I’ve made it two years…
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Linda, not sure if you saw this before but I wrote it about 6 months after T passed:
How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just one more, to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone.When day is over and dinner is eaten by one,
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to scratch my back,
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that every things all right!Mary, Everything in your post is so true. For me it has been 5 1/2 years and I still feel much like you describe. It never goes away, but does get lighter. Grieving is a very personal process that is different for everyone. There are no rules or time lines. It just is what it is and we have to just keep taking those small steps, one day at a time. We have to reach out for help when & where we feel comfortable and get the support that works for us. Only those who have been there can truly understand.
Linda, these are still early days for you, but it really does get easier with time. It never goes away, but it does get better. I hope the group you have joined can help you through some of this and that you really connect with some one who can help and support you through these hard times. Yes Linda, it will be OK.
Thinking of all of you and knowing that we will all be OK with the help and support we give to each other.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaLadies – Your comments have been very helpful to me. Tomorrow will be two weeks since Terry died. The first week I did very well – lots of people around and so much to do. This week has been harder. I’ve discovered the best thing is to just figure out how to get through each day and not think too much about the future at this point. I’ve joined a bereavement support group too – all people who lost their husbands or wives to cancer – and it has been helpful to talk with others who understand. It’s hard but I know I will be OK.
Margaret,
I’m glad I can help in any small way. It does gets easier in time. One good friend told me that the grief doesn’t ever go away but it does get lighter. I think that’s a great way to describe it. It’s always there, it always will be! But we all learn to deal with our emotions and carry on the best way possible. In time the weight on our hearts does get lighter. I still honestly have a hard time believing my Tom is really gone and it’s been almost 2 1/2 years. I often ask myself and any other entity out there listening, how did this happen? It’s just not the way it was supposed to be! Then, of course I go through the whole questioning process of why him, why me? Because I feel it’s not just him that lost his life, obviously he physically did, but I lost my entire life as I knew it. All of our dreams, our plans, everything is gone. You and I have to start life all over and it can be overwhelming to contemplate. Baby steps. That’s the only way to do it. Start out slowly. Take time to fully grieve. Cry as much as you need to…don’t hold it in. Take care of yourself. Go to counseling if you need it and support groups. Give yourself time to heal. It won’t happen overnight, obviously. Best wishes Margaret. Keep in touch and feel free to vent here when you need to. We all have strong shoulders!!
Lainey,
I love your poem. You are very talented. I hope you’re feeling better. I don’t get online very often so I lose touch with everyone. Did you have surgery? I hope you’re having a good winter. I think most of us are suffering through a record cold one. That doesn’t help our mental state either. I feel so much better on a sunny day!! Take care. Love, MaryMary, I wrote this about a year after T passed. Perhaps it can help:
How Are You Doing?
Everyone asks me how I’m doing since you went away,
With a smile on my face I answer, “I really am okay”.
Matter of fact its very hard but I promised to be strong,
Until the time we meet again, in your arms where I belong.In the morning when I wake, once where there was warmth all night,
There’s nothing but an empty space and a pillow to hold tight.
Our closet now holds all my clothes it still looks kind of strange,
I try to make it look like more and constantly rearrange.When I’m in the kitchen and working at the sink,
Many times I stop and this is what I think…..
If Teddy was here he’d grab me to give a little cue,
That he was about to hug me and say his, “I love you”.No more are the corny jokes that grew longer by the year,
What I wouldn’t give now for just one more, to hear.
When someone calls, your message is still kept on the phone,
That way no one knows I am really home alone.When day is over and dinner is eaten by one,
No more thank you-s for the meal well done.
Can’t find anyone to scratch my back,
There’s just a big hole here, a hole of midnight black.But, how am I doing? I’m doing okay,
I know that you would want it that way.
And I know you are with me morning to night,
Still watching over me, that every things all right!Mary I know it’s been last fall since you wrote this post, but I’m reading it for the first time today and it just so captures in many ways the way that I feel. My husband also loved life and lived it to the fullest, even though he’d had a number of sorrows in his life. I feel guilty that I now don’t have that same passion for living, but I’m trying! He fought so hard to live, that I feel I must also be passionate about living if for no other reason than to respect his struggle.
Your description of one day getting to see your husband again is so touching. I look forward to the same kind of encounter with my John. Oh that will be a wonderful day!!!!!!
Thanks for the post,
MargaretOh, Mary CONGRATULATIONS on the munchkin, how wonderful is that? And I am so happy you had such a glorious Christmas!
Teddy’s Granddaughter gave us a Great Grandson who will be 2 the end of January. He was 5 days late and I would always say, ‘Be patient, Grandpa Teddy is not done playing with him yet”. He is soooooo Teddy. Its going to be fun watching him grow.
You and I know things do get better, there will always be a big hole, but the time comes when one needs to encircle the hole and put it in your heart.
Perhaps stars are not stars at all but rather openings in the sky where our loved ones shine down on us to let us know they are HAPPY!Hi Friends,
I hope all of you had a nice Christmas. It was the best one I’ve had in several years. I have a new grandson that I love dearly and he helped brighten up the holidays. I only got teary once when some familiar music played while I was rocking him. I just wished his grandpa was here to enjoy him too. Those are the hardest times. I know he sees us from heaven but we all want his physical presence here. My son commented that everyone was taking pictures so that must mean we are feeling better about things and want to remember these gatherings. He’s right-it is getting easier.
Margaret, I’m so sorry for your recent loss. This is a very hard season to go through after so recently losing your dear husband, John. Darla and Lainey and I have had time to move through our own personal grieving process and I know we are all doing better than we were years ago. It’s wonderful to have the support of friends here that really do know what you are going through !! Lean on us when you need to. You will find your way in time. Just don’t be in too big of a hurry and take care of yourself.
Best wishes to all of you for a blessed New Year! MaryDon’t know how I missed this, but I agree with Mary. My feelings are so much the same. And Lainy, as usual, you are right on.
These posts bring tears to my eyes but also let me know that I am not alone in how I am feeling and yes, it does get better with time. Love, Hope & Hugs to all of you.
Darla
Mary,
Your note touches me. I lost my husband Oct. 24 and your heartfelt message reminds me so much of how I feel about John and my life without him. It’s also encouraging to hear from another widow what it might be like in a couple years. Honestly it’s hard for me to believe “it’ll get better” from people who have never traveled this path, so I appreciate that you’re sharing your experience and feelings.
Thank you and I wish you all the best on this path and in your life.Margaret
Hi Mary Lloyd. Wow, do you sound like I feel. So as soon as I can stop crying I will continue……..later…..I can’t say anything except tp send you love and I found this the other day and loved it!
Today they are with you. Tomorrow they are gone. In the days that follow somehow life goes on. But tears that fell like rain, when souls were torn apart, in time are gently frozen in the corners of the heart. So quickly goes a week, a month will disappear, and then the tears return, its been another year!
Happy Anniversary!It will be two years tomorrow since I lost my dear husband Tom. I can’t believe it’s been that long already. It still doesn’t seem possible that he is gone! Two years ago I couldn’t imagine life without him. But life goes on. I miss him so much. Like I said once before , I long to see him again. Somehow saying I miss him doesn’t fully describe the depth of my feeling. During our last minutes alone ,shortly before he died I cried and held him and told him how much I loved him and would miss him, that my heart was breaking. And it truly felt as though my heart was broken. There was actual physical pain. I had never experienced that before and hope I never do again. But time has healed that pain. When I think of Tom now I laugh more than I cry. He was such a character. He loved living! I feel guilty if I don’t at times. Sometimes it’s so hard to be happy about a life without him in it. There are so many things he’s missing. So many things I miss doing with him. We all find our way through our own personal grief. I am finding mine. I am now going to try and accomplish all the things I wrote about doing one year ago. I know that is what he would want for me.
I love you Tom and always will. I look forward to you holding your arms out to me some day and hearing your voice greet me with, “Well, hi ! I’ve missed you.” Until then I will keep you close to me in my heart and in my dreams.
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