Discussion Board Forums Grief Management I’m lost…

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  • #59419
    deb_
    Member

    Thanks Darla, Marion and Gavin.

    Gavin, the cheesecake is out of this world and absolutely simple to make. You’d love it. My closest friend is married to a lovely man from Edinburgh so I’ve heard all about the deep friend Mars Bars. Apparently you can get deep friend cream eggs now too. Yikes!

    #59418
    gavin
    Moderator

    Hi Deb,

    Wow!!! Homer Simpson moment for me with all the drooling when I see that pic of yours! That looks amazing, much yumminess indeed! Mars Bars I love and I would have never thought of making a cheesecake out of them! But then again, some people in Scotland like their Mars Bars covered in batter and deep fried which you can get from some of the chippy’s here……..

    Hugs to you,

    Gavin

    #59417
    marions
    Moderator

    Deb…this is one of the “sweetest” postings to date. Looks yummy, yummy.
    I must say that I am the most computer challenged person on this board. Never would I have been able to post this picture.
    Pretty remarkable; kudos to you, Deb.
    Hugs,
    Marion

    #59416
    darla
    Participant

    Deb,

    I agree with Lainy. Diarmuid was surely right there with you all in spirit. That cheesecake does look scrumptious. Makes me think of making one. Unfortunately I would probably eat it all. Glad you and your family found a way to celebrate that was comfortable for all of you. Take care.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #59415
    deb_
    Member

    Lainy, thanks. It certainly is nice to think of him being with us in some manner. This ‘new normal’ takes some getting used to.

    Thanks CM and Lalupes!

    Hi Marion, thank you. Are Mars Bars available in the U.S.? They’re a very popular chocolate, nougat and caramel bar! But the cheesecake is just delicious. You make the cheesecake like any other one but you also add home made caramel and chocolate to it plus big chunks of Mars Bar. It’s scrumptious!!! Here’s a pic:

    Cheesecake.jpg

    #59414
    marions
    Moderator

    Deb…..I love your posting. We do move on – not quite the way we had envisioned – but on we move.
    BTW: What is a Mars Bar Cheesecake?
    Hugs,
    Marion

    #59413
    cm
    Member

    What a bitter sweet day Deb_ your eldest turning 18years. Take care of yourself.
    All my best,
    CM

    #59412
    lalupes
    Participant

    Mars Bar Cheesecake??? Oh, how I wish I’d been there … :)

    I love your signature-quote, Deb.

    Jxx

    #59411
    lainy
    Member

    Uh, excuse me Deb, but I believe there were 5 of you at the Birthday Celebration. Diarmuid was in another room but he was there. The years fly by so fast and you wonder where they went. My daughter is sending her 3rd off to College this August and we were just talking about that this morning. At least we still have the baby (15 1/2) to keep us company. Happy Birthday to your son. You crossed a big milestone and you did it just as your husband would have wanted. Everything becomes so bittersweet as we learn to live our new normal.

    #59410
    deb_
    Member

    Thank you Darla,

    Well today is a big milestone and a day of mixed emotions! My eldest child (er, adult now!), turned 18 today. 18 years since he came into the world and his Dad and I fell head over heels in love with him from the first moment we laid eyes on him. Diarmuid would have been so proud. I still can’t believe he wasn’t here to see his eldest child reach adulthood. Such a cruel loss.

    But I am grateful that my son is healthy and he’s a good kid and is following in his father’s footsteps musically. He’s a very talented young man.

    Thankfully he didn’t want to have a party or even a small gathering. At first I thought it was a shame but sometimes I think kids have more sense than parents because I am now so relieved I’m not trying to organise a big bash. I’m way too tired. I made him a Mars Bar cheesecake, his favourite. Well, mine too! I ate half of it. It’s nice, just the 4 of us here, together. Lonely but happy too.

    xxx

    #59391
    darla
    Participant

    Hi Deb,

    You are not wrong. I totally agree with you. As painfully as it is, we do have more of an understanding than most of our inner most feelings and fears and also those of others who have suffered a great loss as we have. In some ways it is comforting.

    Take care ladies, thinking of you and sharing your feelings.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #59409
    deb_
    Member

    CM,

    What a wonderful idea to include photos of her Dad in arts and crafts. Down the line, when it’s not as raw, I will definitely do something like that but what most appeals to me is your idea of the “Daddy flowers”. Aisling, my daughter, is so interested in planting and gardening. And this year especially we are planning on doing lots of indoor planting as our hyperactive mischievous dog has turned the garden into a scrap yard! We will do some Daddy Flowers, how wonderful. xxx

    MissingWayne,

    I can feel your pain and I am so very sorry that you too are going through this deepest of sorrows. My heart goes out to you. I honestly don’t think most people understand a fraction of what we’re going through, unless they’ve been there or they are extremely empathetic, as many on this board are. It is the deepest most cutting pain combined with anger and confusion.

    I admire you for embarking on and sticking with therapy and the hospice group. I need to do something similar. I never seem to be able to make that more, not yet anyway. I did speak to the hospice counsellor with the boys and she was terrific but I need to set up regular sessions with her or someone else. It’s hard to get anything done though. It’s like walking through sludge isn’t it?

    We have quite a bit in common. I have suffered from depression for many years too so, of course, that in combination with this bereavement leaves me in a vulnerable state. On the other hand, I do think that we have perhaps an understanding of our innermost feelings and fears that maybe others don’t have. Maybe I’m wrong about that but I feel it. So at least we are in touch with our feelings, as painful as those feelings are.

    Best of luck to you and hang in there.
    Deb xxx

    #59408
    lainy
    Member

    Hi, Theresa. I would say that is a bit of good news, that the Therapist feels she sees you getting better! I am always so glad to see your updates. Keep up the hard but good work, it is going to take time. You never know how strong you are until “strong” is the only choice you have!

    #59407
    missingwayne
    Member

    My husband was diagnoised July, 2009, he went to see Jesus Feb. 17, 2010. I know I had him longer than you, the sadness is overwhelming. Our doctor never even told us it was stage 4. He sent a different doctor to tell us he needed to move to hospice. I don’t remember a lot about those days, we had stayed a month in the hospital, and 27 hours at hospice. I am still in therapy, I have clinical depression, I go once a week. I also go to hospice group, it’s not even the same hospice, this is the one my Mom used 9 months later. They for the most understand, most have been thru it. I still cry every night, and on medication, that’s just to get me through the day. My therapist yesterday did say, she could see some changes, that I’m thinking about me at least a little.

    #59406
    cm
    Member

    Deb-
    I printed out loads, (and loads) of photos of my husband, our daughter and I for my little girl to cut and stick. She is much younger than your girl but she enjoyed making stick puppets and cutting out our faces and sticking the three of us on pieces of card.
    It might be a nice thing to do if your daughter is into crafts. I also have plain pots we are going to paint together and plant seeds for “daddy flowers”.
    It continues to allow her a way to say the word, “daddy” withou it being so directly related to him- if that makes any sense at all.

    I am very lonely here tonight too.

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