Introduction

Becky….. Baby or not to have a baby? You and Norm evidently had already had plans about the course you guys would take. Unfortunately your Mom has become ill with this relentless disease and has put a twist on things. Well, it has in your mind for sure. It is normal and great to show your Mom she was successful in raising you and to show her that your going to be a good mom just like her. Becky dear, changing your lifes’s plans with your newlywed husband due to your Mom’s illness is not the answer. You said you have read all about this disease, so you know how unpredictable it can be. I’m not going to go in to a full blown lecture as you appear to be a young lady with a good level mind of thinking. Something could happen tomorrow or a month from now, or 6 months from now. In this day and age you have to have a plan. Sorry to say the reality is a lot of our plans revolve around how successful we manage our resource/finances. Becky life goes on after the death of a loved one. I’m sure your Mom loves you enough to understand your plans and doesn’t expect you to drop and sacrifice to try and have a baby before she departs this world. Your Mom whether on earth or in heaven, will see and bless your baby. Personally, my advise is follow the plan your husband and you have made. It takes a lot to raise a child and you have to be prepared or all/how you really wanted things to go will be such a burden and so stressful, you’ll be asking yourself why? You can also look at it as when the time comes, your Mom will need your loving support. Ask your self, where will I be , at the hospital maybe, Trying to find a baby sitter? or you are having complications? Just general thoughts I’m throwing out, using my imagination. Bottom line becky, is stick to your lifes plan you and your hubby agreed upon . There is no need to up set the apple cart for something could or couldn’t happen. Let things go according to plan. Trying to have a baby before your both ready or for a reason that is respectable in deed, will not change anything. Give and show your mom the love you have ,it appears there is plenty of it to give. This may sound selfish but really is not , you have to think of you ,your hubby and the baby when the time is right and your future’s. Sorry If I’m being a little blunt. But If I got word that my daughter was going to try and race the clock or make major life changes because I’m going to heaven, I would be telling her where is that solid foundation I layed for you to follow,

God Bless you all!
Jeff G.

Well, Rebecca, I can totally sympathize with you but maybe I can put things in perspective for you and make you laugh at the same time. I am in my late thirties and single and after my Mom got sick, I kept thinking that if I ever did have kids, they wouldn’t know their grandmother and she really was a sweetheart of a grandma (she died August 1st).

Well, what I was trying to figure out was how I could get my boyfriend to shape up into someone responsible enough to marry, get pregnant, and have the baby in time to meet her. A pretty tall order. And all while caring for her because, of course, I am superwoman.

You at least have the husband part solved but the road ahead will be very difficult and you will be under a lot of stress and that may not be the best thing for you or for the baby. Stress can cause complications in pregnancy.

My twin sister became pregnant shortly before my mother was diagnosed and it was very difficult for her, in addition to the pregnancy hormones, it was a very emotional time and she was trying to wrap her head around my Mom not being there for the baby. She was exhausted from visiting her in the hospital and felt badly that she couldn’t help as much with her care.

About 2 weeks before her due date, she developed Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP), I believe from stress. The scary thing is that cholestasis develops when the normal flow of bile in the gallbladder is affected by the high amounts of pregnancy hormones. My sister’s symptoms included itching, a symptom my mother suffered from, and when my sister said it involved the bile I really freaked out. Jaundice is another potential symptom which, thankfully, my sister did not develop because I don’t think I could have handled another person turning yellow in front of my very eyes.

In the end, the baby was taken early and this was a blessing because he and my sister are now both healthy and my mother got to see her newest grandson. The day he was supposed to be born was the first day my mother was unable to speak.

I will say one other thing, though. The baby kept my mother going. The doctor wanted her to sign a DNR and she asked if she could postdate it to after the baby’s due date and the doctor said he had never heard of such a thing but he saw how stubborn she was and finally stopped pushing for her to sign it.

The pain of losing my mother is suffocating and sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe but my baby nephew makes me smile when I need it the most. The poor little guy doesn’t even know the weight he has on his shoulders, so many people needing to be cheered up in this family.

When my mother was close to dying but did not seem to able to let go, she told us she couldn’t hold the baby anymore, that if she did she wouldn’t be able to let go. She was in a lot of pain at that point and I told her I had figured it all out, that the baby needed help to get here and her job was to bring us the baby safely and then she could rest, go peacefully. If you decide not to have a baby now, remember that when you do, your mother has sent that baby to you. Yeah, yeah, Norm’s gonna have something to do with it but you get what I mean.

Patty

Hi Becky,
I can sympathize with your situation. It is so hard to decide what to do when you don’t know what the future will hold. This illness disrupts all our lives and we just have to carry on as best as we can with the uncertainty.

This disease really strikes people differently. Your mom may have months or years left to live. It’s something out of our control, of course. I would recommend to your mom that she fight. Use chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor. As for you, as you said, you can stay positive and don’t well on the “what ifs”. Be happy with your new life and your husband and your mom will be happy. I just wouldn’t make any big decisions right now if I were you.

Although your mom would probably love a grandbaby

God bless you,
~Lisa

Becky…..statistics in my opinion, are not very reliable and considering this cancer also, are not up to date. Your Mom may very well know this. Also, if you do take statistics in consideration it helps to remember that someone has to be in the top 10 percent. Why not your Mom?
Marions

Hi, and sorry to say welcome, but you have come to a good place. What kind of surgery did your mother have? Sounds like a Whipple? Stay strong and let us know how the doctors are going to proceed.