Irritable, crabby, grouchy?

Lainy, I think I also have a Brand X on my hands. I think I am going to go see my kids up in Northern CA for a few days. We only have one car here but I have decided to rent a car and just go, as long as he is doing okay enough to take care of himself and drive himself around.

Margaret: Two major things to consider.

From my psychology classes “Father Freud” described anger and depression as something like twin edges of a sword–and it can cut either way (not an exact quote–just my best recollection 35 years later). Depression is “anger-in” or anger directed at one’s self, blaming one’s self for feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Sometimes, to fight depression, the patient has to redirect his anger outwards (anger-out), blaming others or outside circumstances for his own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Anger directed outwards is possibly irrational, but can be motivating to get the patient to start doing something, and then that something can be self-reinforcing and ego-building so the patient experiences less depression. Can be painful for the caregiver, though!!

On the other hand, physiological depression is a different beast. I’ve had Gemzar, oxiliplatin, and Xeloda followed by radiation and am now again on Xeloda. After the chemo and radiation I developed anemia–low iron/low red blood cell counts, inadequate oxygen getting to the brain, organs, muscles, and bone. This made me very very tired all the time, and when awake fight to stay awake and participate in life. That state of low blood oxygen and not being quite awake seems to make me prone to anger and depression and verbal outbursts which has alienated friends and family. At times nothing has seemed to work. I got an iron infusion and a blood transfusion, and they helped a little bit. If I could get myself to the gym, the heavy breathing caused me to suck in more air and get more oxygen and that energized and awakened me, but the next day I was very fatigued sometimes, and I began to pant instead of breathe normally after exercise, which is a symptom of anemia. Its just going to take time to rebuild, I suppose. I’m sure other medical conditions can cause crabbiness and fatigue besides the ones you and I have mentioned to this point.

Hope this perspective from another crabby old patient helps you cope with your man!

Hi There Ron, so good to see your smiling face, it’s been way too long. I miss your wonderful postings and your great incite of people and life. Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving. There are always so many things to be Thankful for. Thanks for stopping by.

Extremely interesting thread girls. Minnie my heart goes out to you. All I can say is I totally agree with Margaret and Kathy.
We have only been married 16 years but Teddy has mostly been the kindest and sweetest man. I always watched for the other shoe to drop but it never did. See, I was married to a Mental abuser for 25 years, I call him Brand X. Everytime T has been in the hospital the Nurses always comment to the doctors what a gentleman he is and that he NEVER complains. He always says he was trained by the best! He is very much in to his faith which is why he is so at Peace with everything. The Church sends a lady here 3 times a week to give him communion. And he is in to my Faith as well. Honestly, whatever I do there is a thank-you. I just lucked out with him. Like I always say he is a Man’s man and a Woman’s gentleman.
With all that said I want to add one more thing. We have had our share of little disagreements but he knew how I suffered with Brand X and he knew I would not take crap anymore. I guess he loved me enough not to dish it out as he used to be kind of a rougue and changed his whole life/way of living to be with me and have the kind of life he never had. A settled life. I just feel if you don’t take bad stuff from others they will learn not to dish it out to you. Most people do things ‘because they can’.

Margaret, my wife Judy gets somewhat grouchy after chemotherapy. She is doing the same drugs as your husband. Usually after a couple three days she is back to her same old pretty self. She is pretty tired and wore out for another week. I think my breaks from caretaking come to me at work. I still work full time. I’m in agriculture also. Our work week depends on the weather and the season. Sometimes 80 hour work weeks. It does seem like a never ending ride. Doctor visits, lab, chemotherapy, grocery shopping, house cleaning, transfusions, the list of tasks go on and on. Judy has been wrestling with this cancer for 19 months now. She was always a busy person, working, gardening, taking care of grandkids. That is what seems to bother her the most, not having the energy to be with her babies. We have 8 of them. We are in our early 50s and certainly was not expecting something like cancer to cut our life together short. I know the feeling of wanting to pack up and leave, but you know and I know we could never do that. Our 3 daughters live fairly close to us and visit often. They do call first. We would keep the kids quite often before, now only when grandma insists. I could go on forever about the hassles of this disease but I don’t have it. Whenever I get to feeling really mad at Judy I just remember the reason I married her. I love her. Take care of yourself, relax, have a drink or whatever and keep on getting up in the morning. Make other people take care of themselves. We have someone who has taken care of us and now it’s our turn. Happy Thanksgiving. I realize now, more than ever what all I have to be thankful for. Our 3 girls make sure I,m not in this alone, couldn’t do it without them. Hang in there, We can do this.

Amen! Lisa. We can’t help much except to have you vent and to tell you how much we love you!!! When is the wedding and are they going to keep living with you? See what I mean? I always say a mother’s job is never done.