Last treatment (hopefully)

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    Susie, I hope you and Porter can meet as there is nothing in the world that compares to meeting someone from our family. I think you gals would be great for each other, but then I am a tad prejudice when it comes to both of you!



    Congrats on your last treatment!

    I have had very similar experiences to you. My liver hurt a lot during chemo. I was always afraid it was a recurrence. It never was and the pain went away after treatment was over. Every now and again I still get a random pain in my abdomen. Nothing has ever showed up on CT but it is still enough to cause me to worry.
    I’ve debated since diagnosis going on an anti depressant but I never have. My reason is that I just don’t think a little pill is going to make me forget I had cancer and all that it’s taken from me. Just my thoughts. I know plenty of people use them and find them beneficial.
    I did go to the OHSU young adult cancer support group and sometimes I still consider going there. It is just a pain for me to get there on time with traffic.
    When I went, I had mixed feelings about it. It is a support group for cancer “survivor’s” but I’m not really sure what that means. A lot of the members were stage IV undergoing very aggressive treatment for various cancers. I don’t think there was much hope for them being cured. For me, it was difficult going there being cancer free and being around so many others who were not and probably never will be. It’s like you feel bad complaining. That’s how I felt anyway.

    We should meet up for coffee sometime! We’re pretty close to each other.

    Take care,



    Hi Porter,

    You have gotten a lot of good advice here already. I know it is hard not to think and feel all of these things, but I have learned that no matter how much you stress and worry the out come is going to be the same. I know 2 weeks is a long time to wait, but there is nothing that will change the results. Please try not to let all of this get you down. I know that this is easier said than done and am also not always good about following my own advice, but I try. :) Keeping busy does help. I read a lot and that seems to help take my mind off of things, if only for a little while.

    If the results are good you have stressed for nothing and if not you go on to plan B and do what you have to do.

    That said, complain all you want if you feel you need to. We are all willing to listen. Know that we are all here to help and support you in any way that we can.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are a strong lady and have been through so much. Thinking of you and hoping that you will be feeling better soon and getting good news in 2 weeks.



    Porter….complain, complain, complain. This is the place to do it. You must know that few people are able to shake off the trauma of diagnoses of this disease as well as worrying about the cancer recurring. It is normal, especially during the first year after treatment. So, in that sense, you are as normal as normal can be.
    We do know that when treatment ends, people begin a new chapter in their lives, one that can bring hope, happiness – and fear. The fear of recurrence is common among cancer survivors and can sometimes be quite intense.
    Some ideas that have helped others deal with uncertainty and fear and feel more hopeful:
    Learn what you can do for your health now and about the services available to you. This can give you a greater sense of control.
    Be aware of your fears, but don’t judge them. Practice letting them go. It’s normal for these thoughts to enter your mind, but you don’t have to keep them there. Some people picture them floating away, or being vaporized. Letting them go can free you from wasting time and energy on needless worry.
    Take in the present moment rather than thinking of an uncertain future or a difficult past. If you can find a way to feel peaceful inside yourself, even for a few minutes a day, you can start to recall that peace when other things are happening – when life is busy and confusing.
    Work toward having a positive attitude, which can help you feel better about life now. Just remember you don’t have to act “positive” all the time. Don’t beat yourself up or let others make you feel guilty when you’re feeling sad, angry, anxious, or distressed.
    Use your energy to focus on wellness and what you can do now to stay as healthy as possible. Try to make healthy diet changes.
    Find ways to help yourself relax.
    Be as physically active as you can.
    Control what you can. Some people say that putting their lives back in order makes them feel less fearful. Being involved in your health care, getting back to your normal life, and making changes in your lifestyle are among the things you can control. Even setting a daily schedule can give you more power. And while no one can control every thought, some say they’ve resolved not to dwell on the fearful ones.
    Support groups are great and may also provide you with the strengths to overcome your fears. Most of all though, dear Porter, try not to be too hard on yourself. You deserve to like yourself.


    Dear Sweet Porter, Ya need to come here for a visit! Porter, I can’t take many Meds they don’t sit well with me but last December I was crying all the time. My GI put me on Lexapro just 10mg, low dose, it has worked wonders, just enough to take the edge off and no side effects for me. Some of what you feel may be a little scared knowing you are done with the treatment. Things to do? I try to meet a friend each week for lunch or dinner. Volunteer work. I am actually going out with the girls Friday night, first time in over 2 months! Take up a hobby whether its putting together puzzles or painting a picture. I also have found lately that Classical Music is sooo relaxing. Knit? I can’t do that. I nursed my first Mother-in-Law through 10 years of Leukemia and spent so much time sitting with her in the hospital and tried to knit a lovely brown cardigan. It was really nice until I realized I knit 2 left sides! You are a strong woman and I know you will take hold, pull on your inner strength and the fact we all care about you!


    Hi all. I know I haven’t posted much lately. Treatment has been tough this time around physically and emotionally. I had my last treatment of gemox today eventhough my platelets were at 80 (this surprised me). I was kind of hoping to be pushed back a week. But it’s done for now and now as most of you are familiar with, I wait…I wait until the next step which will be a scan in 2 weeks. I have had a lot of pain on my ride side. Those who have had resections, (Kris, I am curious about Mark) have you experienced pain months after surgery? It’s hard to determine whether it’s chemo, surgical, or what I constantly worry about reoccurance. Onc says everything appears to look great in my numbers and physical exams (I know scans are the only way to be certain). Aside from Platelets all numbers look really good and tumor marker is still within normal range. . Emotionally, I am a wreck and seriously debating an anti depressant as most of my emotion distress I believe is due to physically not feeling well and constantly being in a state of worry. I’d like to ask all of you what you guys do to cope and try and just live life to the fullest day to day.? How do you get the world of CC out of your head and mind and take a break? I get so angry at myself because I know how blessed I have been and I hate that I feel stuck in a rutt and in a constant state of panic and worry. I have been thinking about joining a local cancer support group that I can attend in person in my town to be around others who are familiar with this and can relate. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining, but right now I just feel kind of lost as of what to do…I know I should be celebrating…

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