April 12, 2014 at 6:13 am #81103mcwgoatParticipant
I wish you the best on this journey!!!
Take care of yourself too.
Peace, Love & Hugs,
MaryApril 12, 2014 at 3:48 am #81102darlaParticipant
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Frank.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaApril 12, 2014 at 2:45 am #81101lainyParticipant
Dearest Nancy, sending you prayers of comfort and I pray also that Frank stays comfortable and Peaceful. I think at any age it is traumatic to loose a child more than anything else. Don’t forget to gently touch his arm now and then and to tell him that it is ok to go to his Peace, that you love him and you will be OK. That release helps you both. I also believe we pick our own time when we are ready and perhaps he has been waiting for his mother. Peace to you all my heart is with you.April 12, 2014 at 2:10 am #81100
My husband has not eaten anything in four days. He drinks a little. He mostly sleeps. Yesterday he became agitated and tried to get out of bed. He is now sedated and only wakes up briefly. This is so hard. I am bringing his dogs to see him tomorrow. I hope he wakes up a little while they are there. The hospice staff is wonderful, but I am still so sad. I think the time is very near. I took his 91 year old mother to see him today and she is inconsolable. His sisters are coming in from out of town on Sunday. Pray for us. NancyMarch 31, 2014 at 8:15 pm #81099kvollandParticipant
Sorry that you were not able to keep him at home but now you will be able to be his wife again rather than his caregiver. Being the caregiver takes a lot out of you and you sometimes don’t have enough energy to be a spouse again. Now you can be there, hold his hand and provide the emotional support that is needed. You can also take care of yourself which slips when you are a full time caretaker. Enjoy the time together.
KrisVMarch 31, 2014 at 5:10 am #81098lisacraineParticipant
You will be there to hold his hand, hug him and love him. Praying for comfort and peace.
LisaMarch 31, 2014 at 1:59 am #81097
Thanks everyone for the love and support. Frank is at a beautiful facility and the staff is wonderful. I still think he would rather be at home, but understands that with the level of care he needs that is not possible. He had a good day today and if he has a good day tomorrow they will put him in a wheelchair and I can take him outside. It is supposed to be in the 60s tomorrow here in the Chicagoland area, a vast improvement. We have had a brutal winter.March 29, 2014 at 1:03 pm #81096willowParticipant
I agree with the advice given above. The important thing is that you’re both getting the support you need right now. This is a precious time, even as it is painful. Take care,
WillowMarch 29, 2014 at 8:09 am #81095claremParticipant
You are still giving Frank what he needs and can be there with him to hold his hand, love and support him without exhausting yourself on physical care. I am a nurse and it is physically demanding on an isolated shift to provide care let alone for you as a caregiver to do that 24 hours a day.
XMarch 28, 2014 at 9:51 am #81094marionsModerator
Nancy….I can only agree with what Lainy and Darla have mentioned. You have done everything humanly possible for Frank. The time has come for someone to tend to his physical needs and for you to be with him unrestricted, holding, touching and emotionally supporting each other. You have made a wise choice. My heart is with you in this precious time.
MarionMarch 28, 2014 at 4:22 am #81093lainyParticipant
Dear Nancy, I know keeping Frank at home was what you wanted most but sometimes it is just out of our hands. I had the same thing with Teddy so I changed my goal in that I was determined to be holding him as he passed over and I did, I felt blessed for that and I know he knew it was me holding him. We had discussed going to a facility when Hospice first came and as time progressed he agreed at the end. We are only human and I think we all do the best we can, no regrets and no looking back as it takes real special people to be care takers. I feel Frank knows all too well what you did for him and he is probably very proud of you. Please don’t forget to give him permission to let go and tell him you love him and that you will be OK. It really does give you a good mental release and to him as well. Thinking of you, sending love and strength!March 28, 2014 at 3:07 am #81092darlaParticipant
I am so sorry to hear that Frank has been moved to the hospice facility. I know how much this hurts, but I’m sure Frank knows you did your best for him and that right now this was what needed to be done. I was in a different but similar situation as Jim wanted to die at home and he died the morning I was making the arrangements to bring him back home with hospice care. I felt like I had let him down at first too, but have made my peace with that and know now that I did the best I could and it just wasn’t meant to be. Like Margaret, we didn’t get a chance to say the things we wanted to say and I agree with her that you should do and say what ever you feel you need to while you still can. My heart is also breaking for both of you. Make the most of the time you have with him. Know that we are all here for you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMarch 28, 2014 at 2:49 am #9729
I have not posted in a while, but I am always checking in. On Tuesday my husband Frank was moved from our home to the local hospice facility. It breaks my heart that I can no longer care for him at home. He was diagnosed in November and I have been caring for him here since he was released from the hospital in December. He had two strokes four years ago which left him unable to use his right side. Now the cancer has made him too weak to use his left side. I could no longer assist him in getting out of bed and into his wheelchair. I was hoping he could die at home, but I guess that was not realistic. I think he knows that I tried my best to keep him here as long as possible, but it still hurts. Thanks for being here for me. Nancy
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