipant
I’ve not ignored your post, I’ve been camping with no Internet access. You are in a place no parent should have to go to and I’m at loss what to say as nothing makes it better or easier. Let us help you here, in whatever way that is Pam.July 18, 2013 at 2:58 am #73709pamelaParticipant
Thank you all for your very kind words. I love you all so much!! I am having a fun few days at my Mom and Dad’s house near Lake Erie. My sister and my nephew are also here. We have been swimming in their lake on their property and tonight Kristen and Bruce came over from Michigan and we all went out to eat for my Mom’s 78th birthday. We had fun and I’m sure Lauren was there with us. I am trying to be happy.
-PamJuly 17, 2013 at 11:30 pm #73708wallsm1Participant
I think of you often and continue to read your blog.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what this is like for you and your family. We all think the world of you. Take care of yourself.
SusieJuly 17, 2013 at 11:00 pm #73707RandiParticipant
I wish there were some magic words to help ease your pain. I think of Lauren, you, and your family every single day and I hope you feel the support and love that shine thru in all of these posts and it helps you.
Although I didn’t know Lauren personally I have two daughters and I know the special bond and love between you too is indescribable.
Take care of yourself Pam and don’t worry about us here on the site, we are here when you need us and ready to welcome you back when you are ready.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.