Is this normal?
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Dear RDH, my husband Teddy, had a Whipple 5 years ago and it is the largest surgery to the human body, not life threatening but huge. The recovery takes time a long time and some of the mental change is due to all the changes from within the body. Everything has been rearranged or taken out. Teddy was always cold after the surgery and to this day he hates being cold and we are originally from Wisconsin! It is also very hard to adjust to eating as dad’s digestive track is all out of whack. The ONC put Teddy on Prevacid daily for digestion and it worked pretty good. One more thing, it is a long surgery and it will take time for the anesthetic to totally leave. Have you thought about asking the ONC about some outside help? Or even clergy to talk to him? I think the most important thing at this point is to let him know that what he came through was a Miracle and that what ever is to come, together you will all fight it but that it is important to heal first. Showing the love goes without saying.
rdh….your Dad is still deep in the healing process from a huge surgery therefore, I would assume that it may take some time for him to feel better emotionally and physically. Depression is quite common and I am sure that others will be able to share their experiences with this also. You might want to reassure your Dad that his successful surgery is much to be proud of and if the cancer should recur that you will deal with it then. But for now, he will get better each day and with that his emotions should lift also. It might help for him to know that many have led some relatively normal life post surgery and there is no reason to believe that he won’t belong to this fortunate group also. If his mood does not change then it might be helpful to mention it to the physician, as something else may need to be prescribed. I also wanted to mention our very own Dr. Giles who, gladly will respond to any question presented to him. Let us know if you need help finding him.
Hang in there. And, kudos to your Mom. She needs a hug also.
Best wishes,
Marionrdh77 – I am so sorry that your dad is having such a difficult time emotionally. Grief has 5 basic stages, and people can through back and forth between them within any given day, week, month. Antidepressants can take 3 to 4 weeks to take their full effect (providing you have the right one). Keep the doctor well informed of dad’s progress or lack of progress as he may need to adjust dosages or change the antidepressant completely. The doctor will be the key to helping with the chemical side of depression. As you know, your mom needs support now like never before. It is hard to keep your head above water when going through all of this. It is a roller coaster ride that isn’t a lot of fun. Know that we care for you and your family and will be here to respond as best we can to any questions you may have. My husband has cc and while he has suffered depression and anger and pain, he has not had a Whipple or any other invasive procedure so I am unable to comment on that. Keep looking up and make sure to tell your dad how much you love him. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. blessings, Susan
I posted an intro about a week ago and am so grateful for all of the thoughtful replies.
Just a quick background again. My Dad (65) was diagnosed with cancer in the bile duct (ampullary) back in Sept. He had a Whipple procedure done on Oct. 29th. At that time, they were able to remove the entire tumor (clean margins). However, they did find that it had spread to the lymph (7 of 39 tested positive.)
During his initial illness (when we discovered the cancer due to the jaundice) his kidneys (acutely) failed and he was on dialysis for about a month. We were so thrilled to find out about two-three weeks ago that his kidneys have recovered sufficient that he can get OFF of dialysis. However, that same day he got the news that the cancer had spread to his lymph.
So, onto my question.
Dad has been very depressed. Mom has to continually push him to eat and drink. He doesn’t seem to care too much. He’s down to about 180 lbs (from about 230). He often will lay in his chair with an afghan blanket over his body (including his head), like he’s trying to shut everything out. It is more than just recovery from the surgery. There is definitely an emotional/depression componant. He is on an anti-depressant, and hopefully that will help.
My question is for those who experienced depression (or had loved ones who did). How long did it take them to get through this initial low and find some hope or strength to fight? Was there something someone said or did that helped you get past it?
I understand it will take some time for him. But we’d like to know what to expect and ways in which we can gently help him through this (while acknowedging his need to go through the stages of grief).
My Mom, God bless her, also feels like she’s about to crumble, but she can’t as she needs to hold it together to make sure he gets to the Dr. appts., coordinates all the appointments, make sure he eats (which is quite a task in itself.) and on. I know if/when Dad pulls through this and finds hope, it will help her immensely, too.
ETA: If anyone has any stories similar to what my Dad has experienced medically, I’d also love to hear from you (clean margins post Whipple, but with lymph involvement.)
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