Ma in law just diagnosed and terminal, we’re all reeling
- This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Best wishes on the plan for another child. My husband held on until our last grandson was born. He died 8 days after Jonathan was born, but he met the goal he had set and it brought him comfort. This is the child that carries the name on. Our other grandson carries the bloodline. We felt very blessed. I pray that having another child will bring great joy to your MIL and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Susan
Georgie, I always think of Georgie Girl, one of my favorite movies. It really sounds like you have everything under control and have done what you needed to do as good advocates. Good job! I hope I can also say good job when you find out your are PG with another child. I am wishing for MIL to be as comfortable as possible. She is very lueky to have you to walk her through this journey.
Wow, what an amazing response, thank you all so much. I don’t get as much time as I would like to sit at my computer but I am thinking of each and everyone of you lovely people. My goodness, what did we all do before the internet?
In answer to Andie and Lainy, yes MIL has had 2 opinions, my husband and I are both paramedics so we made sure we got as much information and asked as many questions as we could!
We have no reason in her case to believe that there is anything else to be done. She has seen 2 liver/biliary system specialists and also now under the Oncologist at the Royal Sussex in Brighton (we’re in the UK) They have been excellent and she is going to start chemo in the next few weeks and see how she feels and is also now under the care of St Peter and St James Hospice in Sussex.
Husband is going to start having counselling from the hospice which I think will really help. One positive thing to come from it all is that we have decided to bring forward our plans for a 2nd child. We have an 18 month old daughter and were going to wait until the end of the year but we both said the same thing: for the sake of a few months, why not try now and perhaps we might give MIL another grandchild before she dies. Part of me thinks we’re mad but I’m 37 this year so can’t put it on hold really and I guess sadly our lives have to go on.Stay strong everyone X
Hi Georgie. I’m so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. I recently lost my mom to cc after a very courageous 18 month battle. I couldn’t agree more with Susan, have family gatherings, go places while she feels like going and have no regrets for words left unsaid. This time will be exactly like a roller coaster for your family. I researched every new symptom she had along the way and found that every case seems to be a little different. It does help to post questions you have on this site, and you can not find a more compassionate and understanding gathering of people. God Bless You and Your Family.
LauraGeorgie – A mother-in-law can be every bit as precious as a mother so your feelings about her sound absolutely normal to me. I would agree that a second opinion might be helpful, however, if there is no treatment, make lots of plans to enjoy every single moment that you have with her. Make memories, take pictures, ask questions about her life that you might want to tell your children. This time will be a roller coaster, but if could also be a gift that allows you to say all the things you want to say and show all the love you have for one another. Please post often, ask questions, vent, share, cry, rant, whatever you need…we are here. Blessings, Susan
Georgie , first of all never feel like you do not have a right to feel upset about your mother in law ! I always joke that we don’t marry a man , we marry a family. It is good that your husband is getting counselling… but do not forget to look after yourself as well. This disease affects the entire family. My step mother was diagnosed at the beginning of this year , and I know it has been hard on my family. My husband has been like you probably are .. he feels bad himself, he worries about me, he has extra care of the children, etc. It is such a bag of emotions.. I think I am being strong then I break down crying in the shower or when I am driving by myself in the car . Your phone will ring constantly with loving people being concerned , yet at the same time taking precious moments away from your children who you have tried to squeeze into your more hectic schedule. I do not mean to sound like I am complaining , because I love my step mother as I do my biological parents. I guess since it is fairly new to us as well , I don’t have the clinical advice that the others on this board do. I am just telling you what I have learned so far …try to spend as much time with her as you are able to , forget about the house work , laundry etc. I am not sure if you have children, but we did tell ours about their nanny being sick. They are 7 and 12 yrs old . We drew a picture of her body and where the cancer is and explained why the doctors can’t take it out. They now understand why our free time is limited right now and why nanny is sometimes tired or not able to play as much as she used to . Sometimes the unknown is more frightening to kids ( just like us ) . Just try to take each day at a time. None of us know what lies ahead ( thank goodness ) . I have found this board very informative. I have not posted many times, but whenever I had a question or concern , somebody here has taken the time to answer. Everybody here seems very knowledgable and definitely understanding … please keep us posted on how things go . I will be wondering about you , as your post sounds like mine did 2 months ago.
Hi Georgieb and welcome to our wonderful family but so sorry you had to join us. Words of wisdom, not so sure, comfort, hopefully. It is always a shock to hear the words CC, almost like it came from another planet. We don’t know the whys yet when it comes to CC but we do know that quite a few people who were given months are still here after years. We were not born with expiration dates on the bottom of our feet. First I would get a 2nd even 3rd opinion until you are all satisfied with the prognosis. Then, once a game plan is set in to place somehow that allows the emotions to relax a little as something is being done. Read up as much as you can as with CC knowledge is powerful. I think it was a good idea to get some counseling for your husband. I know how you feel about your mother-in-law as I had a wonderful MIL also. The first 10 years of marriage I nursed her through Luekemia. Not her 2 daughters but me the DIL. That was many, many moons ago but I still talk about her. When my husband was diagnosed 5 years ago with CC we always talked openly about it as it seemed to make it easier for us to handle. But, people have to do what they are comfortable with. Please keep us posted and know that we care.
georgieb – There is nothing wrong with being upset. This is a testament to how much you care for your MIL. You are entitled to be sad, or angry, or depressed, etc. Apparently, you love her very much and I think it is wonderful. Come to this website for support as needed. We are all here for you. Hugs – Nancy
Hi and welcome to our cc family.
First the next few months are going to be a rollercoaster of emotions you never knew existed but you have found this site and we will all be here to help and advise you.
Have you had a 2nd or 3rd opinion? I’m guessing your from the UK? If you are check on AMMF website http://www.AMMF.org.uk the UKs only Cholangiocarinoma charity, there is lots of advice on there.
We contacted a Professor Lodge at Leeds who was also very helpful, i can give you his details if you like.
Has you Mother in Law had a stent fitted or been offered chemo?
Please do not give up, Cholangiocarcinoma is very rare and from experience you really have to fight and push for the treatment you want.
I’m sure other members will be in touch soon to offer their advice
Best wishes
Andrea
Hi,
I have just been Googling cholangiocarcinoma (for millionth time it seems) and come across this website. My lovely mother in law has just been diagnosed with stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma completely out of the blue. She went to A&E with abdo pain and jaundice 6 weeks ago and they couldn’t get to the bottom of it. She was transferred to the liver unit at the Royal Surrey and within days they had diagnosed it. It has spread to her liver, bowel and stomach, it is inoperable and she has been told she probably has 6 months to a year. We are just stunned, she is a fit vivacious 63 year old who eats well, drinks moderately and does loads of walking. To add insult to injury she was diagnosed the day before her 63rd birthday. We only found out 3 weeks ago and my husband by his own admission isn’t dealing with it well. He is very close to his Mum as his parents are seperated, M in law has arranged counselling via hospice for him so that may help. I just feel so angry, its just so unfair, I think ‘why her’ but then I think ‘why not her’, I guess this is how everyone feels. I have so many questions and thoughts going through my head and I just don’t always want to talk to someone I know which is why I have joined this site. Even my parents are hard to talk to as they are really fond of MIL and are gutted too. I feel so upset and cry about it a lot and yet because she is not my mother I feel I have no right to be so upset. Anyone got any words of wisdom?!!
- The forum ‘Introductions!’ is closed to new topics and replies.