I can’t let go
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Dear Rose,
My heart breaks for you. Don’t listen to the prognosis. The doctors don’t know how much time we have left. Only God knows. Let your man fight for his life and support him as much as you are able.hi everyone. I am Rose. My Serbian partner, the man I adore , was diagnosed with CCA last Nov 2008. No resection… no Chemo offered. He is 48 yrs old. He has plans for us. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM. 3 – 6 months prognosis. Started 5 FU treatment in January 09 and having a really tough time with it. However….. he is very very positive and has already decided that he can win. I love him that much that I am willing to believe him despite the odds. My problem is , that I see him growing weaker physically every day. Can anyone out there tell me what to expect and how best to give him the care that he truely deserves. My heart is broken…
Heather,
Say what ever you want here. We are all going through the same thing as you & truely understand how you are feeling. We are all here to gain strength & support from each other. I lost my husband a little over 6 months ago and I come here often. Sometimes it is hard, as you said, but mostly it is comforting. I too think it helps me to be able to try to help some of the others who come here for help & support. It is good to know that we are not alone & that here everyone understands as others who have not dealt with this monster cancer can.
My heart goes out to you & Em. I will keep you both in my thoughts & prayers.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Heather, we want you to hang in with us forever, if that is what you want.
Say, ask and vent to your heart’s content. I told a few of the doctors that I met at the convention that I was addicted to this site and the people on it. No matter what stage we are at these wonderful members help get us through. Its too bad that we are all spread so far apart as I firmly believe it would be most helpful to us all if we could meet. I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful it was this weekend to meet these Oncologists and have them talk to us about our plight. We even had an Oncology Nurse whose 10 year old nephew started a marathon in his city for CC. I think it would be great if we could open ourselves to the world with a marathon of some kind. The one thing all the doctors agreed on was that this is still an orphan disease and it is still being treated that way. There are a lot of ways everyone could help that would be so awesome! I hope Em is doing ok and together you 2 girls will conquer as before. I would not expect less of you at this point as it’s only been a month!
Give Em a kiss, please stay with us, we need you too!!Heather,
I know what you mean – I check this site a lot, too. It is sometimes hard to know what to say, but we do so desparately want to help other people in the same situation as we have been. I think it has helped me to try and help others, but I sometimes wonder if I need to stop visiting it so much, and get on with my life.
Charlene is right – it does continue to get better – the grief is easier to bear, or – we learn how to bear up. It’s not good, by any means, but bearabler most of the time. Coming up Monday is 5 months. and I am already a bit depressed. How can we help it. I, also, went through an 8 week support group, which was very beneficial, and I subscribe to a free service called “A season of Grief” , a faith-based service which sends you an e-mail a day for 100 days – it is very good. The address is http://www.griefshare.org:80/, if you are interested – take a look.My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is so nice to know that we are not alone – we all have each other, and, we have prople to talk to who can understand exactly what we are going through.
God’s Blessings,
Joyce
Heather, I wanted to let you know, I understand where you are coming from. I started to come on this site last August and then joined shortly after that, but I, like you, didn’t comtribute much. I thought I didn’t have much to add, but negativity. I, initally came on to the site looking for “success” stories, and soon realized they were few and far between. When it was becoming clear that my fathers CC was in a terminal stage, I realized I needed this site and the people on it. I am not alone, and that is the only comfort I have now. Hopefully, one day I will gather strength and comfort in my memories of my dad, but now I see suffering, pain and loss of dignity from such a proud man. I hope through my 20 months experience of battling this dreadful cancer with my dad, I have gained something, that will be able to help someone else suffering through this. I know lots of wonderful people on this site have done this for me. You are a very valuable person to this site, because you have allready walked the path that many of us are having to face now. Im sorry for your experiences and I wish you neve had them, but you give me comfort in knowing you undertand when so many others around me don’t. Together we can stand and fight this dreaded cancer.
BarbaraHeather,
Don’t worry about what you say here. We are all in the same boat. I lost my husband John Nov.23 and know what you are going through.You are reeling as am I. You might have one moment a day for a while that is not rooted in despair, agony and being alone but it SLOWLY gets easier to bear.
I finally had to join a grief counseling group. The grief comes over me in waves of desperate anger, fear, wanting John back and not having the strength to hold it in another second. It was for me the best thing I have done since John died.
The group gives you the freedom to speak about what your friends and family really can’t understand.
You can cry, scream and fall apart and have people there who will not judge you and will help you through the hard times. They give you phone numbers of the counselors so that when you are alone in the middle of the night and are just falling apart they are there for you.
They are usually free to anyone and if you are a church person they almost always have grief counseling.I send my best wishes to you. I hope I have helped even a tiny bit. We need to stick together during our losses or we sometimes get so lost in the misery it is hard to find a way back.
With all my love and respect,
CharleneYesterday was exactly one month since Lee went home to Jesus. I simply cannot believe one month has gone by. We have been so busy learning to live without Lee, that at night we collapse into bed mentally and physically exhausted. However, I don’t care what time of day it is…I’m always checking this site…it’s not that I don’t want to continue being part of it…it’s almost like I can’t go on with my day unless I have checked it a few times….it has been such a huge part of my life that I think I’m afraid since I lost Lee, I’m going to soon lose this too. I don’t post much because my feelings are swirling around and about me and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I suppose this is the last part of Lee that is living and I won’t let go. I so desperately want to help, encourage and support…when I read the posts it is like re-living our journey and it breaks my heart because there is no cure, people are suffering terribly and the end result SUCKS! {I hate that word, but my dr.’s nurse said I could say that because it really does suck!} I’m reeling I know…but I’m grabbing on to anything I can to get through the awful, awful time.
Love,
Heather
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