Husband of 45 years passed away
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Thank you Juanita I needed to hear what you had to say because the pain seems so unbearable right now and I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. I cling to the comfort of knowing that I will one day be with Gerry again and forever. Cathy
LD – I am so sorry for your loss. It is always so sad to read about another person losing their battle with this horrible disease. I know how difficult this time is for you and your family and hope you can get some comfort from this site and in knowing there are others who understand what you are going through and who care.
A few years ago, most of us hadn’t even heard the word cholangiocarcinoma, and now it is a word that will be a part of our vocabulary forever. I hate the word and, most of all, I hate what it’s done to me, my family, and so many others. I lost my wonderful husband of almost 40 years on March 5, 2007. Like everyone else who has experienced a loss such as this, I have been riding the roller coaster of grief…okay and thinking I can do this one minute, and overcome with sadness and loss the next. It can happen anywhere and in an instant you are consumed with sadness and such deep longing. I always say that I don’t miss my husband, I “long” for him–it is such a deep and hurting ache.
One of the hardest parts for me now has been finding people I can talk to about Dan–and believe me, I love and need to talk about him all the time. Of course, everyone was supportive and caring immediately after Dan died, but since then, it seems they are uncomfortable with the subject and rarely, if ever, mention him. And if I should talk about him, I can immediately sense how uncomfortable they are. I now have only a few people I can talk to about Dan. Everyone else wants to pretend he never existed, or think I should be “getting over it” by now. After all, it’s been almost a whole 10 months!
I found a wonderful poem on a grief website not long ago that, I think, responds to this beautifully and I’d like to share it (sorry–the writer is unknown):
GETTING OVER IT
It’s been two years, you should be over it.
What exactly is “IT?”
I’ll tell you what “IT” is…
IT is his birthday, but there is no him.
IT is realizing you’ll never again see his beautiful eyes or his beautiful smile.
IT is April 15 and you sign “filing as surviving spouse”–surviving, yes…living, no.
IT is people forgetting and you cry.
IT is people remembering and you cry.
IT is remembering and you cry.
IT is your wedding anniversary and for the first time you really understand the words, “till death do us part.”
IT is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your dreams.
So, maybe when someone tells you that you should be over IT by now, you should just tell them what “IT” really is.
L.E.–the best advice I can give you is to let yourself grieve as much and for as long as you need to. Know that there is healing in your tears and sadness, as hard and as painful as it may be, you need to feel and go through the grief in order to fully heal. Don’t rush your grief and don’t let others give you a time table for it. Everyone grieves differently. When you can, take joy in the memories and all you had. And most importantly, remember and be comforted in knowing that you will one day be together again forever. Thank God for this!
With prayers for you and your family,
Juanita
it has been 4 months since my husband gave up ” the good fight” and you are absolutely right when you say there is nothing or no one that can fill the void left by our husband’s passing. My children cannot understand b/c they are missing their father, whereas we are missing our life partner. No hand to reach out and gently squeeze or warm body to snuggle against on a chilly night. Our bed is too big without him in it now. Day by day is how they tell me to live . . . but I wait for him to walk thru the door. You are not alone in your grief . . . God’s grace b e with you
Dear LD – I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading your story reminded me so much of Sam – he was 64, a runner, a health fanatic and just did everything right. Just doesn’t seem fair does it?
Sometimes I read something that makes me feel better. I would like to share this one with you that was in my Grace for the Moment book by Max Lucado. When Sam was here I didn’t think about heaven so much; now it seems that is all I think about.“It doesn’t take a wise person to know that people long for more than earth. When we see pain, we yearn. When we see hunger, we question why. Senseless deaths. Endless tears, needless loss . . .
We have our moments. The newborn on our breast, the bride on our arm, the sunshine on our back. But even those moments are simply slivers of light breaking through heaven’s window. God flirts with us. He tanalizes us. He romances us. Those moments are appetizers for the dish that is to come.
“No one has ever imagined what God has prepared for those who love him”. (1 Cor. 2:9).
What a breathtaking verse! Do you see what it says? Heaven is beyond our imagination . . . At our most creative moment, at our deepest thought, at our highest level, we still cannot fathom eternity.”
Ted is so right – we will see them again. If I didn’t believe that, I simply could not go on. May you find strength and peace.
My Best to you and your family.
Betty JohnsonDear LD,
It is so sad to read of one of our “friends” losing the war with this terrible desease. Patty and I count each day that we have together, as a blessing from the Lord. She too, was diagnosed in Feb. She has been getting weaker and it breaks my heart to see her going down hill. LD, there is one bright spot that we, as Christians have. It is the belief that someday we will be together again with our loved ones and live throughout eternity with them where there will be no cc or any other cancer to rob us of our loved ones. Our prayers are with you and your family during your time of sorrow.
Ted and PattyLD,
I’m so sorry for your loss. My mother was also 64 when she died and it happened so quickly, also. I wish you strength to get through this horrible time.
JoyceOH LD. So sorry. Sending lots of love your way, all the way from UK.
I’m glad you have plenty of people to support you. Much love xOn his 64th birthday, Aug 27, 2007, my husband of 45 years passed away. He was diagnosed with cc in Feb 2007.He put up a good fight, but ultimately lost the war. As our children say, it just seems surreal. He was a great husband, father, grandfather, family was very important to him. It is such a helpless feeling to watch a loved one suffer and die by inches. He had always been extremely heathy, was an avid runner, ate healthy, never smoked or drank, kept his weigh good, all the things they tell you to do to avoid cancer. There was also no history of cancer in his family. I guess it was just the Lord’s time to call him home. I am now trying to learn to deal with life without him. I struggled through church yesterday, realizing for the first time,that he wouldn’t be there sitting beside me, he usually didn’t come in until just as the service started because he was a greeter at the door, so when the service started, it hit me like a ton of bricks that he wouldn’t be slipping in beside me. Though I have six children that are very attentive and watchful, there is a major void right now.
LD
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